NCIS Quotes Season 9This is a featured page



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Season 1 DVD Cover


Episode 9.01 "The Nature of the Beast"
HOSPITAL.
Gibbs: “Got off two rounds.”
Rachel: “So he shot the son of a b***”

DiNozzo: “Oh, Dr.…Kate’s, uh, sister…huh? Surprise surprise. What’re you doin’ here? Can I getcha’ something from the bar? Little appletini or lime jello shots? Those are good.”
Rachel: “Well it’s good to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor Agent DiNozzo.

Rachel: "I thought you said he was shot."
Gibbs: “Yeah. I didn’t say they were successful. I’m gonna let you two talk.

Rachel: “So. You’re ok?”
DiNozzo: “I’m not dead.”

Rachel: “Looks like the vest saved your life.”
DiNozzo: “You could say I’m well invested. In vest we trust. Go vest young man.”

Rachel: “You fired two rounds from your gun. Casings were recovered. Slugs weren’t. There was blood at the scene. But, no body.”
DiNozzo: “I ain’t got no body.”

Rachel: “Acknowledgement is the first step to recovery. We’re making some progress. So who’d you shoot Agent DiNozzo?”

DiNozzo: “You got pizza, Boss? Somethin’ wrong?”

DiNozzo: “I do have some stuff on my mind.”
Rachel: “There’s an epiphany.”

DiNozzo: “I remember. I had orders.”
Rachel: “From whom?”
Gibbs: “SECNAV.”
Rachel: “I didn’t ask you.”

Rachel: “You know Agent DiNozzo and I need a little time alone. Would you mind?”
Gibbs: “Hey. Knock yourself out. No pun intended.”
FLASHBACK.
DiNozzo: “We gonna talk in metaphor for the rest of the round Sir, cuz if so, then I’m gonna need a few more beers.”

Jarvis: “You shoot from the hip. You know that’s part of the reason I chose you for this assignment.”
DiNozzo: “What’s the other part?”
FLASHBACK.
Gibbs: “I think I got something else that’s gonna make you smile, Ziva. Congratulations, you’re now a journeyman agent.”
Ziva: “My probation’s officially over?”
Gibbs: "Done and done.”

Ziva: “I will carry this with tremendous pride.”
DiNozzo: “Carry what? Ray’s stones in a mason jar? Ah, probie no more. Good for you. Who am I gonna pick on now?”

Ziva: “Tonight we should all go out and celebrate.”
McGee: “You mean a wedding down.”
Ziva: “No. There is no wedding. I mean Palmer’s not getting married until next Spring.”
Gibbs: “It’s called a 'wetting down'…means you’re paying.”
FIRING RANGE.
Gibbs: “Well, Vance tells me Jarvis needs your help. Better keep your eyes open.”
DiNozzo: “Back of my head as always Boss…learned from the best.”

DiNozzo: “Don’t we have to? You know I became a cop because I thought the lines were clear. Good and bad. Right and wrong.”
Gibbs:“Let me guess. The lines blur. Funny how that happens. You gonna tell me what’s on your mind?”
DiNozzo: “Just doin my job, Boss…just doing my job.”

HOSPITAL ROOM.
Rachel: “And yet this happened. How did the order present itself?”
DiNozzo: “Through a…through a photograph.”
Rachel: “Of whom?”
DiNozzo: “Well sweetheart, if I could remember that we wouldn’t be here would we?”
Rachel: “I’m not your sweetheart, try harder.”
FLASHBACK.
Ziva: “Destroying more pictures from your dirty collection Tony?”
DiNozzo: “Well Miss Shiny new badge of courage. The answer to that is no, unlike you flashing your new badge to every Tom, Dick, and Joe Friday who’s willing to look. I’ve been doing my job.”

Ziva: “I’m going to Central America to meet an old friend.”
DiNozzo: “Central America. That’s nice, the land of tropical martinis and string bikinis. Tell me. Does CIRay know about this old friend?”

DiNozzo: “We? As in…you and me?”
Ziva: “That’s not what I meant.”
FLASHBACK - autopsy.
Ducky: “Something is gnawing at me Jethro and as you know I am not one to gnaw.”

Gibbs: “That’s a hell of a goodbye, Duck. She cut him with her pocket knife.”
Ducky: “Yes. It seems that E.J. and you share an affinity for retractable weaponry.”

Ducky: “Yes. That’s what astounded me. Agent Levin had a small microchip of some sort embedded in his arm.”
Gibbs: “Any idea why?”
Ducky: “Well that’s where my expertise ends and yours begins.”

DIRECTOR’S OFFICE.
Vance: “Why do I bother having a door?”

Vance: “I’ve known Clayton Jarvis for almost twenty years. I’ve trusted him with my life.”
Gibbs: “People change.”

Vance: “I hope you’re not questioning the SECNAV’s authority. Jarvis can do what he wants. It’s his Navy.”
Gibbs: “It’s his Navy. It’s my team.”

ABBY’S LAB.
Abby: “Ok. He starts to turn the picture over there.”
McGee: “Go two frames back. See. That looks like a woman to me.”
Abby: “No it doesn’t, looks like a hairy pirate with a moustache.”
McGee: “You mean Tony’s assignment is to kill Johnny Depp?”
Ziva: “I like Johnny Depp.”
Abby: “This isn’t working.”

McGee: “I don’t feel comfortable doing this.”
Abby: “I know. We’re spying…on family.”

Ziva: “Well sometimes we must cross boundaries to protect those we care about.”

Gibbs: “You’re using one of my people without my knowledge.”
Jarvis: “They’re my people too, Gibbs.”
Gibbs: “Yes. But we function as a team. If you remove one, everything changes.”

Jarvis: “Director Vance told me to expect some push back from you but you’re being borderline disrespectful.”
Gibbs: “That a compliment, Sir?”

Jarvis: “You get DiNozzo back when I’m done with him.”
Gibbs: “What if he doesn’t make it back?”

Jarvis: “Oh my God, Felix. He’s a friend.”
Gibbs: “Well you’re friend’s dead Mr Secretary. You think that this has anything to do with it?”
CRIME SCENE.
Palmer: “Well if I were him I’d be asking how to get blood out of a two hundred dollar white dress shirt. See, it’s all about oxygenating the stain. My mother used to use club soda, but my uncle preferred Perry with a dash of…um…the incision. They’re probably talking about the incision.”
PRESENT TIME - hospital room
.
Rachel: “Did Gibbs not notice you weren’t at the hotel?”
DiNozzo: “Well. Missing a crime scene never goes over well, but I was already on the mission.”
Rachel: “What did you say to him?”
DiNozzo: “I didn’t. He knew I wasn’t there. Gibbs sees everything you know.”

Rachel: “Where were you in your assignment at this point?”
DiNozzo: “I don’t know. You know when my Mom died we were in a room like this. I remember cause there was a movie playing.
“Angels with Dirty Faces.” Michael Curtiz…these two kids growing up together…Bogie’s priest …Cagney.The mobster searching for answers.”

Rachel: “Life’s crossroads. We all make decisions some smarter than others.”

DiNozzo: “The thing about chasing a Federal Agent. They know how to disappear. She was careful about not leaving a paper trail. Not careful enough.”
FLASHBACK - July.

DiNozzo: “Kiowa Island huh? Nice…peachy.”

DiNozzo: “I don’t know what you’re mixed up in but people are looking for you. Ok, people who don’t have the same personal investment as yours truly.”
BULLPEN.
McGee: “All the details were adapted. Both apparently worked for the director of special operations. A civilian named Sean Latham. Latham leads a secret armada of spy vessels called the Watcher Fleet. Watchers are loading with billions in surveillance. They constantly are monitoring terrorists and anti-military activity.”
Gibbs: “Spying on spies.”
HOSPITAL - present.
Gibbs: “Special Agent Gibbs?”
Gibbs: “Yeah, what can I do for ya?”
Stratton: “Agent Stratton…FBI. Busy night huh? Burning the wick at both ends.”

Stratton: “I heard he was shot.”
Gibbs: “Man, I tell ya. You’re just chock full of all kinds of bad information, Stratton. Go home. Sorry you got outta
bed.”
HOSPITAL ROOM - present.
Rachel: “Why do you think you keep getting involved with dysfunctional women?”
DiNozzo: “What?”
Rachel: “Well the women you date are all messed up.”
DiNozzo: “I date all kinds of women.”

Rachel: “You know I think you’re drawn to them because you want to help them.”
DiNozzo: “I am drawn to them because usually they’re pretty hot.”

Rachel: “Tony…admit it. You like hot girls who carry guns.”
DiNozzo: “Who doesn’t like hot girls who carry guns?”

DiNozzo: “Of course it does. I see what you did there. That was tricky. You really like these head games dontcha? You did that on purpose.”
Rachel: “Anger releases endorphins and endorphins can jog all sorts of memories.”
FLASHBACK - Abby’s Lab.
Abby: “Now that we know about Wright and Levin’s Naval Intel connection, I did a little digging of my own. When implanted under the flesh, microchips can leave behind metal hydro cryogen. High tech rust. Look what I figured out.”
McGee: “That it hurt.”

Abby: “Well yeah. But based on the level of metallic decomp Ducky found; I was able to determine that the chips were implanted at approximately the same time. Both in the left arm, both in the same position, and both functioning as low emitting radio frequency ID tags.”
McGee: “They were access chips. Electronic door openers.”
DIRECTOR'S OFFICE.

Vance: “Gibbs. This is Sean Latham. ONI’s director of the Watcher Fleet.”
Gibbs: “I didn’t know if you guys really existed.”
Latham: “Flesh and blood.”
GIBBS HOUSE.

E.J.: “Hi Gibbs.”
DiNozzo: “Boss. We need your help.”
Gibbs: “Mhmm…after you cook dinner.”

AT DINNER TABLE.
DiNozzo: “So I’m sitting there and I’m, you know, I’m on my third tequila. I’m not in good shape. And Franks is like 12 sheets to the wind, when all of a sudden the door swings open. And standing there are the three of the deadliest drug dealers in all of Mexico and you know what Franks does?
Gibbs: "He turns to the bartender and he says… 'Cervantes for my amigos. If I’m dead, put it on my tab probie. His family’s here now. It’s good to have ‘em close.'

E.J.: “You don’t trust anyone do you, Gibbs?”
Gibbs: “Yeah I do. I just make em’ earn it.”
PRESENT.
Rachel: “Like family.”
DiNozzo: “No. Not my family. My family’s way was less dependable. You should meet my father sometime it would explain a lot.”

DiNozzo: “He’d like that too I think. N.C.I.S. is part of who I am.”

Rachel: “And yet you took an assignment that resulted in the death of another agent. The very people you say you trust with your life. You’re contradicting yourself.”
DiNozzo: “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Stratton: “Well. Look at me, interrupting with a doctor’s work. I’m just so glad to see you’re alive, Agent DiNozzo.”
BULLPEN - September.
McGee: “Tony, you’ve been off the grid for weeks.”
DiNozzo: “Miss me Mcworrywart? I was busy doing my job.”
McGee: “Well. We were concerned.”

Ziva: “Yes, Tony. I expressed curiosity, even though you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself. You and Ray are cut from the same quilt.”
Gibbs: “Cloth.”
DiNozzo: “Oh, don’t interrupt her Boss. She’s on a roll.”
PRESENT.
Gibbs: “Doc. Can you give us a minute?”
Rachel: “Alright. I’ll go get my sixth cup of coffee for the evening.”
Gibbs: “Lightweight.”
Rachel: “Ruin all my hard work and I’ll kill you.”
FLASHBACK.
DiNozzo: “Permission to speak candidly Mr Secretary.”
Jarvis: “Go for it.”
DiNozzo: “This mission blows.”

Jarvis: “I’m sorry you’re disappointed. Rule number one in Washington politics; don’t take work personally.”
DiNozzo: “I know a few rules too Sir.”
Jarvis: “Such as.”
DiNozzo: “Rule number three; never believe what you’re told.”
Jarvis: “What’re you insinuating?”
DiNozzo: “Rule number five; don’t waste good.”
Jarvis: “In other words, I’m wasting your precious time.”
DiNozzo: “And then of course there’s my favourite…rule number thirty-six; if you feel like you’re being played; you probably are.”

Jarvis: “Whattaya’ want?”
DiNozzo: “I want you to take me off this assignment.”
Jarvis: “I can’t do that.”
DiNozzo: “I feel like I’m too close.”
Jarvis: “That’s the sacrifice. Nature of the beast.”

DiNozzo: “People are getting hurt. People I care about. And I’m not asking you Sir, I’m telling you. You take me off this assignment
or I resign from N.C.I.S.”
Jarvis: “That felt like a threat. You wanna’ hear my second rule?”
DiNozzo: “Sure.”
Jarvis: “Don’t screw with me. I own you. Know it. Accept it. It comes with the detail.”

Latham: “I hope you play better than you negotiate.”
Jarvis: “Spare me the criticism.”

Rachel: “You saw the shooter Tony…in that alley. Who was it?”
DiNozzo: “Stratton. He killed 'em.”
DIRECTOR’S OFFICE.
Latham: “Agent DiNozzo is alive Mr Secretary. Guess he got lucky.”
Gibbs: “I guess we did.”

SHIP.
Latham: “Now then. Shall we get down to business? Gentleman, who would like to start the bidding?”
Episode 9.02 "Restless"
BULLPEN.
DiNozzo: “I have not been moping…feeling a little dejected, apathetic, perhaps.”
McGee: “That’s actually the definition of the word moping.”


Ziva: “Then I guess you won’t need this.”
McGee: “Or this.”
DiNozzo: “What are this’s?”
Ziva: “Gifts to cheer you up.”


DiNozzo: “Well. I have been feeling a little mopey. Thank you. Very sweet of you… Oh… two tickets to female mud wrestling? Thanks. I’ll have to put a pin in that. An original recipe Probie...very sweet… very nice. Two more tickets to female mud wrestling. How old do you guys think I am?”
Ziva: “Physically or mentally?”


Gibbs: “DiNozzo. I got a gift for ya.”
DiNozzo: “Dead body?”
Gibbs: “Yep.”


DiNozzo: “Thank you, Boss. A gift I can use. Only thing I need to do right now is to keep working. See? This is what I need...work…keep me busy.”
McGee: “Good. Think we can still get refunds.”
DiNozzo: “Never said I didn’t want them.”

CRIME SCENE.
DiNozzo: “They don’t have homecoming in Israel?”
Ducky: “They wouldn’t, homecoming is a distinctively American tradition. Actually, it began…”
Palmer: “In 1911 at the University of Missouri under athletic director Chester Brewer.”
Ducky: “Yes. However, it is interesting to note…”
Palmer: “That that year is a matter of some contention. In fact…I’m sorry, Doctor. I interrupted you. Please continue.”


DiNozzo: “I remember my last homecoming…parade…the game...stinky John up the flag pole by his underwear...good times.”
McGee: “Says the man too mature for female mud wrestling.”
EVIDENCE GARAGE.
McGee: “How many more are there?”
DiNozzo: “Another thirty or so. Next time why don’t you just shoot the driver.”
Ziva: “Next time I will.”


McGee: “I hate face masks. They make me claustrophobic.”
Abby: “Well. So will the iron lung you’re gonna call home when you get silicosis from all the silica dust.”

DiNozzo: “Wait. Aren’t you gonna stay and help?”
Abby: “Ah. That is so sweet of you to ask. But my job is to process the evidence not to find it. I would never want to take that away from you.”


Gibbs: “Ok, let’s hear it.” (McGee and Ziva run over with Tony.)
DiNozzo : “As you were.”


DiNozzo: “Everybody loved this guy.”
Gibbs: “He’s dead, DiNozzo. Not everybody.”

ABBY'S LAB.
Abby: “Amazing…remarkable...totally unbelievable.”
Gibbs: “Whatta’ ya’ got Abs?”
Abby: “A newfound respect for my old homecoming dress. I loved it when I wore it and then I banned its mention during the next decade but I’m kinda’ coming around again. All it’s missing is a dog collar.”


Gibbs: “Which one was the lucky guy?”
Abby: “Um...all of them. They all ask me to the dance and I couldn’t bare to say no so I kinda’ talked all three of them into taking me.”


Gibbs: (kisses her cheek) “Like the dress Abs.”
WOODS.
DiNozzo: “Are we there yet?”
McGee: “The more you ask the longer it’s gonna take.”
DiNozzo: “Oh really? So there’s some magical connection between my mouth and distance?”


DiNozzo: “I don’t know but I got a feeling that something’s buried right there.”
McGee: “No. I pulled a dead bloated corpse out of a hot tub last year ok. This is your turn.”
DiNozzo: “I’ll give you two hundred dollars.”
McGee: “Deal. You know I woulda’ taken fifty.”

McGee: “Feelin’ guilty about somethin’?”
DiNozzo: “Not guilty just reflective. Strung this kid up by his underwear when I was in boarding school.”
McGee: “Right. Yeah. Stinky John.”
DiNozzo: “Yeah. Strung ‘im up by his tighty-whities off the flag pole twenty feet in the air. Remarkably not cool of me.”


DiNozzo: “Huh. So that’s what Private Hill buried. Treasure, shoulda’ seen that comin’.”
McGee: “Gotta’ be fifty grand in here.”
DiNozzo: “Well I guess our perfect kid wasn’t quite so perfect.”

AUTOPSY.
Ducky: “It was the most exciting moment of my life. My heart rate accelerated wildly and my spinal reflexes were totally disinhibited.”

Ducky: “On what merits did you get elected?”
Palmer: “It was a charter school. There were only twelve kids in my class.”
Ducky: “Still. Your fellow students chose you above the others. Unless, of course..”
Palmer: “The other eleven were girls. Oh look, Agent Gibbs.”


Palmer: “You have any idea where it came from?”
Gibbs: “Don’t you have a pipette to clean?”
Palmer: “Always. Pipettes can never be too clean. Jimmy’s rule number one.”

YARD.
McGee: “Um. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you.”
Guy: “Your shoes offended me.”

Girl: “You find ‘em in a dumpster?”
McGee: “I paid over two hundred dollars for these shoes.”
Girl: “You got ripped off. Like you did with that haircut.”

Guy: “And what’s with the bag under your eyes?”
BULLPEN.
Ziva: “No McGee. You do not have bags under your eyes. They’re just trying to get your sheep.”
McGee: “Goat. You sure because I’ve noticed in the past week…”


Ziva: “Why on Earth would you try to find the man that you strung up by his underwear? To do it again?”
ABBY’S LAB.
Abby: “Look. I understand your pain. I mean, no one wants their secrets revealed, but you had something that I needed. You had something that Leroy Jethro Gibbs needed and that is a man that you do not want to disappoint.”

Gibbs: “Works for me. Get the password?”
Abby: “I did. I used a smudge attack.”


Abby: “Attack. Yeah. It’s deceptively simple. Every time a cell phone user enters their password they leave a smudge on each button press. It’s virtually undetectable. But. If you photograph it at exactly the right angle and then you jack up the contrast. You get a pattern. And with that. You can deduce the password. Which I did. Are you impressed?”
Gibbs: “Every time.”

CONFERENCE ROOM.
Ernest: “We don’t have any money.” (Gibbs looks at him) What’s with the eyeballs?”
BULLPEN.
McGee: “Who doesn’t like technology?”
DiNozzo: “Plague surviving mutants. You ever see Omega Man 1971? C…”
Gibbs: (head slap) “Keep it helpful.”


DiNozzo: “Yes, but do I have to do all the heavy lifting?”
Gibbs: “Yes. Lift.”

McCORMICK HOME.
Lindsey: “They’re not like the others…my real parents. And they’re not like those people who take as many foster kids as they can get becuz they get paid. They really care.”
Gibbs: “Yeah I know. Five iron tipped me off.”

ON THE STREET.
DiNozzo: “Seemed like a much better idea in the shower…John…somebody’s had a growth spurt.” (Tony steps up on the curb) Oh...That’s better.” (They both take off their sunglasses in mirror movements) You may not remember me… ah…”

DiNozzo: “Yeah…yeah man…Yeah. How ya doin’ buddy? Good to see ya’ how are ya’ John? Ah…look I just , ah…I know this is gonna sound a little crazy cuz it’s ancient history and ah…I just wanted to ah…say…I’m sorry for what happened when we were in boarding school becuz you know it was inappropriate and ah…well anything involving flag poles and ah…underwear…”

John: “Wait…wait a second…you’re sorry?”
DiNozzo: “Yeah…better late than never, right?”
John: “Uh, yeah. Yeah. But I just…I’m not real sure why you’re the one who’s sorry.”

AUTOPSY.
Gibbs: “So Duck…she crazy or not?”
Ducky: “Crazy is not a technical diagnosis.”
Gibbs: “Well I’m not a technical guy, Duck.”

LAST CHANCE RESTAURANT.
Gibbs: “McGee. Let ‘im go. You wanna’ make a run for it go… go. Go on...get outta’ here. Do it.”
Hank: “You got a gun. Whatta’ I got? (Hands him a waffle plate) What am I supposed to do with this?”
Gibbs: “Oh. Sorry. That’s right. You only use that on little girls.”

McCORMICK'S HOUSE.
DiNozzo: “I wrote an apology card. That’s not a good idea. Rule number six, never say you’re sorry. Let’s just say Lindsey wasn’t the only one reinventing her past. Apparently I didn’t string stinky John up by his tighty-whities on the flag pole, he strung me up. Which is weird…really weird because I…I’ve been telling that story for a long time and I don’t know when I flip flopped it. But I guess I…I don’t know maybe I was trying to protect myself or make things…”
Gibbs: “Easier.”



Episode 9.03 "The Penelope Papers"
BULLPEN.
Tony: “Yes. I know. I got it. For the hundred and eighty-eighth time I got it. Yes...the balloons and the streamers. I know. I know. What? No, no, no. No strippers this year. No. I gotta’ go, I’ll call you back.”
Ziva: “Planning a party, Tony?”
DiNozzo: “Not exactly. It’s my father’s birthday. He’s planning. I’m paying…in all kinds of ways.”

McGee: “Sounds like he’s really into it.”
DiNozzo: “Oh, yeah. He’s into it. Like a little sorority girl...It’s my birthday! My birthday…not even a present. Makes my head hurt.

McGee: “Least your dad gets in the spirit. Mine hates birthdays.”
Ziva: “My father attended every birthday party but his mind was always elsewhere.”
McGee: “Yeah. I remember one year, think I was seven. I spent all day making this huge card for my dad. Used paint, glitter, special paper…the works. I gave it to him that night and uh, he handed it back to me and said; ‘You can do better. Try again.’
Ziva: “That is a terrible story McGee.”

DiNozzo: “Yeah but McGee’s old man is a legend…right? They called him The Great Santini.”
Ziva: “Wait a minute. He’s a magician? I thought he was a Navy Admiral.”
DiNozzo: “The movie, Ziva. The Great Santini starring the great Robert Duvall who played the ruthless military pilot and brutal family man…Bull Meechum.”
McGee: “Please don’t.”
DiNozzo: “There’s those that got em’ and those that don’t. Gonads son! Big brass ones.”

McGee: “And there it is.”
DiNozzo: “Kind of makes sense that you’d end up workin’ for Gibbs, McMeechum.”
McGee: “There are similarities.”
DiNozzo: “He’s got big brass ones. They’re like bowling balls.”
Ziva: “That is disgusting.”

McGee: “I’m talking about tough love tactics, Tony…the veneer of impenetrability.”
DiNozzo: “The skill of turning one word into a rallying cry.”
CRIME SCENE.
Palmer: “He’s just enjoying a beautiful fall morning. The sun is out. Birds are chirping. All is right with the world and then out of nowhere, bam, lights out. Kind of poetic if you ask me…but you did not ask me...and I apologize.”

Gibbs: “McGee.”
McGee: “Boss. I don’t know what this is. I don’t even know this guy.”
DiNozzo: “Well…he knew you.”

BULLPEN.
Gibbs: “Sit. McGee, we’ll figure it out.”
McGee: “Boss, I don’t know ‘im, I swear.”
Gibbs: “Sit.”
THE TELLIS RESEARCH GROUP.
Westfal: “We’re self-sufficient. We installed solar panels and are hoping to raise our own cattle this year.”
DiNozzo: “Is that why you set up shop so far out of D.C...so you can milk cows?”
Westfal: “We believe a certain amount of isolation breeds creativity.”

DiNozzo: “We need to know what you really do here Mr Westfal. I have a feeling it’s more than grow just tomatoes.”
AUTOPSY.
Ducky: “That’s the third time in an hour.”
Palmer: “I know. I am so sorry. Will not happen again…I promise.”
Ducky: “There’ll be plenty of time to turn off each other’s calls once you’re married Mr Palmer. I’d advise you not to start before you’ve even exchanged wedding vows.”

Palmer: “How’d you know it was Breena?”
Ducky: “You’re a man in love. I’ve been there many times myself…though not much lately. Oh well.”

Palmer: “It’s just all this wedding planning stuff. It has us on edge. She’s having a hard time making decisions. I’m just trying to help but everything I say seems wrong. What should I do?”
Gibbs: “Just give her what she wants.”
Palmer: “I have no idea what that is.”
Gibbs: “Welcome to the rest of your life Jim boy. Whattaya’ got Duck?”
BULLPEN.
Ziva: “Who is Penelope Langston?”
Gibbs: “McGee?”
Gibbs: “Hey…stop!”
McGee: “Boss. I can’t right now. I’m sorry.”

GARDENS.
Penny: “Timothy. ‘Scuse me kids. Sweetheart. How come the long face? Have you not been eating those sweet grass honey squares I sent? I told you they’d flush out all the toxins. And you must be Tony DiNozzo. I have heard so much about you.”

DiNozzo: “Genghis Kahn couldn’t handle Gibbs. You should talk to your grandson Penny.”

McGee: “Problems with the Tellis Research Group?”
Penny: “Tellis? No…with his work at Waverly. Oh, since when was Paul workin’ for those imperialists nut jobs?”

Penny: “I have strong opinions about all kinds of things. And I was the wife of an admiral for forty years. Our pillow talk was enlightening.”
McGee: “Please don’t say pillow talk.”
Penny: “Ok. How about post coital embraces? Nelson confided in me about all kinds of things.”

DiNozzo: “Some grandson you are.”

McGee: “You know my dad used to do this thing when...you’d ask him a question and he didn’t wanna’ answer it, he’d turn the tables. Tell me I was the one with the problem.”
ABBY’S LAB.
Gibbs: “Hey...Abby.”
Abby: “Gibbs I’m in here. Here…give me your hand.”
BULLPEN.
McGee: “Well, Boss. I’m trying to penetrate Tellis’s top secret files but the code is overly complicated it’s almost indecipherable.”
Gibbs: “Decipher it.”
McGee: “Well that’s just it. I…I can’t. I mean I will. I will. I am.”
GARDENS.
McGee: “Do you know the kind of trouble you’re in?”
Penny: “I made a promise to Paul to keep his family safe.”
McGee: “I’m your family.”
BULLPEN.

Gibbs: “Hey. How’s she holdin’ up?”
McGee: “Well she’s a little shaken but otherwise ok. Ducky’s checking her out right now.”
Gibbs: “She still won’t talk?”
McGee: “She threatened to stage a hunger strike in the lobby if I kept pushin’ her.”
INTERROGATION.
Penny: “Agent Gibbs. I always knew that my grandson would introduce us. I just never imagined that it would be like this. You failed to tell me he was so handsome Timothy… great eyes.”

Penny: “That’s really none of your business.”
Gibbs: “Oh Yeah… it is…since you’ve done nothing but lie for the past two days.”
Penny: “Your inflated sense of authority does not impress me. I have never been a fan of fascism.”

McGee: “Boss. I won’t let you treat her like that. She’s my grandmother.”
Gibbs: “She’s also the lead witness in a murder investigation. Whattaya want me to do? Needlepoint my questions?”

McGee:“Boss…she means everything to me.”
BULLPEN.
DiNozzo: “Oooo…a caterpillar…scary.”

McGee: “Ducky, it’s McGee. Is Penny there? Whattaya’ mean she left? When?”
GARDENS.

Max: “Heard you’ve been keeping yourself rather busy these days Penelope. But then I’d expect nothing less.
Always such a busybody…had to prove you were as good as the boys.”
BULLPEN.
Penny: “And one year, Timothy became obsessed with my red pumps. He wore them everywhere. I mean to the grocery store…
to church.”
DiNozzo: “What’d the preacher have to say about that?”
Penny: “Hey kid. Don’t upstage me as he’s teetering down the aisle to the front...Hi honey.”

Penny: “The red pumps. We were just really enjoying that story.”
DiNozzo: “You little cross dresser you. Does the Pope know?”
Penny: “Oh it’s nothing to be ashamed of darling. You know it’s healthy to explore all sides of yourself.”
McGee: “I was five.”
Penny: “Yeah. That’s what’s sort of brilliant about it.”

McGee: “It’s gettin’ late…way past your dates bedtime there Tony. And I gotta’ get you home Penny.”

Penny: “It’s been a pleasure to meet you both, Ziva, Tony.”
DiNozzo: “Until next time Mo Cherie.”

Penny: “Timothy’s lucky to have you.”
Ziva: “No. We are the lucky ones."

Penny: “Oh that Tony DiNozzo. It comforts me to know you work with such a good group of people. I’ll admit, even Gibbs has been to grow on me a little bit. His cold despotic ways…really part of his charm. Who knew?”

McGee: “Wait…is this a date?”
Penny: “No. Just a cocktail Timothy.”
Ducky: “Or cocktails.”

Ducky: “So, have you made up your mind? English or Italian?”
Penny: “I think Korean. I like to have a bunch of little pots.”




Episode 9.04 "Enemy on the Hill"
BULLPEN.
Abby: “Gibbs Gibbs Gibbs Gibbs Gibbs.”
Gibbs:“Whoa, whoa Abby. What what?”


DiNozzo:“Who do you know that needs a kidney?”
Abby: “Oh I don’t know ‘em. I just volunteered.”


Sportelli: “I arrested The Cooler. (Blank looks) Come on. FBI’s most wanted list. It’s a career making bust.”
Ziva: “The Cooler?”
Sportelli: “He puts people on ice.”


DiNozzo: “Wait a second. Oh, I know him. That’s the guy that survived by eating mud, bark, and bugs while evading the Taliban.”
HOSPITAL.
McGee: “And how am I supposed to do that?”

DiNozzo: “Well I don’t know you distract him. Talk about your stupid obsession with jet packs men strapped to rockets…”
McGee: “Hey, I am not obsessed.”


Sportelli: “Special Agents...not gonna get to talk to Arliss, boys.”
DiNozzo: “You said we could.”
Sportelli: “He flat lined.”
McGee: “He’s dead?”
Sportelli: “Over and out.”

BULLPEN.
DiNozzo: “He evaded the FBI for years by hiding in plain sight. In a weird way, ya gotta’ admire the guy.”
Gibbs: (head slaps DiNozzo) “He’s a mass murderer.”
DiNozzo: “Despicable...nothing to admire.”


DiNozzo: “If only I could of interrogated him. Tell ya, five minutes in my magic hands and I woulda’ had ‘im coughin’ up the name of that hit man.”
McGee: “Five minutes?”
DiNozzo: “Five minutes because I learned from the best.”


McGee: “I been lookin’ for enemies, but Commander Brett is a decorated hero. He’s well liked. Spoke to his former CO. Brett climbed over some people while angling for his plum assignment on the hill but no one denies he deserves it.”
DiNozzo: “While angling for his plum assignment on the hill? Who talks like that?”

ON THE HILL.
Ziva: “Huh…packing?”
Brett: “Carrying a gun. Why does someone who looks like you become an N.C.I.S. agent?”
Ziva: “What’re agents supposed to look like?”
Brett: “Stern, surly, humorless…Agent Gibbs.”

Nick: (To Ziva) “Ok great. Nice meeting you…I think.”

ARLISS' HOUSE.
Sportelli: “She thought he was on the road selling furniture. Be my guest, talk to her. Look around. Better move fast, FBI’s on their way. They’re taking over. Hate those guys..glory hounds.”
KAPLAN'S APARTMENT.
Gibbs: “Whattaya expect to see?”
DiNozzo: “I don’t know. You’d think a guy who popped twenty-five grand for a hit would live in better digs than this.”


McGee: “Boss. This is the landlady, Mrs Roach.”
Roach: “Understand you don’t have a warrant Boss.”
Gibbs: “I can get one if you want.”
Roach: “Let’s just get this over with. I’m missing Judge Judy.”


DiNozzo: “Uck. Kaplan’s got terrible taste.”
Roach: “The apartment comes furnished. I picked everything out.”


DiNozzo: “Guy who lives in a dump like this has a business manager? No offense.”

DiNozzo: “That’s what they call a turkey vulture. Twenty years past a cougar. Still likes to hunt but too old to take down the prey.”
Roach: (from down the hallway) “I wouldn’t bet on that.”

TURNERS.
Turner: “Yes.”
DiNozzo: “You’re a woman.”
Turner: “What gave it away?”


McGee: “Do you know a Lieutenant Commander Geoffrey Brett?”
Turner: “No. Sorry. And I gotta’ get goin’. I mean my client is at the IRS office and he is hyperventilating.”

BULLPEN.
(Tony and McGee race to dial Gibbs first. Gibbs comes in and his phone is ringing.)
DiNozzo: “Boss. That’s me.”
McGee: “No. Actually that was me.”
TURNERS.
DiNozzo: “You don’t have to track her cell. She’s home.”
McGee: “What’s she doin’?”
DiNozzo: “Not much.(hanging from ceiling) We better call Gibbs.”

ABBYS LAB.
DiNozzo: “Aha…my dynamic duo. Does anyone know where I can find Gibbs?”
DiNozzo: “I know where Kaplan got the money.”
McGee: “Can’t you try telling us like a normal human being?”


McGee: “Whose account?”
DiNozzo: “I don’t know yet. But I’m gonna find out. See ya.” (Bounces out of the room)
McGee: “We got keep ‘im away from that new coffee machine.”

BULLPEN.
DiNozzo: “The Hitchcock classic ‘North By Northwest,’ George Kaplan is the name of the guy who never existed. Brett created Kaplan to hide the money he was getting from the Broussard Bank in Switzerland.”

Ziva: “What is it?”
DiNozzo: “Put on your most Mossad ninja face, no reaction, Commander Brett is George Kaplan. They are one and the same person.”

DiNozzo: “Gibbs wants you to hang in there until we know more. Don’t let ‘im out of your sight like you did last time.”
Ziva: “Nice. Well I’ll wait for you to call me back then sweetheart.”
MTAC.
DiNozzo: “Brett couldn’t explain his massive income. Not on a Navy salary. He had to lauder it so he got a little help from his 'bar honey' accountant Drew Turner.”

PET RESCUE SHOP.
Abby: “Um, no. I…I was just window shopping, but I…I really admire what you do here.”
Kyle: “I love your dog collar. We have a pit-bull terrier that has one just like it. Come take a look. You’ll get a kick out of her. Come on.”

GIBBS HOME.
Gibbs: “Yeah. Don’t tell Ducky he’ll give me a lecture on brewing. What do you need to work out Abs?”
Abby: “Just…this whole brother sister thing. It didn’t make any sense to me. I mean Kyle and me, our DNA’s a total match. So we have to have the same biological parents. So then I was like, what did they give ‘im up for adoption? I can’t imagine the wonderful loving parents that raised me and Luca ever giving up a child. But they would’ve adopted a child. And they did…me. I’m adopted, Gibbs.”


Abby: “This is my Mom’s hair. And I ran a DNA test on it. And I compared it to mine. It wasn’t a biological match, Gibbs. So I…I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know who my parents were. I’m just like…like, little orphan Abby.”
Episode 9.05 "Safe Harbor"
BULLPEN.
Ziva: “Doesn’t he know they do not take the trash out on weekends? Why does he order the same stinky takeout from the same stinky place?”

DiNozzo: “Wait. I think I have a solution.”
Ziva: “What? A pet for Gibbs? A…a new hobby?”
DiNozzo: “A new woman.”

Ziva: “What’re you talkin’ about?”
DiNozzo: “A new playmate for Gibbs.”

SHIP.
Borin: “You see the killer?”
Sterling: “No Ma’am. And when backup arrived, searched the ship…no one. Nothing on board but bootlegged cosmetics.”

Gibbs: “Camouflaged drugs?”
SHIP’S DECK.
DiNozzo: “I think Gibbs and Borin would make a great couple. Just think of all the fun they’d have givin’ each other head slaps.”
Ziva: “Well head slaps are not very romantic, Tony.”
DiNozzo: “Well they can be…in the right context.”


DiNozzo: “Ducky, whatta' you think? Gibbs and Borin…date mate material?”
Ducky: “Well given their combined work ethics they’d probably never see each other. Which could be a recipe for the world’s shortest courtship or extreme longevity.”


DiNozzo: “So nobody’s with me on team Bibbs?”
Borin: “No.”
DiNozzo: “We can change the name.”


Borin: “I’ll pass. You know what? I do have a list of girlfriends that might make good candidates.”
DiNozzo: “They can’t just be good.”
Borin: “Don’t worry. They can be bad.”


DiNozzo: “Looks like our missing crew’s smuggling more than cosmetics.”
BELOW DECK.
Ziva: “Fresh food and supplies for your family. I know you’ve been living on rice and beans.”
Mariam: “We don’t need charity. We need freedom.”


Ziva: “My name is Ziva. And uh, um no. I had um, a sister and ah…a brother. I also had a mother.”
Mariam: “Had?”
Ziva: “They were killed.”
Mariam: “I too have lost people I cherished. We come from troubled lands…you and I.”

BULLPEN.
DiNozzo: “Borin wasn’t kidding. Her list of female friends is longer than mine.”
McGee: “You havin’ page envy, Tony?”


DiNozzo: “Get to the good stuff.”
McGee: “And that would be?”
DiNozzo: “Well. More photos… preferably somethin’ on the beach.”


McGee: “Wow...tall.”
DiNozzo: “Six foot six. She come with her own beanstalk?”


Borin: “How’s Operation G Date goin’?”
DiNozzo: “Borin, do you have any normal friends?”
Borin: “Turn the page DiNozzo, plenty of babes in those woods. Detect.”

AUTOPSY.
Ducky: “There’s an Albanian proverb. Fire, water, and governments know nothing of mercy.”

Borin: “Gut tells me our Swiss family Robinson knows more about our missing crew than their saying. I just can’t prove it.”
ABBY’S LAB.
(Gibbs comes in to find many air fresheners hanging from the ceiling)
Abby: “Welcome to the Disenchanted Forest, Gibbs.”

BULLPEN.
DiNozzo: “Well she’s not military or law enforcement. That’s good.”
McGee: “Yep. Maybe we found our…(He clicks a picture up) ‘New Ordained New Age High Priestess…Ooo…never mind.”

ABBY’S LAB.
Abby: “No. You’re never gonna find the perfect woman for Gibbs.”
McGee: “How do you know?”
Abby: “Cuz he’s already found her.”
McGee: “His first wife. Well it doesn’t mean we can’t still try right?”


McGee: “Well found, yea of so little algorithmic faith.”
Abby: “Duly chastised. Hit me Timmy.”

SHIP.
DiNozzo: “Since you let your wife do the shootin’ you ought to think about lettin’ her do the cookin’ too. Smells like a Bath and Body Works in here.”

DiNozzo: “Sure you wanna’ jump? Lead might weigh ya' down.”

Mariam: “What has happened?”
Ziva: “The truth happened.”

BULLPEN.
Borin:......Find your Gibbs girl yet?”
McGee: “Think so. Lisa Credanski.”
Borin: “Lisa’s perfect. I just saw her last week. She’s a hiking partner…stamina of a horse.”


McGee: “Tony don’t’ take this the wrong way but you smell like the hot cheerleader in my high school home room.”

Borin: (takes the handkerchief) “Bend over DiNozzo. Oh, that’s really on there. I can’t get it off.”
Vance: “Special Agents Borin and DiNozzo. Please stop doing whatever it is you’re doing.”
DiNozzo: “We’re just a re-examining that very special bond between the Navy and the Coastguard Sir.”

VIEWING ROOM.
Borin: “Smug son of a b***h.” (Gibbs pulls the table back and pulls his chair close to Farid)
Borin to Vance: “Space invader. Nice move. I’m gonna use that.”

SHIP.
Mariam: “Perhaps I had suspicions. But have you never turned a blind eye on someone you love?”
Ziva: “Yes. And it was a mistake.”

BULLPEN.
Abby: “That’s not laundry detergent. Tony. Take your pants off.”
DiNozzo: “What?”
Abby: “Just. Take your pants off. Now.”

DiNozzo: “Alright…easy now. Keep it professional people. Move along. That girl’s always lookin’ at me.Think you can get it out?”
Abby: “Yep.” (She grabs a pair of scissors)


Borin: “Ziva’s not answering. Must be below deck with our shooter.”
Gibbs: “Call base security. McGee. Come on. DiNozzo put your pants on.”

SEDAN.
Borin: “Glycerin as in nitro glycerin?”
DiNozzo: “Of course. Fight Club. Fincher. Pitt. Soap. Stuff blows up.”
ENGINE ROOM.
Mariam: “She was my daughter. A daughter who I never get to watch grow. A daughter who will never experience her mother’s love…my love. You and your father are not the only ones who hurt. But despite my grief I still try to teach you understanding. Forgiveness Hakim…love…love.”
SHIP.
Vance: “I think you’re having trouble lettin’ go of bad habits.”

Jarvis: “This isn’t my first rodeo, Leon. Gibbs isn’t my first cowboy. I’m fine."

BULLPEN.
Borin: “Perfect. She’s even a Le Cordon Bleu Chef.”
DiNozzo: “Is it possible we’ve done something right for Gibbs? What if it upsets the space time continuum and sends the Earth hurdling towards the sun?”


DiNozzo: “Boss we found the perfect woman for you and we would like you to ask her out.”
Gibbs: “Who? Dusty? Nice lady. Great cook.”


DiNozzo: “Did you read that on the screen?”
Gibbs: “No. I dated her.”
McGee: “So what was wrong with her Boss?”
Gibbs: “Nothin’…she’s perfect.”
Borin: “Perfect. What happened?”
Gibbs: “Well there’s nothing more boring than perfect. Go,go. Go home. Keep your phones on.”


Borin: “Your team thinks you’re lonely. So...you lonely Gibbs?”
Gibbs: “Nope.”
Borin: “I’ll be right there. Duty calls. But Gibbs, it has been fun.”


Gibbs: “Ziva. Sometimes people do the wrong things for the right reasons.”
Ziva: “People always think their own reasons are right, especially parents.”


Ziva: “My…mother never told me what kind of um…man my father was. Perhaps she thought I was not strong enough to handle it.”
Gibbs: “Nah she was just being a mom.”
Ziva: “How do you know?”
Gibbs: “Perspective.”


Ziva: “Are you lonely Gibbs?”
Gibbs: “You’re never alone when you have kids. Night kid.”


Episode 9.06 "Thirst"
BULLPEN.
DiNozzo: “You know it’s too early when there’s no one even here to make coffee.”

McGee: “Anyone know what’s up?”
DiNozzo: “Oh, hey Timmy. Yeah. Gibbs wants to get a jump on Jimmy’s bridal registry. Ziva’s thinking his and hers salad tongs.”


Ziva: “Oh, Ducky you are my hero.”
Ducky: “That’s me…The Sir Galahad of caffeinated beverages.”


Ziva: “That my friends, was a very sweet gesture.”

DiNozzo: “Ducky has been pretty chipper lately. Ole Penelope must be quite the hellcat.”

DiNozzo: “Clearly, McGullible, they are sparing you the horrid torrid details of their racy affair.”

McGee: “Her name’s Mary. And according to my sources, Ducky is over the moon.”

DiNozzo: “Uh…ex-squeeze me guys. Very special agent here…I got solid gold sources coming out the yang.”


DiNozzo: “Nobody keeps a secret like me.”
CRIME SCENE.
Ducky: “Who are these little birds that told you of my personal affair?”
DiNozzo: “Well. I can’t divulge my sources Ducky, but of course, one of them was of the Israeli parrot variety.”


Ziva: “So much for trusting you. You did not even last thirty minutes.”
DiNozzo: “Last? Wait a second. What’re we talkin’ about?”


Palmer: “There’s a dating website dedicated to every demographic, doctors, dancers, civil war re-enactors, ah, scholar dates is dedicated to um…”
DiNozzo: “Eggheads. Big brains.”


Ducky: “Well I was dubious at first but after a whirlwind of computer chats, phone conversations, and three delightful luncheons. It’s dinner at her place tonight. She’s making her world famous paella.”
DiNozzo: “Ah, Paella…named of course for Paes, the Aztec God of sex after sixty.”


Ducky: “Well I was dubious at first but after a whirlwind of computer chats, phone conversations, and three delightful luncheons. It’s dinner at her place tonight. She’s making her world famous paella.”
DiNozzo: “Ah, Paella…named of course for Paes, the Aztec God of sex after sixty.”


Gibbs: “Was he bound?”
Ducky: “Well unless he had a cocktail taped to each hand I’d say that there’s a great deal more here than meets the eye.”

AUTOPSY.
Ducky: “As I thought. Water intoxication.”
Gibbs: “Drunk on water?”


Ducky: “Seeming intoxicated was the least of his problems Jethro. Pryor to his near miss with the truck our Lieutenant here was well on the way to drowning in his own skin.”
BULLPEN.
DiNozzo: “Easy up Nannie McPheeble, I’m just givin’ the kid a little vote of confidence.”
Ziva: “Yeah McGee. If Tony was flirting he would be complimenting her blouse not her work ethic.”

AUTOPSY.
Ducky: “You missed something Mr Palmer. In the area of the lambdoid suture.”
Palmer: “Not enough mint jelly…lambdoid its right where his head hit the pavement isn’t it?”


Ducky: “Yes. You might get Abby to determine what hit him. (A cell rings, Palmer looks for his phone.) No. That’s mine.
Hello Mary...something for me? Yes. I suppose I could sneak out.”

OUTSIDE ON A BENCH.
Mary: “Are you adorable or what?”
Ducky: “It’s the scrubs. They match my eyes. It’s my secret weapon.”
Mary: “I do love a man in uniform.”


Ducky: “Leroy Jethro Gibbs…allow me to introduce you to my uh, my uh…”
Mary: “Mary.”
Ducky: “My Mary…Dr. Mary Courtney.”


Mary: “Save room for dinner.”
Gibbs: “Dinner…riiiight.”

MARY'S HOUSE.
Ducky: “I stand corrected. But in truth it was just a clumsy attempt to inform you of my openness to new things. The Mallard opus may be lengthy but I firmly believe the best chapters are yet to be written.”

Ducky: “Is that your mother?”
Mary: “My hero. She taught me that there’s no greater feeling in the world than when helping others.”


Ducky:“She nearly caught me helping myself to a kiss.”
Mary: “She would’ve approved.”

ABBY'S LAB.
Abby: “Um. Well. Not for gossip. Sorry Tony. I mean I can’t tell you things cuz you totally blab. Kind of like some other people that I find myself suddenly disappointed in.”

DiNozzo: “How could I have fallen so far down the trust ladder?”
Gibbs: “Not a ladder DiNozzo. More like a step stool. Abs?”

AUTOPSY.
Ducky: “Well I must admit that after the death of my dear mother I fell into rather a personal funk.”


Palmer: “Miss the house?”
Ducky: “Not especially. Oddly enough, I miss the dogs. But as I was saying, when it comes to matters of romantic cardiology it is my heart to break not yours.”


Ducky: “Change is inevitable and necessary like the seasons Mr Palmer. I suggest you embrace it.”
BULLPEN.
DiNozzo: (singing) “Ducky is in looove…Ducky is in...looove…yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…”

Ziva: “I don’t know it or him.”
DiNozzo: “Rickie Lee’s a her…Chucky’s a him.”
Ziva: “Chucky? I thought it was Ducky.”


Ziva: “Got something…Gibbs. That’s Simms.”
DiNozzo: “Does nature call Boss?”
Gibbs: “She’s callin’ we’re answering. Let’s go catch something.”

LEESYLVANIA PARK.
McGee: “Ah. I’m allergic to something out here.”
DiNozzo: “Ever see ‘The Boy in the Plastic Bubble’...1976...Travolta in the habit rail with the dad from The Brady Bunch?”

McGee: “And what was he allergic to?”
DiNozzo: “Everything. All he could do was sit in this plastic bubble and peer out the window at the cutie next door.”

McGee: “Sounds like your perfect day Tony.”

DiNozzo: “Eh. I am feeling a little itchy. (Gibbs turns and looks at him)…not really.”

Gibbs: “Got a phone number?”
DiNozzo: “You can call but I don’t think he’s gonna answer. Not your typical tree hugger. (A man’s tied to the tree) Duct taped…nibbled by wildlife.”


Ziva: “Perhaps the stream provided water?”
Gibbs: “Endless refills…this Alcott?”
McGee: “Thirsty victim number two.”

AUTOPSY.
Ducky: (hangs up) “Forgive me Mary. No need to expose you to my foul mood.”
Palmer: “You know as my Aunt Beatrice always said, ah, if it’ll make us sad then talkin’s bad. She was terrific…tilll the shingles got her. I’m sure that Mary’ll understand if you…Doctor?”

BULLPEN.
Abby: “Gibbs Gibbs Gibbs Gibbs Gibbs.”
Gibbs: “Abs… right here.”

MARY'S.
Mary: “These were not good men Donald.”
Ducky: “Not to you. And perhaps not to their ex-wives but to their children to their parents they were not murderers Mary. They were not rapists. Any more than you were their judge, jury, or executioner.”

Mary: “What did I do Donald?”

Ducky: “Oh Mary. Love can cloud our vision. Make us see things as we wish to see them. See things as they are not.”
Mary: “I only wanted you to stay.”

AUTOPSY.
Gibbs: “Duck. I wish I had that Yogi Berra book of quotes for any occasion.”
Ducky: “Jethro, psychotic behavior is so bizarre, yet I just can’t understand how I coulda’ missed it. I’ll never trust my judgment again.”





Episode 9.07 "The Devil's Triangle"
BULLPEN.
DiNozzo: (puts another hair down with tweezers) “Twelve…thirteen… fourteen.”
McGee: “Fifteen. Don’t worry. You’ll get the hang of it soon.”


DiNozzo: “I found fifteen hairs in my drain this morning. I tell you this because you’re my friends. And I need you. For the past twelve years every morning I have counted the hairs in my drain and there’ve never been more than five. Never- more- than -five. Never.”

DiNozzo: “What’s not normal is a man of my ((??)) and vigor going bald.”
Ziva: “Well bald can be very sexy.”

DiNozzo: “Sure. I mean if you’re Connery or Nicholson. Would you date a bald man?”

McGee: “Tony. You’re not going bald.”
DiNozzo: “Says the man with the merging androgen etic alopecia.”


DiNozzo: “You have a little thin patch on your vertex.”
McGee: “On my what?”
DiNozzo: (demonstrates) “You got a little of the skinyama happening Tim.”


Ziva: “You two are being ridiculous. Everyone’s hair thins. It’s barely noticeable. And it’s not like you guys are going grey.”

McGee: “Dead body?”
Gibbs: No. Worse.”
DiNozzo: “Where we goin’?”
Gibbs: “Nowhere.”

COFFEE CART.
Fornell: “Can’t drink that.” (Drinks from a Pepto-Bismol bottle)
Gibbs: “Pass.”
Fornell: “Yeah. I’ll probably need something stronger.”
Diane: “I heard that. Since when do you need an excuse to drink more than you should Agent Fornell.”


Diane: “Agent Gibbs. Thank you for coming…both of you. I didn’t know who else to call.”
Fornell: “We figured that.”


Diane: “I need your help. Victor didn’t come home last night.”
Fornell: “That’s a record…even for you. You been married six months.”


Diane: “I want you to look into it. Ok. I know what you guys are thinking. But Victor is not the kind of man to just disappear.”
Gibbs: “Not sure how to say this…”
Fornell: “I do. Look. We are not your personal buddy cop investigative service.”
Diane: “No. You’re just my ex-husbands. And I need your help.”

CONFERENCE ROOM.
Diane: “Data storage coordinator.”
Fornell: “Sounds important.”
Diane: “It’s not, and he likes it that way. He’s not married to his work. He’s married to his wife. It’s a novel concept for the two of you I’m sure.”


Gibbs: “Was he at the office when the two of you spoke?”
Diane: “No. He had stopped at some fast food joint. He thinks I don’t know but I can smell it on him.”
Gibbs: “I’ll bet.”


Diane: “What is that supposed to mean?”
Fornell: “It means. I wouldn’t go home either, if I was covered in bacon grease and there was a bloodhound waiting. Look…Diane…we’re trying to help.”


Fornell: “You have to accept the chance that Victor might be taking a little break. The three of us know it wouldn’t be the first time.”
Diane: “No. It’s not like this was…(she makes a motion between the three of them) Victor and I have a good relationship. He knows how to treat a woman. He’s not afraid to show his emotions like some people.”


Fornell: “She talkin’ about us?”
Diane: “He’s not some immature child that relates better to guns than to people.”


Fornell: “Well…
Diane: (points at him) “Zip it you. But I know you both. And if your guts weren’t telling you there was something to this I wouldn’t be standing here right now.”

BELTWAY BURGERS.
DiNozzo: “Two males…two gunshots to the head. Both local DC residents. That guy’s got good hair.”

McGee: “Car in the drive thru is registered to Victor Sterling.”
Fornell: “I don’t suppose he was hiding in the trunk?”


Fornell: “I hate telling Diane she’s right.”

Ducky: “Sorry I’m late Jethro. (To Tony snapping pictures.) Would you mind pointing that somewhere else?”
Gibbs: “Late night Duck?”
Ducky: “Well I haven’t been sleeping well this past week. Enough said. My bodies are on ice…how considerate.”


Fornell: “(?) take over. Two dead guys missing Homeland Security official. You know what I’m thinkin’?”
Gibbs: “Victor was so desperate to get away from Diane he had himself kidnapped?”


DiNozzo: “What I find interesting is how the same woman landed both Gibbs and Fornell.”
Ziva: “Why? They’re very much alike.”
DiNozzo: “I don’t think so. Gibbs is wild savannah untamed. This Diane lady must have serious game to have landed a wild beast like that. Wonder what her game is.”

DiNozzo and Ziva laugh. DiNozzo mimicks Fornell’s hands on Gibbs.

ABBY’S LAB.
Abby: (to Gibbs) “Took ya long enough.”
Gibbs: “Whattaya got?”
Abby: “Questions…and lots of them.”
Gibbs: “Shoot.”
Abby: “Ok. First off, how quickly after you and Diane got a divorce did she start dating Fornell? Because that musta been, ya know awkward. Nothing …mm...okay. So we’ll just we’ll just circle back to that one. Question number two. Were you jealous? (Gibbs rears back a bit and stares at her) Okay, so I see you’re not ready to talk about this yet… um…can I get a do over?”
Gibbs: (turns around and walks out and walks back in) “Whattaya got Abs?”

Gibbs: “…which was erased.”

Abby: “It was…but not securely. So I’m working on reformatting the data. I had more success with the gun that you found. It is registered to Victor Sterling and it has been fired…maybe for the first time. Which reminds me, did it bother you when Diane chose a husband so opposite to you?”
BULLPEN.
Fornell: “Where’s her?”
DiNozzo: “Diane? Gettin’ somethin’ ta eat.”
Fornell: “Hope she kills it first.”


DiNozzo: “Yeah. She’s pretty fiery...can’t be all bad. Ya married ‘er.”
Gibbs: “Don’t remind ‘im.”


Fornell: “Got background on our two dead burger employees. One’s a Navy reservist.”
DiNozzo: “Guess that makes it official now. N.C.I.S. ...FBI…joint case. Marriage of sorts if ya will...sorry.”

Fornell: “It was an amicable split. Imagine that, fifty- fifty down the line. Whereas you and I had our bank accounts cleaned out. She even took your grandfather’s watch.”
DiNozzo: “Let it out. Just let it all out.”
Gibbs: “I’d rather you didn’t.”

DIRECTOR’S OFFICE.
Vance: “Two dead bodies, a missing Homeland Security Agent and a lot of cash. Maybe that’s what made ‘im a target. Did you ask his wife about the money?”
Gibbs: “Not yet.”
Vance: “Are you goin’ to?”
(Fornell and Gibbs together): “He can.”


Gibbs: “Fine with me.”
Vance: “Agent Fornell will take the lea…excuse me?”
Gibbs: “Works for me.”
Fornell: “Well it doesn’t for me. Any chance we can flip for it?”


Diane: “When the hell were you gonna tell me?”
Fornell: “Speak of the devil.”


Diane: (to Gibbs) “What else haven’t you told me?”
Gibbs: “We can talk about this downstairs.”
Diane: “What? You have a basement here too Mr Woodchuck?”


Vance: “Mrs Sterling, I’m Director Vance. Rest assured my agents are doing everything possible to find your husband.”
Diane: “Thank you. Just make sure they keep me informed too. Wasn’t any fun trying to pry information out of McCauley
Culkin here. (notices the wallet on the desk) That’s Victor’s wallet. Oh my God there’s blood.”


Fornell: “They did take one of his cards. We don’t know which though.”
Diane: “Which slot was it in?”
Gibbs: “Excuse me?”
Diane: “Driver’s license, ATM card, VISA, photo of Shannon, cash. In that order. Trifold wallet starting from the left side, condom beneath the fold…”

IRON CRYPT.
DiNozzo: “Huh. Man’s wallet is his kingdom. Snooping says a lot about Gibbs’ ex.”


Ziva: “Agent David.”
Curtis: “You’re really hot.”

Ziva: “We would like you to check to see if anyone has used it.”
Curtis: “Sure. Yeah. That’s easy enough. You have the softest looking skin.”
Ziva: “Now you’re getting creepy.”


DiNozzo:“That’s Victor.”
Curtis: (to Ziva) “Anything else I can do for you baby?”


DiNozzo: “You guys would know better than anyone what he’s up to.”
Gibbs: “Yeah. Why’s that DiNozzo?”
DiNozzo: “You were both married to his wife.”

AUTOPSY.
Ducky: “Divorce is as old as Hammurabi, whose code allowed it almost four thousand years ago. Other countries took a little
longer to catch up. For instance, in Ireland, divorce wasn’t legalized until 1997.”
Fornell: “Thank God I’m not Irish. Can you imagine being stuck with ‘er?”

Gibbs: “Don’t have to imagine…we are…unless you can pull a rabbit outta that body Duck.”

Ducky: “Negative. It’s highly unusual not to see some signs of a struggle...unless of course they were feigning captivity.”
Gibbs: “They weren’t feigning being shot in the head.”

Fornell: “Oh. Well. That’s just peachy.”

CONFERENCE ROOM
Diane: “Yes. Leroy. You do know your boss’ name.”
DiNozzo: “Of course I do…just never heard it pronounced that way.”


DiNozzo: “Cook…food. You like to cook?”
Diane: “Oh my God. You’re trying to figure out why Leroy married me.”


Diane: “I could tell you why Leroy married me but you have a job to do and you wouldn’t be able to concentrate the rest of the day
if I do.”

ABBY’S LAB.
Abby: “Gibbs you remember Carol? Ah, she’s a lab tech at the VA.”
Carol: “Infectious disease program office. (looks at Fornell) “What’s your name cutie?”
Fornell: “Tobias. I’m old enough to be your father.”

BULLPEN.
Fornell: “Seriously? Victor fakes his own kidnapping. And he steals a deadly virus then uses that to kill his own crew. How devious
is this guy?”
Gibbs: “Wouldn’t be the first time she married the wrong guy.”


Fornell: “Wait wait wait. She may be the spawn of Satan but she’s also the mother of my child. No way Diane’s involved.”
Gibbs: “Rule 69: Never trust a woman who doesn’t trust her man. Keep diggin’.”
GIBBS BASEMENT.
Diane: “Ancient history. Have you been just waiting for this all these years, an opportunity to twist the knife in?”
Gibbs: “No. No. That’s your specialty.”
Diane: “Your way of getting even with me for leaving you?”
Gibbs: “Should give you a medal.”


Diane: “Well if there is a medal I do deserve it for staying so long. It wasn’t easy being a human antidepressant. What? You didn’t think I knew? You just married me to get over Shannon. Sorry. That was it....I’m scared Leroy.”
WAREHOUSE.
Fornell: “That’s a hell of a rat trap Jethro.”
Victor: “Yeah. They got me chained. (Gibbs gets a pick and breaks the chain link) Not too bad for two guys who missed the
wedding.”
Gibbs and Fornell: “Work.”


Victor: “You’re forgiven. (He hugs Fornell and reaches for Gibbs) Get over here Leroy.”
Gibbs: “Hey hey hey.”

INTERROGATION.
Fornell: “What I see is a career bureaucrat who’s got way too much money in the bank.”
Gibbs: “Most of it hidden offshore.”
Fornell: “In the Caymans where you like to take a lot of vacations. With other people’s wives.”


McGee: (The door flies open) “Ma’am!”
Diane: “Back off McCauley. Get the hell away from him.”


Diane: “So basically you couldn’t believe that I would love you if you were rich? You didn’t trust me but you married me anyway.
I’m gonna make your life a living hell.” (Smirks from Fornell and Gibbs)

DIRECTORS OFFICE.
Pearce: “Thank God you’re alright. And I want to let you know that you’re gonna be getting overtime for this entire ordeal.”

Victor: “There was the brains of an old LX57433X in the storage room where they were keeping me.”
Vance: “A what?”
STADIUM.
Fornell: “Two of ‘em…thirty yards…workin’ the vents...ready?”
Gibbs: “Condom underneath the fold? Really Tobias?”
Fornell: “Same one I had in college. I never used it. Just liked what it represents.”
Gibbs: “Hope?”

VANCE'S OFFICE.
Vance: “Beware the military industrial complex. Next part of this investigation is gonna step on a lot of toes. You left me a bone sandwich Gibbs.”
Gibbs: “I cut the crust off for ya.”

Gibbs: “Ah cheer up Tobias. At least you’ll never have to talk to Diane again.”
Fornell: “I have a child with her.”
Gibbs: “Oh that’s right. Guess I won’t have to.”

GIBBS BASEMENT.
Gibbs: “I didn’t mean to hurt ya.”
Diane: “I know. I wasn’t the easiest person to live with.”
Gibbs: “I’ll agree with that.”


Diane: “I really liked ‘im. But I never should have married ‘im. I didn’t love him. Just like you never loved me.”
Gibbs: “I like you. I still do.”

Diane: “But the only woman you’ll ever love is Shannon. You were my Shannon, Leroy.”
Episode 9.08 "Engaged Part 1."
FLASHBACK.
Gibbs: “Looks like morning happened again.”
Shannon: “What’s the plan today?”
Gibbs: “Oh I’m thinkin’ hardware store.”
Shannon: “You mean they invented a tool you don’t have in that basement of yours?”


Shannon: “That’s what I like to hear. I love it when you start something new. What do you have in mind?”
Gibbs: “I’m hopin’ the wood’ll tell me.”
Shannon: “I hope the wood says roll top desk.”


Gibbs: “I changed my mind. I’m thinking bed…all day…with you.”
Shannon: “Gibbs.”

IN SEDAN ON THE ROAD.
DiNozzo: “Air Force is handling the site.”
McGee: “But any sign of criminal activity and we’re there to pick up the investigation.”
DiNozzo: “They were carrying six dead marines home. Why blow up a flying hearse?”
Gibbs: “They’re sending a message.”
DiNozzo: (sees devastation of site) “Got the message Boss. Loud and clear.”

CRASH SCENE.
Ziva: “Something’s on your mind. I can see your wheels churning.”
DiNozzo: “Butter churns David. Wheels turn.”


DiNozzo: “This isn’t the case de jour ya know. This is life calling collect saying, ‘Hey…I’m short. Appreciate me.’”

Palmer: “Dover Air Force Base, Doctor?”
Ducky: “Well these marines were headed for final DNA identification before being returned to their loved ones. Let us take heart that some of these cases are well, for lack of a better phrase, cut and dry.”


Ducky: “Standard procedure Mr Palmer. These marines made the ultimate sacrifice. The Corps takes great pride in the way that they tend to their fallen.”
Gibbs: “So will we, Duck.”

AUTOPSY 24 HOURS LATER.
Palmer: (singing) ‘This Little Light O Mine.’
Ducky: “Could you please shine in tune Mr Palmer? You’re putting a minor third where none was intended.”


Ducky: “We will rest when we are dead. Until then, consider John Paul Jones.”
Palmer: “The Led Zeppelin bassist?”


Ducky: “No. The naval hero of the American Revolution, he was almost forgotten when he was buried in Paris in 1792. Over a century later, President Theodore Roosevelt went to great lengths to locate Jones, exhume his body, and bring him back to America.”
Palmer: “Home.”


Ducky: “Precisely. Yeah, we take great solace in knowing where our heroes are buried. I can assure you, Mr Palmer. For every moment that we rest, the families of these fallen Marines do not.”
BULLPEN.
DiNozzo: “I’m just saying when your number’s up (snap) it’s up.”
McGee: “Did you know that phrase may have Biblical origins dating back to the Book of Daniel?”
DiNozzo: “I’ll take pointless Biblical trivia for two hundred Alex. Whattaya think this is, Sunday school?”


Chaplain: “You look troubled.”
McGee: “Oh don’t worry he always looks like that.”

DiNozzo, “This is an omen isn’t it? You were sent to talk to me?”

Chaplain: “By whom?”
DiNozzo: “The man upstairs.”

McGee: “Vance?”

Chaplain: “Uh no. I’m here to see Agent Gibbs.”
DiNozzo: “Ah, pay to hear that confession.”


Gibbs: “What am I confessing to DiNozzo?”
DiNozzo: “Nothing Boss.”
Gibbs: “You’re damn right about that.”


Mr Flores: “First Lieutenant Gabriela Flores. Remember that…here…(holds a picture) Her mom left when she was a kid. All I ever did was mess up. All Gabriela ever did was forgive me. Even after she got her own place, every Sunday night she would come to my house and sit in that chair and watch my shows with me.”

Mr Flores: “Chaplain. I’m not showing you what she looked like. I’m telling you who she was. She put herself through college. She became a Marine officer. She was helping children in Afghanistan. And still she found time to come sit with me.”

Gibbs: “Daughter’s a precious thing.”
ABBYS LAB.
Gibbs: “Good stuff?”
Abby: “Yeah. Like the answers and details. Gibbs I am going on no sleep and all Caf-Pow.”


Gibbs: “Abs. Take a rest for a few minutes.”
Abby: “I can’t Gibbs cuz the families are waiting. Luckily I developed an equation using outside stimuli and my own accelerated metabolism to predict how long I can go without closing my eyes before I turn into Zabby or Zombie Abby, and according to my calculations, I have like five minutes before I completely melt down.”


Gibbs: “Well then how big?”
Abby: “Like Chernobyl big.”

BULLPEN.
McGee: “Oh come on Tony. A bucket list?”
DiNozzo: “Hey!! No snooping McSteve Austin. My life is none of your business, you bionic eyeballs.”


Ziva: “You’re writing about buckets?”
DiNozzo: “It’s a bucket list, Ziva. It’s a list of things I’d like to accomplish before the end of the fourth quarter.
Life is short. I’ve gotta start making it count.”


McGee: “Ride a ferris wheel naked?”
DiNozzo: “Actually I’ve already done that. I should cross that off. Do you have a pen?”

NAVY YARD.
Chaplin Burke: “Got this for you.”
(She hands him a coffee)
Gibbs: “Nice. Black. How’d you know that?”
Chaplin Burke: “Well my old man used to say that a Marine fixes his coffee to fit his personality.”
Gibbs: “Yeah. What’s that say about me?”
Chaplin Burke: “Oh bold… complex...strong enough to stop a freight train.”

BULLPEN.
Ziva: (reading) “I dreamt I was back home showing you the sky as I remember it.”
DiNozzo: “Pretty syrupy. She fell for that?”


Chaplin Burke: “I hike there in the summer. Uh, you mind if I come along?”
Gibbs: “Yes.”

Chaplin Burke: “I can be helpful Gibbs. I can try to talk to him when mumbled words emanating from a grey haired grizzly bear seem much less persuasive. Gonna take us a while to get there. You know...we can chitchat.”
Gibbs: “About what?”
Chaplin Burke: “Oh you know…about things. I can tell you why I embraced the clergy and became a chaplain.”
Gibbs: “I kinda like the quiet.”

AT CABIN.
Chaplin Burke: “So. Two tours in Afghanistan later and I was even more convinced that I was doing what God had intended for me. Helping others find inner peace.”
Gibbs: “Well peace sounds good. A little quiet too, maybe.”


Chaplin Burke: “Oh you’re being sarcastic.”
Gibbs: “No…no...I’m not...I’m being honest.”

BULLPEN.
Ziva: “What about you? You gonna stay here and work all night? Cuz if you stay we stay.”
DiNozzo: “Let’s not get carried away Ziva. You heard the man. (Ziva headslaps him) Special Agent David. You did not just do that?”
Ziva: “I did. And I would do it again.”
DiNozzo: “No you will not.”

AUTOPSY.
Ducky: “Well I doubt that my friends here can tell you details of her whereabouts but feel free to ask.”


Gibbs: “I don’t know what to ask.”
Ducky: “Then it may be that you are talking to the wrong people. Jethro, the dead have always been kind to me. Provided answers I have required. But if there is a possibility that First Lieutenant Flores is still alive, then perhaps these are not the ones to whom you should turn.”

FLASHBACK.
Joan Matteson: “This how you spend liberty? Like birds?”
Gibbs: “It’s for my dad.”
Joan: “So you like your dad.”
Gibbs: “I like the work. Makes me feel like my head’s on straight.”
Joan: “Dads can’t help it. There’s no use holding it against them. Well Gibbs, good luck keeping that head of yours on straight.”
Gibbs: “Good luck trying to beat my times.”




Episode 9.09 "Engaged Part 2"
CHAPEL.
Chaplin Burke: (To Mr Flores) “Tell 'Him' what you’re thinking. In my experience, he’s not a big talker but His actions speak volumes.”

Mr Flores: “She should have gone back to base that night. She should’ve followed orders.”
Chaplin Burke: “Yes. But, by following her instincts, maybe she was following 'His' orders instead.”

HELMAND PROVINCE, AFGHANISTAN.
Gibbs: “Until somebody started shootin’ at us.”
Captain Quincy: “That’s the bulls welcome wagon.”
Gibbs: “Next time bake cookies. What’s the status?”


Ziva: “I grew up in this region.”
Quincy: “Looks like you turned out ok.”
Ziva: “I can hold my own.”
Quincy: “Copy that.”

TENT.
Littleton: “The kids trusted Soraya. We all did.”
Gibbs: “She took advantage of that trust.”
Littleton: “Well she succeeded Sir.”
Gibbs: “In being a coward. Now it’s our turn.”

NCIS.
Ducky: “… we may believe that everyone should be taught to read and write; there are still some in the Middle East who do not see it that way. Yeah, but on the other hand, back in the Crusades, the Knights Templar; well they were willing to kill for what they held sacred. Tragically, in both instances, innocent children suffer.”
Burke: “The battle for young hearts and minds.”
Ducky: “And Lieutenant Flores found herself at the very center of that battle.”

DiNozzo: “Look at you two. Hittin’ Wongs after hours and talkin’ the night away like a couple of college coeds.”

Ducky: “Well Commander Burke offers a perspective I find quite provocative.”
DiNozzo: “I bet you do Ducky.”


Burke: “What about you, Tony?”
DiNozzo: “Me?”
Ducky: “I hope you’re not wasting time on that bucket list I keep hearing about.”
DiNozzo: “It’s not a waste of time, Oh yea of little faith. Present company excluded of course. Yeah. I am working on a bucket list. Perhaps all this talk of terrorism has me um, anxious about certain insecurities.”


Burke: “You DiNozzo?”
DiNozzo: “Yes. Me. I know. Shocking. But beneath this incredibly masculine body armor there is a vulnerable do gooder.”


DiNozzo: “Yeah. Telling you would be like Superman telling Lex Luther about his vulnerability to kryptonite it’s not gonna happen.”
Burke: “So what is it Clark Kent? What are you so afraid of?”

DiNozzo: "Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo doesn't get scared. I've jumped out of airplanes. Dead dropped onto aircraft carrier, and I've killed people, sweetheart - lots of them. I've gotten the plague. Kissed a transvestite. Been tortured by the best the Middle East has to offer."
Burke: And still you're shaking.
DiNozzo: Okay, it's time to face my fears. How bad can it be? Bring it on Chaplin.

MTAC.
Gibbs: “Burnin’ the candle at both ends, Sir. Careful. People are gonna think you care.”
Jarvis: “Nice scarf.”


Gibbs: (about Asa Zoranj) “Talk to ‘im.”
DiNozzo: “Think he might keep in contact with the big sis?”

CAMPUS.
DiNozzo to McGee: “Ah, McGee. I love the smell of coeds in the morning.”

DiNozzo: “I used to thrive on all night stake outs and sub zero surveillance. Maybe this is a sign something is missing from my life.”

DiNozzo: “I hate libraries.”
McGee: “Another one of your fears?”
DiNozzo: “Don’t mock me.”


McGee: “Yeah. What’s a library smell like?”
DiNozzo: “Lonely smart people.”


DiNozzo: “Hey, kid. N.C.I.S. We’d like to talk to you for a second. Can we ask you a few questions? (The kid takes off) Now I’m gonna spill my latte. Hey!”
INTEROGATION ROOM.
Asa: “You are a country with an extraordinary power.”

DiNozzo: “You know what I find amusing? The idea of you in a tiny little orange jumpsuit all alone in a six by six cell crying for mommy.”
AFGHANISTAN.
Gibbs: “He tell you where his sister is?”
DiNozzo: “Not yet. But we’re squeezin’ ‘im.”


Gibbs: (to Lala and Kinah) “You never stop smiling ok?”
LAB.
Abby: “And I took their break down. And I made lemonade. Who knew that geochemistry could be so cool.”
CHURCH.
DiNozzo: “Commander. Chaplain Burke. Hello. Anybody here? Hello? Anybody here? Coolhand Luke. Of course, You knew that. You know I could of used You a couple a months ago. Got my head scrambled pretty good. Of course I understand You’re a busy guy. We haven’t talked much. That’s my bad. I’m doing the best I can down here Ya know... For a DiNozzo. Hopefully, living up to my end of the bargain. You do remember our bargain? Be nice to hear from You. So You have a plan? Anything You want to share with me? How ‘bout Ya let me know I’m on the right track? How ‘bout Ya let me know I’m not talkin’ to myself? You are so predictable. Well I guess what we have here is a failure to communicate.”
AFGHANISTAN TENT.
(Soraya's got hold of Flores)
Gibbs: "Your call. Give me a reason...So what's it gonna be?...Feed you to the locals, lifetime at Gitmo, or you die right here."


Flores: “She should be held accountable for her crimes.”
Gibbs: “How?”
Flores: “She should watch those girls change the world in positive ways she never imagined.”
Gibbs: “That a punishment?”
Flores: “That’s a gift sir. Punishment’s knowing she could of done the same.”
INTERROGATION.
Osman: "You could have killed me."
Gibbs: "Could've. Should've. Didn't."
Osman: "You are weak."
Gibbs: "No, just better. Cuff him. Get him out of here."

NCIS.
Vance: "That was the Commandant."
Gibbs: "Tell him he owes me dinner from 16 years ago."
Vance: "He called to thank you personally."
Gibbs: "Hey, I think he called to thank *you* personally.
Vance: "Protocol."
Episode 9.10 "Sins of the Father."
HEADQUARTERS.
Ziva David: "He cancelled?"
DiNozzo: "Not exactly. He never called to tell me... where to meet".
McGee: "Did you call him?"
DiNozzo: "Several times. This is typical...of my old man. It's his... M.O. if you will. My High School graduation for instance, I guess, technically he would claim he was there. But where was he *really*? In the Infirmary with the nurse, with what he claimed was "jet lag." Anyway it's not a big deal. It's just dinner. So what?"

CRIME SCENE.
Metro Police Officer Jackson
: "It's all yours Agent Gibbs. Body's in the trunk. Found the suspect asleep at the wheel. DiNozzo: "This is too easy."
Metro Police Officer Jackson: "My partner's holding him. And for some reason, he seemed realized when he heard we were calling NCIS."
Anthony DiNozzo Sr.: "Junior...thank God you're here."
DiNozzo: "Dad?"

Gibbs: Didn't see this one coming.
Ducky: How could you? This is going to be a sticky one.
Gibbs: Blunt force trauma?
Ducky: Why do you need me? I'll know more when I get him out of the trunk.
INTERROGATION.
Anthony DiNozzo Sr.: "Well, I uh, met with Masey at his office yesterday. And he informed me that he was going to screw me out of my fee because of some loophole."
Gibbs: "How'd you leave it with him? "
Anthony DiNozzo Sr.: "I threatened to kill him."
AUTOPSY.
Ducky: "At the moment, Tony is understating Senior's proclivity for misguided adventure".
Abby Sciuto: "I always thought Tony was exaggerating when he tells us those insane stories about his dad."
DiNozzo: "Gibbs will never find out. How's he going to know?"
Probationary Agent Ned Dorneget: "I'd have to tell him."

McGee: "Don't give up hope, Tony."
DiNozzo: "I gave up hope when he started dating girls younger than me, and that was in the late '80s."

Anthony DiNozzo Sr.: "Ziva. Oh, you look ravishing as ever. Junior, when are you going to come to your senses and sweep this gorgeous creature off her feet?"

Gibbs: "Dorneget, take Mr. DiNozzo to the break room, and get him something to eat."
Probationary Agent Ned Dorneget: "Yes, sir."
(Dorneget and DiNozzo Sr. start to leave)

Gibbs: "If he gives you any trouble, shoot him."
Probationary Agent Ned Dorneget: "...He's joking...I think."
Anthony DiNozzo Sr.: "I know you and I haven't been the best of friends for the past couple of years. But uh, why'd you stick your neck out for me? Let me stay here?"
Gibbs: "I didn't do it for you. I did it for your son. He deserves better."
Anthony DiNozzo Sr.: "You're right Gibbs. He does. I thought that when this deal went through, I'd be set. I could retire. No more hustling. I'd be able to be the person I always pretended to be. Leave some money for Junior. Real money."
Gibbs: "You don't get it. Tony never wanted your money. He wants a father."

DiNozzo: "How'd it go with my father last night?...Where is he? "
Gibbs: "Autopsy."
DiNozzo: "You shot him? Can't say I blame you."
Gibbs: (about a woman DiNozzo Sr was with) "You know her?"
Anthony DiNozzo, Sr.: "She's attractive...I have absolutely no idea who she is."
:McGee: "She works at Macey's company."
Anthony DiNozzo, Sr.: (to the FBI Agents) "Take off the cuffs".
Gibbs: "You heard him."

DiNozzo: "My old man did it again. Went to the hotel to see him. He's gone. He checked out. Did I get a phone call?
(Chuckling)... Noooo. Didn't even tell me. Shouldn't be surprised. What am I going to do with that guy? Makes me crazy!... "
(Tony sighs)

DiNozzo: "I should be really pissed off at him."
Gibbs: "Mmm-hmmm. So why aren't you?"
DiNozzo: "I really thought I was going to lose him for a second. As crazy as he makes me...I do love the guy...the pathetic thing is I've never been able to tell him."
Anthony DiNozzo Sr.: (
Entering) "Consider it done, Junior."
Episode 9.11 "A Newborn King."
Ziva: "You did not tell us that Wendy sent you a Christmas card."
DiNozzo: "Wendy who?"
McGee: "Your Wendy...Baltimore Wendy".
Ziva: "Your former fiancee."
DiNozzo: "Oh yeah, that. What are you doing reading my Christmas cards? "
Ziva: "It was pinned on the wall behind your desk".
McGee: "People usually do that so that others can enjoy them".

Jimmy Palmer: "The last time that Ed and I talked was when I asked for his permission to marry Breena. He laughed and then he cried... from laughing so hard. Then he got really quiet.'

Jimmy Palmer: (to the team) "You guys, he actually thinks I'm stuck in some government job which pays too little and requires too many hours."
Gibbs: (Gibbs comes in) "You are. Get off my desk. Grab your gear."
Jimmy Palmer: "Ah yes. Duty call. I better call Ed and cancel."
Gibbs: "Hold on. You're not going anywhere. Family first."
McGee: "You know you never mentioned why you broke off the engagement with Wendy."
DiNozzo:" Who said that I broke it off? "
McGee: "What? She left you at the altar?"
DiNozzo: "Didn't say that either."

Abby: "Hey, did he try to pick a fight with you in the Squad room? "
Gibbs: "No, he was just being... "
Abby: "Unseasonably and unreasonably rude!"
Gibbs: "No. He's being a father-in-law-to-be."
Abby: "Well, if he knows what's good for him, he won't come within 20 feet of my leaves of green."

Gibbs: showing his badge) "NCIS."
Marine Lieutenant Emma Reynolds: "Yeah. I've seen fake credentials before. Hand over your weapons."
Gibbs: "There's only one way to get a Marine's weapon."
Marine Lieutenant Emma Reynolds: "What do you know about it? You a leatherneck?"
Gibbs: "Where do you think I got the haircut?"

Marine Lieutenant Emma Reynolds: "Listen everyone, I don't want any special treatment. I'm a Marine first and pregnant second."
Gibbs: "Ooo right."
Marine Lieutenant Emma Reynolds: "Ooo right."
McGee: "I understand that sir, but you're not answering my question. Is Lt. Reynolds on your radar?"
DoD Liaison Klein: "Agent McGee, the only thing on my radar right now is Santa Claus."

McGee: "I understand sir, but you will let us know if you find anything on Lt. Reynolds?"
DoD Liaison Klein: "Even if I did, I couldn't tell you without authorization. Feliz Navidad."

Jimmy Palmer: "Well, if you hadn't made that comment about her tattoos, we wouldn't be in time out. Six minutes left."
Ed Slater: "You do know that there are jobs in the private sector that pay twice as much money, and still be home by 6, right?"
Jimmy Palmer: "Hadn't really thought about it."
Ed Slater: "Well, maybe you start...and all I said was that girls with tattoos are easy. Everyone knows that."


Ducky: "Is that what you want?"
Jimmy Palmer: "Me? No. No. I love NCIS. But I want to make Breena happy. Doctor...what if this is the only way?"
Ducky: "Breena would be happy if you are happy. Tell that to Mr. Ed."
Marine Lieutenant Emma Reynolds: "I saw a garage out back. I'll help push".
Gibbs: (Gibbs and Ziva just look at one another): "Don't push."
Marine Lieutenant Emma Reynolds: "That's what I like about being a Marine: procedures, a code. I like having a measure set of expectations. I could always tell how good I was doing. But with this - how do I know? "
Gibbs: "You don't. But you'll be able to tell."

Ed Slater: (Sarcastically as DiNozzo and McGee are leaving): "Yeah. Good luck."
Jimmy Palmer: "Why in the world would you say it like that?"
Ed Slater: "Why? The weather. The road closures. Because they're not gonna make it."
Jimmy Palmer: "HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW? They're trained agents!"
Ed Slater: "Well... "
Jimmy Palmer: "You may not respect me or what it is we do, but you have to respect the fact that these people - *my* people are risking their lives."
Ed Slater: "Well, when you put it like that."
Jimmy Palmer: "There's no other way to put it. Until you learn that, we're not going anywhere! Sit down and shut up!"


Marine Lieutenant Emma Reynolds: (Reynolds is in labor): "Don't leave me, Gibbs. I need someone to tell me how I'm doing."
Gibbs: "You're doing fine."
Marine Lieutenant Emma Reynolds: "Not so sure."
Gibbs: "Are you asking for special treatment, Marine?"
Marine Lieutenant Emma Reynolds: "Sir, yes sir - just this once."
Ed Slater: "If that's what you want, and Breena's still okay with marrying you despite..."
Breena Slater: "Dad."
Ed Slater: "Yeah?"
Breena Slater: "Stop."
Ed Slater: "Never. Just don't spend too many nights here, son. I want you two to have one of those someday. Merry Christmas you two."

DiNozzo: "Well, when I joined NCIS. I knew what was expected of me - everything. Doesn't exactly leave a lot of time for the Wendy's of the world."
Gibbs: "Did you come here to blame me, DiNozzo?"
DiNozzo: "No, boss."
Gibbs: "Good."
DiNozzo: "Family and job - two different cups."
Gibbs: "That's right."
DiNozzo: "And if I couldn't fill both, that was my problem."
Gibbs: "Mm hmmm."
DiNozzo: "What if I can now?"
Gibbs: "Then get out my basement! Man up, and move on!"
DiNozzo: "Huh? Like you have?"
Gibbs: "Don't be like me. Learn from it!"
Episode 9.12 "Housekeeping."
McGee: "Didn't seem that way at the Navy District New Years Eve Party."
DiNozzo: "Ha! Gotcha! I didn't even go to the Naval District New Year's Eve Party."
Ziva: "Neither did I."
McGee: "I rest my case. Since when did either of you miss a party?... also known as the Holiday Blues... pre/post. Not at all uncommon."

Ziva: "Well, only you can do something about that Tony. Change my dear."
(Ziva snaps her fingers)
Ziva: "... requires some action."
DiNozzo: "This from a woman who's been waiting 8 weeks for a single solitary phone call from one lousy dude."
Ziva: "Seven....and maybe I'm done with waiting - maybe it's time we *both* finally took some action. Maybe.."
Gibbs: (Gibbs arrives) "No time for maybes. There's a dead Navy Officer. Nothing maybe about it. Let's go."


Gibbs: (to someone unseen): "Get out of the truck now!"
Abby: (Abby's lab): "Um, maybe you should give Gibbs a call."
McGee: "Tell him we got an ID."
Abby & McGee: "EJ!"
Gibbs: The passenger gets out of the truck): "Barrett?"
EJ. Barrett: "Hi guys."


Gibbs: "You know we were there for you, right?"
EJ. Barrett: "I didn't know anything, Gibbs. Except that I needed answers and couldn't count on anyone else to give them to me."
Gibbs: "Not even us?"
EJ. Barrett: "Not without putting you in danger again."
DiNozzo: "So you were protecting us?"
EJ. Barrett: "And trying to find out who killed Cade before they killed me."
DiNozzo: "You know, I noticed something about you EJ. You have a tendency to disappear. I spent a lot of time looking for you - a lot of time. So you didn't think you could reach out?"
EJ. Barrett: "I was scared, Tony. Hell, I don't know why he's after me. It's not like I can identify him."
(a computer in the background beeps)
DiNozzo: "Looks like you just did"

EJ. Barrett: "Well, I can't stay here, Gibbs."
Gibbs: "Sure you can. Watch this."
(to DiNozzo)
Gibbs: "Keep her here!"
Dinozzo: "Me?"
EJ. Barrett: "But I'm the one he's after."
Gibbs: "All the more reason not to take a target along."
DiNozzo: "Boss, I cannot... "
Gibbs: "DiNozzo, make that two targets. If Stratton behind this guy, then both of you need to sit tight."


EJ. Barrett: "I've heard a lot of code in my day but my friend, *that* ranks as the lamest.
DiNozzo: "What's lame about a couple of guys talking sports. Besides we don't know if these (holds up phone)... phones have been compromised. Least now we know that Jarvis is onboard."

Sean Latham: (to Sec Nav Javis): "I assumed we'd be meeting in Director Vance's office."
Gibbs: (From behind): "Oh, there's more than one SCIF, sir. Why don't you have a seat? "
Sean Latham: "Agent Gibbs. Guess that leaves you in charge."
Gibbs: "Me? No. Sec Nav can hold his own."

Sean Latham: "Drop the gold solider crap. You're a turncoat now. Wanted by your own country. So just...forget about the girl."
Casey Stratton: "I wish I could."
Sean Latham: "Wish harder!"

EJ. Barrett: (DiNozzo opens a case filled with weapons) "All I wanted for breakfast was the coffee".
DiNozzo: "Now we're ready for a fair fight."
McGee: (during a gun fight with Stratton) "What's he got - a cannon?"
Ziva: "Sounds like a .50 caliber round. A gun that size that has limited accuracy."
Gibbs: "Seems pretty damn accurate to me."

Casey Stratton: "I'm sorry for your loss, Gibbs. Wrong place. Wrong time."
Gibbs: "Got that right".
(Gibbs makes a phone call)
DiNozzo: "We're ready, boss. Game on?"
Gibbs: "Game over. How are you, DiNozzo?"

Gibbs: "I don't kill innocent people for money."
Casey Stratton: "So why do you kill innocent people?"
(singing)

Casey Stratton: "South of the border, down Mexico way. That's where I fell in love. Where the stars above came out to play."

McGee: "Morning."
Ziva: "Hey."
DiNozzo: "Meh."
McGee: "I never thought I'd end up being known as the cheerful one at the office."
DiNozzo: "Wait, what?"
Ziva: "Are you saying we're not cheerful?"
McGee: "Last couple weeks, I'd say more, I don't know, surly?"
Ziva: "Surly?"
DiNozzo: "Surly you're McStaken."
Episode 9.13 "A Desperate Man"
Ziva: "Ha ha ha. That was very funny. He would never call you."
DiNozzo: "Actually, he just did."
McGee: (McGee's phone rings) "Uh, I've got a private number coming through here. Think it may be Ray."
Ziva: "Ignore. Hit ignore."
DiNozzo: "Better hope he doesn't call Gibbs."
Gibbs: (Gibbs comes in) "Too late."

Jimmy Palmer: (after encountering a classmate at a crime scene) "She was very shocked to see me here. What's the big deal? So I work on dead bodies."
Ducky: "Or worked."

Gibbs: "It's our crime scene, detective."
Metro Detective Robert Flowers: "Come here, Nick. Nick."
Metro Detective Nick Burris: "MAYA!"
Metro Detective Robert Flowers: (Pulling his partner back) "He's Detective Nick Burris - her husband."


Gibbs: "Go home. Sober up."
Metro Detective Nick Burris: "I'm not going anywhere."
Gibbs: "DiNozzo - conference room."
DiNozzo: (DiNozzo escorts Burris to the conference rooms, he passes Flowers) "Nice work, Flowers."
Metro Detective Robert Flowers: "Like I said bulldog."
Metro Detective Nick Burris: "Whoever, uh, did this has to pay."
Gibbs: "Let us do our job, detective."
Metro Detective Nick Burris: "If you don't, I will."

Ducky: "Seeing him reminded you of your upcoming vows. "Til death do us part."
Jimmy Palmer: (Palmer laughs) "Those words... they're so serious. Why - why can't it be something more fun like uh... "until we meet again" or "until the next sunrise" or uh... "until you lose all your hair and gain 300 pounds and I can't stand to look at your anymore. (Palmer laughs again) You know, I'm kidding. Love is blind."
Ducky: "This is the most wonderful time of your life - enjoy it. (Gibbs arrives) Hopefully, you'll only do it once."

Metro Detective Nick Burris: "I think you don't have a clue how it feels to lose the one you love."
Gibbs: "You're wrong."

Ziva: "I did not say no. I just have to make sure that I am ready. That we are *both* ready."
DiNozzo: "Nobody's ready for marriage - trust me. If they were, the divorce rate wouldn't be 50% - not to mention the murder rate."
DiNozzo: "Ah, but I killed the proposal. Should've seen it. Rocked the tuxedo. Set out the candles. I even managed to shed a tear."
Gibbs: (Gibbs arrives) "Something you want to share, DiNozzo?"
DiNozzo: "No, not really, boss. But hey, you should be getting ready to play Father of the Bride. I'd base it on the Spencer Tracy classic - and skip the Steve Martin."
Gibbs: "Yeah? I'm happy for you, Ziva."
Ziva" "Ha. I did not exactly say "yes" so... it's not exactly official."
Gibbs: "It will be if it's right."

Metro Detective Nick Burris: "She was in trouble, wasn't she? Yeah...why didn't she tell me?"
Gibbs: "We protect who we love."

Gibbs: (Ziva rushes to the elevator after seeing the phone number) "Ziva, where you going?"
Ziva: "Do not try to stop me, Gibbs. I have something to do."

Ray Cruz: (Ziva walks up to Ray) "There you are. Where are your bags?"
(Ziva punches Ray in the face)
Ziva: "Now you have my answer."

Ray Cruz: "Enough! *I* don't want to talk about this anymore. I made mistakes. What's done is done. Now, I just want to go back to being the man I used to be before all this - the man you fell in love with."
Ziva: "That man is gone!"
Episode 9.14 "Life Before His Eyes"
DINER.
Gibbs: "Don't talk to me like a greeting card!"
Franks: "I'm talking to you like a friend."
Gibbs: "What? I mean, that's it? It's over? But I wasn't done yet!"
Gibbs: "I was just doing my job."
Franks: "Folks that use paperclips and photocopying for a living, those are jobs. What you did is more than that."
Tony: Riva. Viza. No no no, Tiva.
Ziva: Ziva. My name is Ziva David.
Tony: Ah, Ziva, the Icy Israeli. I followed you to a hotel pool once.
Ziva: Clearly I made an impression. Cannot say the same about you.
Gibbs: Who are you, Riley? The ghost of NCIS past?
GIBBS BASEMENT:
Bitter Gibbs: "Is this one of those interventions?"
Abby: "Gibbs, no!"
Bitter Gibbs: "Good. Then get out. I don't want your pity."
SQUADROOM.
McGee: (walks in out of the elevator) What are you two doing?
Tony: Don't play dumb, Tim. We're trained federal agents. We can see when something's up.
Ziva: And something is definitely up.
McGee: What are you two talking about?
Tony: The two computer monitors on your desk have been swapped. No one just up and changes their viewing angle. Something is up, McAnal Probie.
McGee: My monitors? That's what you're worried about?
Tony: We're not big on change around here.
McGee: Well I thought I would try something a little different today.
Tony: What makes today so special?
Ziva: We know that look, McGee. It is somewhere between melancholy and constipation.
Tony: Consternation.
Ziva: No, I actually meant that his mind looked clogged.

Tony: (going through the trash) This can't be good. He cleaned out his desk, too.
Ziva: (whispers loudly, having seen McGee approach) Albatross! Albatross! (moves quickly to the large monitor, as though working)
McGee: (looking on suspiciously) So it's finally happened: you two are snooping together, as a team.
Ziva: We are merely curious and concerned.
Tony: Well, it's nothing you need to know about.


Tony: Computer monitors, clandestine meetings in Vance's office; you're up to something, McDevious. I can tell. Wait a second! Are you finally getting that sex change operation? Good for you, McGee. Or is it McShe? No judgement! I'm proud of you.
McGee: Look, Director Vance offered me a job promotion, okay? As head of the cyber division in Okinawa.
Tony: That's it?
McGee: Yes.
Tony: Well everybody knows that, Tim. Good for you. It's fantastic. You've gotta take that opportunity. The last cyber agent? He's at Microsoft now.
McGee: Yeah, as head of security. The guy's a rockstar.

McGee: Why are you being so normal about all this? Your sincerity is disconcerting.
Tony: You prefer I attack you with some kind of sarcastic, hostile remark?
McGee: Sort of, yeah. What do I do?
Tony: It's your choice, but I'd trust my gut. It's what Gibbs would do.


Shannon: Just think of all the cases, all of the lives you've touched, Gibbs. You sacrificed everything to help those people.
Gibbs: But I wanted both.
Shannon: It doesn't work like that.
Episode 9.15 "Secrets"
HEADQUARTERS
Ziva: (mumbling in Hebrew) Unbelievable!
Tony: You finally saw The Crying Game?
Ziva: No. I got a speeding ticket!
Tony: Oh. You know what that means, McGee.
McGee: The system works.
Ziva: I was barely going over the limit!
McGee: Let me see. (takes the ticket from Ziva) It says you were doing 80 in a 40.
Ziva: Not the entire time.

Tony: Did you tell them you were a federal agent?
Ziva: Excuse me?
Tony: Well, sometimes if they know they look the other way. (flahes badge) Oh, that's not my wallet!
Ziva: You do that often?
Tony: With one notable exception, I haven't gotten a speeding ticket in seventeen years.
McGee: Or paid for parking at football games.
Tony: It's a gray area. Sometimes I even get my donuts and coffee for free.
Ziva: I do not think Gibbs would approve.
Tony: What Gibbs doesn't know won't hurt him.
Gibbs: What don't I know, DiNozzo?

Tony: Um, Ziva got a speeding ticket! (looks uncomfortable after receiving a disapproving look from Ziva) And I sometimes get coffee for free. But I tip big! All right, let's have it. (Gibbs headslap)
Gibbs: Let's go. Dead Navy captain.
Ziva: Do you ever get the feeling that he enjoys being smacked in the head?
McGee: I'd rather not think about it.


Tony: Sorry, I'm just --
McGee: Really pensive.
Tony: Confused.
McGee: Why, because you made out with your ex-fiance today?
Tony: What are you talking about?
McGee: Lipstick. It's not your color.
Tony: (checks in the mirror) Eagle eye, McGee.

Tony: NTSB is still looking for bodies.
McGee: What happened?
Tony: That's a good question, McGee. You always ask the good questions.
Ziva: (to Tony) That is something Wendy mentioned about you. That you were one of the most honest people she knew. To others. She said the only person you lied to was yourself, which you do. A lot.

Tony: You ever have something terrible happen to you and you think you've put it all behind you, but then the terrible comes back and it's more terrible than it was before?
Ducky: I'm confused.
Tony: So am I.
Ducky: Tony, it was very clear to me from the very first day I met you that you were a man in pain.
Tony: I'm sorry, I think you have me confused with someone else.
Ducky: No, your pain is as clear to me as Jethro's. He lost Shannon, the one love of his life, and you lost faith in yourself for so many reasons. Jethro coped with his pain by repeatedly marrying the wrong woman, thus ensuring that ultimately he would be alone and safe from heartbreak. You repeatedly chased the wrong woman. You're alone because you never did as you just said: put it all behind you.
Wendy: I lied to you, Tony.
Tony: About?
Wendy: Why I invited you to lunch. You were wrong. I was not trying to get information for a story. I invited you because I wanted to see you. Your turn.
Tony: I want to know why you said yes to me when the answer was really no. I want to know why you waited until the very last moment to tell me the truth. But most of all, my runaway bride, I would like to know why.
Wendy: Would it make a difference now? If you weren't so sad and so lonely you wouldn't even be wondering.
Tony: (laughs) Sad and lonely? You have me confused with Bosco. You like to see my little black e-book?
Wendy: Show me whatever you like, but it's not going to change what I see with my own eyes. You should tell her how you feel, whoever she is.
Tony: A) That's never going to happen, B) get out of my head, and C) answer the question.
Wendy: I left because I wasn't read to meet "the one", okay? And you were the one.
Tony: That doesn't make any sense.
Wendy: Are you sure? Because from I see you've spent the last nine years avoiding relationships. I was just broken first, which is why I left my hero cop to marry a stockbroker who cared more about money than people. I wasn't ready to meet the one when we met, Tony, but I sent you that invitation because I am now.

Episode 9.16 "Psych Out"
Tony: Boss local LEO'S outside say there's a woman outside who claims to be the victims doctor.
Gibbs: Let her in.
Tony: Doctor.. Kate's sister.


Episode 9.17 "Need to Know"
Tony: (notices that Ziva is pacing) McGee, what's Ziva doing?
McGee: Memorizing her speech.
Tony: Speech?
McGee: Director Vance volunteered her to speak at a high school career day.
Tony: In what language, Vulcan?
Ziva: I can hear you, Tony. I do not need you making this worse. Back up.
McGee: I think you mean back off.
Tony: Why are you so uptight, Ziva?
Ziva: Public speaking is not my thing. It makes me nervous.
Tony: Nervous? What are you talking about? I've seen you take down armed terrorists without breaking a sweat.
Ziva: I'm trained for that.


Episode 9.18 "The Tell"
McGee: Actually I think Tony said something about being on SecNav's PSD today. Ziva: That's probably a cover. I think they must be at some kind of..."Man Day". (Explaining to a confused McGee) You know when men take a day to do "man" things together? McGee: (sounding disbelieving) Really? Ziva: (outraged) Just because I am a woman, they do not have the courtesy to tell me where they are going, and when they are coming back! McGee: I'm a man! Ziva: (Matter of fact) That's right! (talking fast) Which makes this even worse. I'm gonna call Tony again!


Episode 9.19 "The Good Son"

Ziva:“I’m worried, McGee. What if he’s sick?”

McGee: “He’d be whining. He always whines when he’s sick."
DiNozzo: “You two really suck at whispering. Believe it or not, I can hear you. I’m not sick. Every once in a while I just need to power down, be still, reflect on this little trip through the cosmic rip. I need to find my deep calm."
McGee: “Yeah, he’s sick."


Ziva: "Ooh, McGee! Gibbs wrote something in the comments section. 'Agent DiNozzo displays exemplary skills, though he can be too talkative in the field.'
McGee: “If by ‘too talkative’ he means you never shut up."
Ziva: “I think Gibbs was being a bit too gracious."
DiNozzo: “After 10 years, he doesn’t know this is how I work?"
McGee: “I always thought it was like a mild case of Tourette’s or something."


Tony: "It's my process. You guys know that. It's how I focus. I talk it out. Talkative. Coming from a functional mute, that' rich. Maybe that's what he's doing. He's trying to tell me something. Maybe I should dial it back. get my quiet on."

Gibbs: "Too much yabba yabba."
DiNozzo: "Sorry, Boss. I was just...suppressing the yabba."

DiNozzo: "So now it;s too much yabba yabba? When did that happen?"
McGee: In the womb would be my guess."


DiNozzo: "Ugly."
Ducky: "That's it, Tony? Only one word? No wisecrack about wayward sailors on shore leave? No obscure On the Town references?"


Ziva: "I understand that sailors often refer to this liberty as their annual beer and crabs week."
DiNozzo: "Not those kinds of crabs, Ziva."


DiNozzo: "I think it was Mae West who said, 'You've seen one sailor's anchor, you've seen them all.'

Gibbs: (To Ducky) "Family or not, I gotta do my job."

DiNozzo: "So you think my chattiness is annoying."


Ziva: “I think you asking me about your chattiness nonstop for the past 20 minutes is annoying, yes."
DiNozzo: “Wanna know who else thought my chattiness was annoying? Wendy. She said it made me sound nervous and insecure. Like that’s even possible."
Ziva: “Stop it, Tony. It was one little comment Gibbs made. Nothing more. And as for Wendy, I believe you were right to turn the book on that relationship."
DiNozzo: “Turn the page. Close the book. But yeah, I guess I was."


Gibbs: "I thought you were going to steer clear and let me do my job."
Vance: “Maybe I’m not satisfied with the job you’re doing, Gibbs."

Vance: "Keep me in the loop."
Gibbs: "Like i could keep you out of the loop, Leon."


Marty: "What can I say? I'm not proud. But times are tough. I mean, who doesn't need a little extra cash?"
Gibbs: "Cash? Off the backs of young sailors, serving their country, on liberty, in a crooked game?"
Gibbs: "I know that. I asked you your thoughts, though."
DiNozzo: “My thoughts? I thought you didn’t like my process, my yabba yabba."
Gibbs: “Doesn’t mean I don’t depend on it."
DiNozzo: “In that case, the pizza guys are slime-balls. Thin crust beats deep dish every time. And every suspect in this case has an answer for everything. But one of them’s got to be lying."
Gibbs: “Then which one?"
DiNozzo: “I dunno. Gonna take a little more yabba yabba."

Episode 9.20 "The Missionary Position"
DiNozzo: "Holy full frontal, Autopsy Gremlin! Are you about to flash us your Magic Johnson."
Palmer: "The wedding is in South Florida, so Brinna and I originally were thinking tropical pastels. But then we saw this baby and we thought, 'Let's go kitsch.'
Ziva: “Kitsch. That is a German word."
DiNozzo: “Yeah, kitsch. Camp. Completely tacky."
McGee: “Don’t forget ‘completely cool.’"
DiNozzo: “Eye of the beholder, McCummerbund."


Palmer: "If Gibbs would even consider being my best man, I swear i would have a field day."

Ducky: "What have we here, Jethro?"
Ziva: "What we have here is no Jethro. He's actually running late."


Palmer: "Poor guy. Looks like a pretzel."
DiNozzo: "An assaulted pretzel."


Gibbs: "Cause of death."
Ducky: “You’ve gotta be kidding. Well, stabbed, blunt force trauma, shot..."
DiNozzo: “Not to mention the whole plummeted to Earth thing."


Ducky: "Mr. Palmer, I would no sooner care to plan your bachelor party than actively seek a root canal. That's not to say that I'm not deeply honored. But take my advice: mentors make terrible wingmen."
DiNozzo: "McGee's idea of an incredible party is a bunch of free corn nuts and an Xbox marathon."
McGee: "Sounds pretty good to me."


Ziva: "We work together like peas in a poke. Like yoghurt and garlic. Like..."
McGee: “There’s pigs in a poke, and there’s peas in a pod, but..."
DiNozzo: “Yogurt and garlic?"
Ziva: “It’s a Middle Eastern staple."
DiNozzo: “Which I’m sure we’ll find in all the best Colombian restaurants."

Ziva: "Steely nerves this one."
DiNozzo: “Steely Dan. Nerves of steel."

Gibbs: "Watch your six. You protect each others rear ends."

DiNozzo: "You can't put that kind of weight on yourself. because if you keep piling it on, one day you can't move. Take it from me. I carry a lot of every day. So cut yourself some slack."

Abby: (to Palmer) "Yes, I can't wait! It'll be so much fun! The bachelor party. Um, nude ice hockey. I have so many ideas right now!"


Gibbs: "Congratulations, Palmer. You picked the Best Man for the job. Picked the prettiest one, too."


Episode 9.21 "Rekindled"
McGee: Nice look, Tony. What is that? Blue collar meets Ivy League?
Ziva: Chic farmhand?
DiNozzo: Ring a ding ding. I call it ‘practical playboy.’

DiNozzo: Thanks, I'm going for a new look. Crime-scene chic. Actually earning some style points."
Gibbs: One more word about your boots and you're gonna find mine up your ass, DiNozzo.

DiNozzo: Johnny Storm. Human Torch. Ever seen that movie, Fantastic Four?

DiNozzo: This is exciting stuff!

McGee: Tony, don’t jump to any conclusions, OK? Just ‘cause the guy has a nerdy job, it does not mean that he’s... OK, he was single. And he ran a Skyrim message board.
DiNozzo: “How many cats did he have?"
McGee: None, but apparently he did have a thing for Japanese anime pillows.
DiNozzo: Oh, that’s unfortunate. Although she’s kinda hot.
Ziva: It’s a cartoon, Tony.
DiNozzo: Hey, don’t knock the cartoon ladies. You got your Betty Rubble, your Ariel from The Little Mermaid, your Jessica Rabbit. Those ladies got me through puberty.
Ziva: You’ve been through puberty? I had not noticed.
DiNozzo: Well, you noticed Jason King. What is it with chicks and firefighters? And don’t say hoses.

Gibbs: Never assume, McGee.
McGee: Rule number 8. Got it.

DiNozzo: I think we all can agree that Phantom 8 had a couple of bad apples.


McGee: This guys not a cubicle nerd after all.

Abby: (To Jason King) So, what got you into fire? Was it too many late nights spent watching Farenheit 451? Towering inferno? Wait..Backdraft.?


DiNozzo: I was Agent Afloat for awhile. There's a lot of fishy smells.

McGee: It sounds like a lot of geek speak to me.

Gibbs: The best salesmen, they're the best liars.

DiNozzo: (To Jason King) I ran into a burning building and dragged your ass out. You're welcome by the way.

Jason: I heard her screams.
DiNozzo: You weren’t the only one. Something I learned that night, Jason. You can’t save ‘em all. Sometimes, you have to pick one. I picked you. Otherwise, all three of us would have died that night and you know it.
Jason: She was my baby sister. I was supposed to be taking care of her.
DiNozzo: A lot of things changed that night. I decided to become a cop because of a kid I almost lost in Baltimore, but didn’t. And that’s you. For the first time in my life, I made a difference. I did something that mattered. I’ve been trying to do that ever since.


DiNozzo: Focus on the ones you can still save.

Episode 9.22 "Playing with Fire"
Tony: Andiamo, bambina! (Let's go baby)
Ziva: Dove? (where?)
Tony: Gear up! We're leaving for Naples.
Ziva: Naples, Italy?
Tony: Si. I'm going home to grab some clothes. You should do the same. We're hopping the military flight from Andrews Air Force Base.
Ziva: Is this one of your practical jokes?
Tony: Nope. Gibbs orders...It's a good thing you canceled your Pilates weekend."
Ziva: "Who told you"
Tony: "I'm a very special agent. I have my ways."

Andre Fullerton: Shouldn't someone be reading me my rights?
Gibbs: You have no rights! You're a terrorist on a U.S. Navy vessel, and we're invoking the PATRIOT Act
.

(Tony, Ziva, and Burley arrived back at NCIS.They find the squad room is full with the entire staff staring at the NCIS Most Wanted Wall.)
Gibbs: Listen up! (He stops at the Osama bin Laden picture that has had a red line through the photo for the last year, indicating his death.)
Gibbs: For attacks against the United States Navy: Harper Dearing. (He pastes Dearing's photo over top bin Laden)] Let's go! We've got work to do.




Episode 9.23 "Up in Smoke"
Palmer: You guys, just give me one hint as to what Abby has planned. It is my bachelor party, okay? I have a right to know.
Tony: Sorry. She swore us to secrecy, and she scares me more than you.
Palmer: God. I think I made a big mistake making her my best man.
McGee: Relax, Jimmy. Everything is fine. Just make sure you're up on your hepatitis vaccinations
.Palmer: Hepatitis?
Tony: And get a good pair of knee pads.
McGee: And a good helmet.
Palmer: (laughs nervously) You guys are messing with me.
Tony: Are we? Two words.
McGee: Abby Sciuto.

Tony: I'm telling you, Ryan was there.
Ziva: So what if she was? I was happy to gossip when things were just getting started, but now that they are a couple I think we should just back off.
Tony: How are you not interested in other people's private lives?


Episode 9.24 "Till Death Do Us Part"
Tony: Please, who really likes weddings anyway?
Ziva: There's nothing good about them.
Tony: Weird uncles making inappropriate toasts.
Ziva: Rubbery chicken enhanced by cheap wine.
Tony: Cheesy music and children. Rental tuxedos.
Ziva: The bouquet, the garter, the cake --
Tony: The fittings.
Ziva: The fittings. The fittings! We're not even to the actual ceremony yet.
Tony: The vows.
Ziva: The ring.
Tony: The kiss.
Ziva: The ketubah.
Tony: I don't even know what I'd do if I had to deal with all of that.
Ziva: Elope?
Gibbs: Yeah, well, it worked for me.



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