NCIS Quotes Season 7This is a featured page

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NCIS Season 7 on DVD


Episode 7.01 "Truth or Consequences"
McGee: I am not your home theater guy.
Tony: Don't be redonculous. Of course you're my home theater guy.

Tony: It's computers. It's your thing. If I had a thing I'd show it off all the time.
Gibbs: There's rules against that DiNozzo.

Tony: You don't trust me to be professional?
Gibbs: No casting couch.

Tony:
(Telling the terrorist interrogator about replacing Ziva.) It might be easier to replace the drummer from 'Spinal Tap." Ziva's not replaceable.


Tony: (about Leon Vance) Some people don't like him. Some people don't trust him. Some people want to replace him.

McGee: I've been thinking about buying some tight, red-leather pants. Something that really cradles my butt.


Tony: Abby Sciuto. NCIS resident forensic scientist. A paradox wrapped in an oxymoron surrounded by a contradiction in terms. Sleeps in a coffin. Really, the happiest Goth you'll ever meet.



Saleem: You changed the world with rivers of blood.



Tony:
Did you know in Arabic, Sahara means 'desert'? So really, the Sahara Desert is Desert Desert...lots of sand.

McGee: Blah, blah, blah. Computer stuff. Blah.

Abby: Words...lots of words...emotions...thanks for listening.

Gibbs
: Some idiot smuggled a koala on a submarine.

Tony: (upon seeing Ziva for the first time) So. How was your summer?


Ziva: Why are you here?
Tony: Couldn't live without you, I guess.

Ziva: You should have stayed away.
Tony: Okay, tried. Couldn't. Just so you know, I've been given some kind of truth serum, so if there's any questions you don't want the answers to...


Tony: Wow. You guys have a whole little thing going on that I'm not seeing. But I get it. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, Bob's your uncle. I'm hip. I dig it.
Gibbs: Good, 'cause I need volunteers.
Tony: I volunteer myself and Special Agent McGee for the secret fact-finding mission thingy that's not secret in the Sahara. What are you going to do?
Gibbs: You don't want to know.
Tony: Good talk.

McGee: (while driving through the desert) Thanks for volunteering me.
Tony: Come on. You always said you wanted to travel!
McGee: On my own time!
Tony: On your own time? Are you crazy?! We can never afford this.

Tony: I'm the wild card. You know, the guy who looks at the reality in front of him and refuses to accept it.

Tony: You have 30 seconds to live.
Saleem: You're still bound. You're lying.
Tony: I can't lie. And I never said I'd be the one to kill you. Remember when I said my boss is a sniper?

Tony (to Ziva): Get over yourself.

Gibbs: [after killing Saleem and several of Saleem's men to Tony, Ziva and McGee] Let's go home.


Ziva: You got captured ... on purpose?
Tony: Yeah.
Ziva: These people are killers, Tony.
Tony: That's why we have to stay alive long enough to not get dead.
Ziva: That would involve getting rescued.
Tony: Yes it would.


Ziva: Out of everyone in the world who could have found me, it had to be you.
Tony: You're welcome.


Tony: If I could drag her back I would, in a heartbeat. But that's impossible. Ziva David is dead

McGee: Hey boss? I think it's time we filled the empty chair.

Tony: Our team leader is the fearless special agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Former Gunnery Sergeant, Marine sniper, coffee afficionado, and functional mute.

Salim: So what are you doing here?
Tony: There's only one force on Earth that can short circuit a man's better instincts, put fire in his veins and make him dive head-long into danger without regard for his well being ... Vengeance , Saleem ... I'm here to kill 'ya .


Salim: DiNozzo. It's an Italian name.
Tony: An educated man.
Salim: I got my B.S. from Yale University.

Tony: [scoffs] I got my B.S. in the streets ... You guys got a lousy football team.
Episode 7.2 "Reunion"
Tony: Attention (A-ten-hut)! Like the army greens. We do investigate crimes in the Navy here, though. Nice smile. Good thing I have a strong ego, or I'd think you didn't like me.

Tony: *looking back at Agent Filmore* These details are classified, thank you!
McGee: No they're not.
Tony: They should be.

Tony: That's not bad for a guy who spent half of the last mission sleeping on the floor.
McGee: I was not sleeping on the floor.
Tony: Coulda fooled me.

McGee: She'll call when she's ready.
Tony: Last time I said that, I ended up tied to a chair in North Africa.

Agent Filmore: I had a hard time choosing the right adjectives. I couldn't decide between childish, juvenile, or just plain old annoying!
McGee: It's true.
Agent Filmore: And you! You know better! But you're so busy playing the faithful sidekick you just go along for the ride! Well, I've had enough. Make sure Agent Gibbs gets that.
Tony: Annoying.
McGee: Sidekick.

Gibbs: It's an old Buck Morris chisel.
Ziva: That is not for rescuing me. That is for leaving me in Israel. You are wondering if perhaps I rigged it to explode...
Gibbs: Nope. I was thinking that this is a really nice chisel.

Ziva: You were right...to leave me there.
Gibbs: I know.
Ziva: Well, the point is, now I do too.

Tony: Hey, you missed a shot there, sidekick.
McGee: I am not your sidekick, Tony.
Tony: And yet, you are.
McGee: No, I am not, because you're not the boss.
Tony: When Gibbs isn't here, I'm the boss.
Gibbs: Gibbs is here.
Tony: Hey, Boss.

Ziva: I was not sure what to say.
Tony: Well did it have to be said in the men's bathroom?
Ziva: I'm sure it had to be said.

Ziva: You were lying on the ground, without adequate backup, completely violating protocol.
Tony: And doubled parked.
Ziva: Yes, I noticed.

Ziva: (to Tony) What matters is you had my back. That you have always had my back.

Ziva: Hello Abby.
Abby: (turns music off and glares at Ziva) What the hell is wrong with you? How could you have doubted Tony, after everything you guys have been through together? You really think Tony killed Rivkin because he was 'jealous'?!
Ziva: Abby, please calm do-
Abby: You weren't thinking! That's right, you weren't thinking! Although... I suppose I could understand your initial reaction...you were in an emotional time for you and people act rashly - but to tell Gibbs you didn't trust Tony?! Which... I guess I could also understand, considering. I mean, he did just shoot your boyfriend. In your living room. To death. Alright, I'll give you that. But this is Tony we're talking about here; soft and goofy on the outside, and 100% rock on the inside! And after everything you accused him of, he risked his life to go save you! You should be ashamed of yourself!....Even though in hindsight, it's starting to make a little bit more sense now. But either way - the ball is in your court now! It's Tony one, Ziva zilch! It's your move, and it better be a good one!

Tony: I'm sorry, Ziva.
Ziva: No. It is I who am sorry.
(She touches his face and kisses his cheek gently)

Tony & McGee: You're under arrest.
Tony: You're a bad putty tat.

McGee: (sensing the awkwardness between Tony and Ziva) And...I'm gonna go do that...after I get a Nutter Butter....

McGee: (seeing a plant and other things on the 'empty' desk) "Ziva's back"

Ziva: I was wrong about Ari. And you. When I pulled the trigger, to save your life, I was not 'following orders.' I mean, how could you even think ... he was my brother. And now he is gone. Eli is all but dead to me. And the closest thing I have... to a father...is accusing me...
Gibbs: OK.
Tony: How long have you been standing there?
Ziva: Long enough to see that you are well-hydrated after your time in the desert.


Tony: Everybody knows that side kicks are shorter, and you....
McGee: Are exactly the same height as you.

McGee: You think you're too good looking to be a side kick.
( Elevator opens with Ziva in it)
Tony: No, people think I'm too good looking, specifically the lady people
Ziva: Actually, I find McGee to be the more handsome, nothing personal.

Tony: Think McSidekick! Use the leading man...harness those powers.
Episode 7.3 "The Inside Man"
(Tony's cell phone barks)
McGee: (While upside down with his head under a dashboard.) That sounds like a dog!
Tony: Ah, you're such an easy mark.
McGee: You're such a child. All right, we got it.
(barking in the distance)
McGee: Got my tools . . .
Tony: Dogs, McGee. Dogs!
McGee: Yeah, right.
Tony: Real dogs! Get out of here! McGee! Big dogs! Big dogs!
McGee: You said there weren't any dogs!
Tony: C'mon! Oh, god. McGee! Get to high ground!

Abby: Ok, explain to my why we are doing this again. What exactly does Gibbs expect me to find?
McGee: You know Susan Grady in polygraph right?
Abby: Yeah. I I did a metal stress test on the steering wheel and the suspension mechanism, Negative. The computer analysis of the ECU; it recorded the vehicle pushing 1600 rpms at 110 mph when it rolled....
McGee: So you know Grady well enough to call her and find out why I'm retaking the test?
Abby: I already did a computer accident reconstruction....
McGee: I was completely relaxed, I was thoughtful....
McGee and Abby: You're not listening to me!
Tony: Fraternization in the workplace. Never a good idea.
(Tony and Ziva look at each other)
Burns (on the plasma): . . . whose tragic end was investigated by Naval Criminal Investigative Service which was quick to declare the death an accident.
Tony: It WAS an accident. Jack*ss. (he throws a ball of paper at the screen)
McGee: Is that pastrami?
Tony: Mmmmhmmm.
McGee: Can I have some?
Tony: Nuhuh.
McGee: Come on! You know I didn't have lunch!
Tony: Want my pickle?
McGee: I hate pickles.
Tony: I know...
McGee: (After Tony stuffs remainder of sandwich in his mouth.) I hope you choke on that.
Episode 7.4 "Good Cop, Bad Cop"
Gibbs:(to Ziva) Get to work, Probie.

Gibbs: [After Vance leaves him] Everything is upside down.

Gibbs: Are you superstitious?
Vance: I'm a little stitious.

McGee: I'm running a diagnostic on the virus you removed from my computer.
Tony: It's gone Probie. Get over it.
McGee: I can't even figure out how the virus got in the system. It wasn't an attachment. It wasn't a Trojan Horse. I can't quarantine the file...
Tony: Hey! I'm a hacker. I hack. (Grabs keyboard away from McGee.) We've got bigger issues. Ziva's in with Principal Vance getting paddled, or up a creek without one. We got a dead Marine, right? What do we got?
McGee: I'll tell you what we've got. We've got Marine Staff Sergeant Daniel Cryer. Recruited right out of high school.
Tony: Talk faster. Eliminate the dead air between your words. My mind absorbs things very quickly.
McGee (quickly): Received training at Camp Pendelton then shipped out on multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. Specialized in counter-intelligence. Immaculate record until six months ago. Unauthorized absence. Failed to report back to his fire base outside Kandahar. Stopped communicating with family and friends.
Tony: Take a breath. Have a keyboard. (Hands keyboard back to McGee.) Well done.

Ducky: Oh look at her. Look at the state she's in. I would have thought you'd wanted to be in there yourself, rather than having Vance interrogate her.
Gibbs: Don't you have some bodies to tend to, Duck?
Ducky: The evidence from the Damacles is being unloaded as we speak. Isn't this punishing her? I mean, you're not concerned that she might lie to you.
Gibbs: Eh, maybe it's tough love.
Ducky: You do know there are other kinds.

Ziva: How is my agent application coming?
McGee: Trust me...I'm working my magic, trust me Ziva when I'm through you will be...
(beeping noise)
McGee: Ooh code blue.
Tony: Someone's been black balled.
McGee: They gave you the red-flag.
Ziva: What is blue, black and red?
Tony: Zebra in a blender
McGee: That's black, white and red all over.
Tony: Newspaper.
McGee: Penguin with a sunburn.
Tony: Nun falling down stairs.
Vance: Bad cop?
Gibbs: You've been playing good cop all this time?

Ziva:You're lucky you're not dead.
Daniel:That's true for anyone.

Abby: No plan, Just go, find along the way, if you look for something specific....
McGee:...then there's only 1 right answer.

Ziva:[To Vance] Look I have learned many things from Gibbs. One of the first lessons, there's no such thing as an ex-Marine.

Ziva:[To Ben Qidon] Never apologize, it's a sign of weakness.

Gibbs:[To Ben Qidon] So this is how your boss operates. Sends you to burn her.

Gibbs: [To Ben Qidon] Go, get out of here, run. You tell Eli David, to stay away. She's off limits.

Gibbs:[To Ziva] Your father; Ziva, he's not a good guy. He's dirty.
Episode 7.5 "Code of Conduct"

Gibbs: No costume this year Abbs?
Abby: Oh, after last year's Jonas Brothers debacle, Vance banned all costumes...McGee, skinny jeans...didn't work.

Tony: "So Mr. Rogers did you kill your neighbor?"

Ziva: "It's NCIS! We don't want any candy!"
Tony: "Speak for yourself..."

Tony: "I love Halloween!"

Ducky: Interesting date for such a ghoulish demise.
Palmer: Yeah, it's a really cool way to go! [silence] Cool, as in the temperature. Liquid nitrogen. Forget it.


Tony: Probies, talk louder, I can hear you in there.
Ziva: McGee has been at NCIS for six years. I have been here four. We ARE agents, so can you PLEASE stop calling us ...
Gibbs: Problem, Probie?


Ziva: If Tony is right about the wife, I will never live it down!

Rachel: When do I get my inheritance?
Gibbs: When you're 25?
Tony: That will go a long way in the prison gift shop.

Ziva: You know Tony, I've been thinking. And I would like to acknowledge my place as a new Agent and your place as...
Tony: Your superior in every way?
Ziva: Yes, but for my sanity could you not call me Probie?
Tony: I say it with love. (pauses) And if I refuse?
Ziva: You are senior field agent, and I am entirely at your mercy.

Episode 7.6 "Outlaws and Inlaws"
Tony: I am a white male, between the ages of 18 and 49, with a loud mouth and a gun. I am the American dream.

Mike: I have never hit a woman, but--
Shada: I am finding that hard to believe.
Mike: I'm finding it hard to believe you're actually a woman!

(Ziva's asleep at her desk)
McGee: You do realize this is a trap.She's practically inviting us to mess with her.
Tony: Well, what kind of man would I be to turn down such an enticing invitation.
McGee: You wouldn't be a sucker.
(As Tony goes to draw on her face, thinking she's asleep)
Ziva: Touch me and die.

Tony: Hello.
Mike: DiNozzo. Shoulda told me you were coming.
Tony: I called and you didn't pick up.
Mike: Not gonna answer the phone, I'm a fugitive.
Tony: Well, what do you want me to do?
Mike: Knock.
Tony: Why would I knock, there's no lock on that door!
Mike: Someone might be on the other side with a gun.
Tony: Why would somebody be standing on the other side with a gun?
Mike: Because there's no lock on the door.
Ziva: (walks in between Franks and Tony) This has been very educational, gentlemen.
Mike: Lady Ziva, glad you're here. Gibbs send you?
Ziva: We have been instructed to sit on the baby.

Mike: Why don't you put something in front of the door?
Tony: Nah, I'll just stand here with my gun.

Vance: How's the statement coming, Mike?
Mike: It's a load of crap. Probie called me on it.
Vance: You lied to us?
Mike: I'm sure your shocked and appalled, Director.

Vance: What're you gonna hold her on, Mike? She hasn't committed a crime.
Mike: Conspiracy to be a b****.

Bell: Personally, however, I have not broken any laws.
Gibbs: US laws. But the federales want to talk to ya',
Tony: Yeah, turns out bounty hunting is illegal south of the border.
Ziva: God bless Mexico.

Vance: You think the grandparents can work this out?
Gibbs: My dad told me a story once. Dates back maybe thirty years after the Civil War. My great great grandmother and grandfather had fathers that fought on either side. These two old warriors, they probably shot at each other on the battlefield. They couldn't even look at each other if their own kids wouldn't. But they did come to live with each other in the same house. And they spent everyday for the rest of their lives on the front porch in a couple of wicker rocking chairs, rocking back and forth.
Vance: Well, here's hoping. But we got better things to do than be Franks' family counsel.
Gibbs: Yeah.
Vance: I guess they worked out their differences, your relatives. They mellowed with time, right?
Gibbs: Way I heard it, those two never said a word.

Mike: Is that the bad guy?.....Hey Probie, is that the guy that put the hit on me?
Gibbs: No one was after you.
Mike: What?
Gibbs: You were just the only lead they had.
Mike: Who's 'they'?
Gibbs: Layla and Amira's family from Iraq. They hired those two PMC's to find them. You killed 'em. You wanna know who the real bad guy here is, Mike? Go look in the d*** mirror!

Gibbs: I thought that you were gonna give me some room on this?
Vance: I was and I am. But I know Colonel Bell, we have friends in common on the Hill.
Gibbs: Then this is about politics.
Vance: Your approach lacks finesse.
Gibbs: Finesse?
Vance: You could show him the same courtesy I showed you when this case began.
Gibbs: You mean rub his nose in it?
Vance: You can go heavy if you want. But we're talking about the man with the largest private collection of legally obtained hardware in the United States. He's got Blackhawks in his front yard.
Gibbs: Are you worried I'm too blunt, Leon?
Vance: You are transparent. Two of his men are dead, you know who the killed them. I don't want Colonel Bell to get the impression that we're harboring a fugitive.
Gibbs: Why would he jump to that conclusion?
Vance: Well, you don't appear to be devoting too much time in tracking down his killer. If I were Bell that might make me nervous. H***, if I were me that might make me nervous.
Gibbs: Mike Franks and his family are at my house.
Vance: And you were about to send your agents over there to keep an eye on them.
Gibbs: Sure. While I find a more delicate way to approach Colonel Bell. That be any thing you want to help me with maybe?
Vance: It's like we were reading each others minds.

Tony: Are you studying to become a naturalized American citizen?
Ziva: I have to if I want to become an agent.
McGee: Good for you, Ziva.
Tony: Who says we want her as an American?
Ziva: Who says you have a say?
Tony: A little thing called the Constitution!
Ziva: [sarcastically] Really? Where?
Tony: It's in there, and it talks about dangerous foreign aliens stealing our precious bodily fluids.

Tony: That's --
Abby: Uh-huh!
McGee: It's no longer in --
Abby: Nuh-uh!
Ziva: This is Gibbs' boat.
Abby: This is the crime scene! It was flown here on a C130 cargo plane along with two bodies and all the evidence, and now it is mine. It is all mine! So I can figure out the mystery!
McGee: What mystery? Who the dead guys were?
Ziva: Or who killed them.
Tony: Or how they ended up on the boat.
Abby: Sure, you guys should work on that! While I figure out how he got it out of the basement!
Tony: [on the phone] I can't hear you, McGee. I'm in the basement.
McGee: Why?
Tony: Because I don't want to talk about the case in front of Leila and the kid.
Abby: Listen, Tony, this is really important. I need you to check the seams of the walls.
Tony: The walls?
Abby: Well do they appear to be removable?
Tony: Huh.
McGee: Abby.
Abby: Or a tunnel, maybe?! It could be hidden under something on the floor. Something that looks like it doesn't belong.
Tony: Actually, I think Colonel Hogan has got a radio in the coffee pot, but the tunnel might have been filled in.
Episode 7.7 "Endgame"
McGee: [knocks] Ms. DeMarco, NCIS. We need to speak with you.
Tony: Ms. DeMarco, open up. We want to talk to you. [sounds of a shotgun being pumped cause Tony and McGee take cover, then a shot is fired through the door] Federal agents! Drop it!
DeMarco: Did that piece of filth Serro send you?! Because I've got a message for him! You can tell him -- [peeks out the door] -- did you say federal agents?
Tony: Yes, federal agents!
McGee: Serro's dead! Put the weapon down!
DeMarco: Okay. [puts gun on the ground]
Tony: Hands in the air!
DeMarco: Okay. Sorry.
Tony: Who do you think you are, Sarah Palin?!

Ziva: [Tony has just walked into the Ladies' Room and they have been talking about Pak Sui Ji and Agent Dunham] Oh come on; stop being such a big brother.

McGee: Lee Wuan Kai: North Korean assassin, one time fanatical nationalist, credited with 27 targeted hits in seven countries, dozens more by association --
Tony: She likes quiet walks on the beach, laughing with friends and playing Frisbee with her Cocker Spaniel Rufus.
Ziva: [snatches the paper away] It does not say that.
Tony: Well it might as well. Look at those come hither eyes, those perfect kiss me now lips. No wonder Vance is obsessed. Kai's killing me and I'm just looking at her. You and Kai are probably a lot more alike than you think.
Ziva: I do not follow.
Tony: Really? A couple of pretty ladies, both trained assassins.
Ziva: You annoy me sometimes.
Tony: Sometimes?
Ziva: Most of the time!

"Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, the path we follow is always of our own choosing, we should never allow our fears, or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny cannot be changed but it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one."--Timothy McGee
Tony: Maybe Little Timmy is late for the short bus.
Episode 7.8 "Power Down"
McGee: Do you see this? Nine hours, 21 minutes! [shoves his watch in Ziva's face]
Ziva: Has it been that long? [takes the watch away and breaks it]
McGee: Why did you do that??
Ziva: Because it was either you or the watch!
McGee: It's just, what's taking so long, you know?
Ziva: Look, I'm sure we're not the only ones that need to be rescued. Plus, things could be a lot worse.
McGee: Yeah, how's that?
Ziva: We could be stuck here with Tony.
Tony: [from outside the elevator] I heard that! I find it very interesting that the two of you left together late last night!
Ziva: Just ignore him. He's like an annoying bug. Eventually he'll just go away.
McGee: Ziva, it's been five years. Trust me, he's not going anywhere.
Gibbs: What've you got?
Abby: A better question is what have you not got Abbs, and the better answer would be a Caf-Pow! I'm trying to make my own here, but I'm missing like 400 ingredients.
Gibbs: Are you all right?
Abby: No, I'm not okay! I'm not going to be okay until the power comes back on and I can run diagnostics on one of my babies. These aren't like light bulbs, Gibbs. You can't turn them on and off, and they're complex pieces of machinery that requires precise shutdown sequences. I don't understand! I mean, why does autopsy get backup power and I don't? I mean, MTAC, I get that, but what does Ducky have that I don't have?
Gibbs: Corpses.
Abby: I'll get some corpses!
Gibbs: Book him, Dan-nozzo
Tony: Nice reference to Hawaii Five-O, boss
Tony: Is it possible for your feet to die while attached to your body?
McGee: Her husband's name is Anthony...
Tony: Yes, nice name.

Abby: [Holds shot glass out to Gibbs] What does this smell like?
Gibbs: Whiskey.
Abby: Good. [Takes shot]

McGee: It's just like a tardis.
Tony: A tard what?
McGee: A tardis, the machine that Dr. Who uses to time travel with...

Tony: Sorry, the whole city's been de-duracelled
Episode 7.9 "Child's Play"
Tony (to Tim) : You have been looking increasingly Kate Mossish there McTim . What are you down, 2-3 lbs?

Tony (to Tim) : That's what I do for a living... eagle-eyed special agent.
Ziva (to Tony) : Are you letting some blonde bombshell baste your bird?
Ducky (in the corn field): Ah fresh corn! That gives me an idea. Why don't we have corn chowder as the first course?
Tony : Poker.
McGee : Sister.
Ziva : Neighbors.
Gibbs : Later.

Abby (to Gibbs) : What can I do for you, Gibblet ?

Gibbs: Ziva, get on Tony's shoulders
Ziva: Tony, bend over.
Episode 7.10 "Faith"
McGee: It's freezing this morning.
Tony: Man up, chilly willy. Feel that warm blood coursing through your veins. Get in touch with your inner McGrizzly Adams.
McGee: Well I've got hand warmers.
Tony: Give me one.
McGee: No.
Ziva: I'm not cold at all.
Tony: The coldblooded David, like a lady Komodo dragon; ice queen, frigid and deadly.
Ziva: And I remembered to wear my thermal underwear.
Tony: I'll give you fifty bucks for it right now.
Ziva: It wouldn't fit. You're too big.
Tony: [desperately] It'll stretch. Turn 'em over.

Tony: Fruit of the month might be good. Maybe a foot massager.
McGee: Tony, I never pegged you as a catalog shopper.
Tony: Well, that's because I'm not, tiny Tim, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I took these from my neighbor's doorstep.
Ziva: You stole them?
Tony: The doorstep is considered a common area. I would never steal mail, that's a federal offense. Oh! Hold the phone Malone! A little bit of lingerie! Nice! What do you get for the shrew who has everything?
Ziva: Is this for the secret Santa?
Tony: How did I end up with Dolores Brahmstead from Human Resources? She's a miserable grinch of a woman.
McGee: I can't argue with you there. I once wished her a happy Valentine's Day and she claimed sexual harassment.
Tony: Have you ever seen her smile?
McGee: No.
Ziva: Stop it both of you! She is a single, middle aged, lonely woman. Have some compassion!
Tony: It must be tough, living up there on Mount Crumpet. Plotting to take Christmas away from poor Cindy Loo Who.

Tony: Nobody touch my catalogs.

Ziva: So this is where a red throat would hang out after being overseas for months.
Tony: It's not red throat, it's redneck.
Ziva: Oh.
Tony: And I think we've found the entire cast of Hee Haw.
Ziva: Over there. That's him.
Tony: With his brother Daryl and his other brother Daryl?

Gibbs: Hey Dad, stop making my team fat.

Ziva: (out of breath) Red throats.
Tony: Red necks.

Gibbs: Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas.

Tony: How many languages do you speak?
Ziva: Including the language of love, ten.

Abby: Like you said, whoever did this had speed, strength, and agility.
Tony: I have many of those qualities myself.
Ziva: Ha!
Tony: Where is your spirit, probette?
Ziva: Bah humbog!
Tony: Bah-what?

Tibbs: Who the hell are you?
Tony: NCIS, Special Agent Antony DiNozzo, this is my probationary sidekick, Agent Ziva David.
Tibbs: What's the problem?
Ziva: Thomas Ellis, he's dead.
Tibbs: Allah didn't save his ass, huh? Guess he should have gone back to Iraq, where he belongs.
Tony: Where were you at dawn this morning?
Tibbs: Why? Do I need an alibi?
Tony: Couldn't hurt.
Tibbs: I was in a hunting blind, with these two.
Ziva: Can you prove it?
Tibbs: Got a 6-point buck in the back of my pickup. How's that for proof? (to Ziva) But I bet a pretty little thing like you never killed nothing before, have you?
Ziva: (smirks) haha, never tell.
Tony: Oh boy. Uh, you gonna have to come down to NCIS with us, come on.
Tibbs: I got a better idea, how about this one (Ziva) comes back to my place, and decorates my tree.
Tony: Oh no!
Ziva: Happy Hannukah, now let's go. (grabs Tibbs hand and twists it)
Tony: Ziva, no! (to the men in the bar, going to fight) Easy, easy, heal!

Tony: Someone broke my cover.
McGee: (quietly) oh.
Tony: She knows....I'm her Secret Santa...McGee, you wouldn't do that.
McGee: Ho, ho, ho!
(McGee and Ziva high five each other)
Tony: She wants me to meet her at 6 o'clock on Christmas Eve...
Ziva: To exchange gifts?
Tony: Wrap me in a cocoon of ivy and suck the Christmas Joy out of me.
Ziva: Okay, I'm going to say this again. She's probably someone who just lacks social skills, so be nice. Get her something special. Kill her with kindness.
Tony: Or with a stake of holly through the heart. (Ziva's phone rings) What should I get her?

Abby: (pulls out a tray of gingerbread cookies that look like her) Go ahead, taste one.
Ziva: (laughs) No, I'm sorry Abby, I could never eat you.

Gibbs: (to Tony) Go ahead, take one, Bubble Butt.




Episode 7.11 "Ignition"
Ziva: Slow drivers.
Tony: Bad drivers.
Ziva: What is so hard? You go as fast as possible, when something gets in your way, you turn.
Tony: You're quoting Better Off Dead. I told you to watch that.

McGee: The August 1928 issue of Amazing Stories first stirred the national imagination. It featured the Skylark of Space on the cover, and then you've got Buck Rogers.
Abby: What's really amazing is how much more fascinating jet-pack trivia gets the eleventh time you've heard it.

McGee:
It has a range of at least a kilometer.
Tony: I don't speak Canadian. How far is that?

Ziva
: Maybe it's you.
Tony: Maybe it is you.

Episode 7.12 "Flesh and Blood"
Tony: For the last time, my name is Anthony DiNozzo Jr. My father is Anthony Dinozzo Sr. (Ziva gives him odd look as she walks in) I live in Washington DC, he lives in New York City. Is that so complicated? Junior, Senior. Can you follow that?
Ziva: What is going on?
McGee: Tony is trying to withdraw money from a bank in New York. Sounds like they confused one of his accounts with his father's and he can't get the money. (Ziva smirks)
Tony: Let me get this straight, you want me to spell my name again? Okay. Big D as in dimwit, little I as in idiot, big N as in nimrod, little O as in obtuse.
Ziva: What does he need the money for?
Tony (shouting while Ziva talks) double Z as in ZZ Top or maybe..)

McGee: Well, he and a couple of his frat buddies decided to take a cruise this spring.
Tony: (over phone) No, I'm not kidding
McGee: I'm sure that won't lead to any trouble, clean wholesome fun.
Tony: (still on phone) Get me your supervisor.
Ziva: Why doesn't he call his father to just straighten this whole thing out?
Tony: Yes I'll hold (to Ziva) Mind your own business.
Ziva: Oo! Grouchy.
McGee: Left a message for his father two days ago, Tony hasn't heard back from him.
Tony: (on phone) Oh you would like for me to spell my name again? Are you guys in India?
Gibbs: (walking in) DiNozzo, get off the phone.

Tony: I've heard the saying "he got blown out of his shoes", but I never thought I'd see it.
Ducky: Now if the explosion had knocked his socks off, that would be impressive, wouldn't it?

(Gibbs, McGee, and Ziva are listening, across the room, to the brothers fighting)

Ziva: They do not know I speak Arabic (Gibbs smirks) (Prince Abdullah says something in Arabic to Saiv)
Ziva: Saiv is getting chewed out for his western ways. His brother believes his pleasure seeking lifestyle brought on the attack. (Saiv says something)
Ziva: That is too disgusting to translate.

Abby: [watching Anthony DiNozzo, Sr. through the one-way glass of the interrogation room] Maybe Tony didn't have a mother. Maybe he was cloned!
Ducky: There certainly is a strong familial resemblance.

Ziva: Okay, so how many amendments to the Constitution?
Gibbs: The Bill of Rights is the first ten, prohibition is eighteen. I'm guessing twenty-three.
Ziva: Twenty-seven!
Gibbs: Nobody likes a smartass, David.
Ziva: Why do I have to study all this and you don't?!
Gibbs: I was born here!

Tony: I have to break one of your rules, boss. Number six: never say you're sorry. I let things get out of control in the hotel room.
Gibbs: Ah, it's covered. Rule eighteen.
Tony: Oh, yeah. It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission. Am I forgiven?
Gibbs: No. You've been distracted by your father.
Tony: It's that obvious?

Gibbs: Tony hides behind the face of a clown, but he's the best young agent I've ever worked with.

(Gibbs is cooking steaks on the grate over his fireplace.Tony walks in carrying beer)
Tony: Hey, steak, cowboy style, I love it.
(They sit down on the couch)
Gibbs: Father leave?
Tony: Yeah, should be in New York by now.
(They flip out identical knives and start cutting into the steak)
Gibbs: So, how'd it go?
Tony: He skated again. Guys' amazing.
Gibbs: So, what happened?
Tony: Ah, his buddy Omar picked up the tab, bought him an airline ticket to Monte Carlo.
Gibbs: Where'd you get the money, Tony?
Tony: (laughing) What?
(Gibbs just looks at him)
Tony: (muttering the first line) How do you do it? Well, I didn't really need to go on a cruise with my faternity brothers, did I? Getting a little old for that stuff.
Gibbs: Well, you conned the con man. Runs in the family. (Pauses, looking at Tony) Why'd ya do it?
Tony: He's my father. He is who he is. I couldn't bust him. Sometimes it's better to keep what you know to yourself.
(They toast their beers)
Gibbs: Amen.


(Gibbs and DiNozzo Sr. enter a conference room)
DiNozzo Sr: This doesn't look like an armory to me.
Gibbs: Sit
DiNozzo Sr: When you offered to take me on a tour I suspected you had an ulterior motive. What's on your mind?
Gibbs: Your son.
DiNozzo Sr: What has Junior done now?
Gibbs: Tony likes to hide behind the face of a clown. But he's the best young agent I've ever worked with.
DiNozzo Sr: Well, I'm glad to hear that.
Gibbs: When was the last time you talked to him? I mean, really talked to him.
DiNozzo Sr: We keep in touch.
Gibbs: Four years ago your son came very close to dying from pneumonic plague and I expected to see you. You didn't show then, why're ya hear now?
DiNozzo Sr: He never told me he was sick.
Gibbs: Oh, so you don't keep in touch?
DiNozzo Sr: What's your point?
Gibbs: Tony inherited his personality from you. And I get the feeling there's a lot about your life you don't share.
DiNozzo Sr: I should tell you to pisss off. But I do know that Junior thinks the world of you, so I'll keep this civil. You have children, Gibbs?
Gibbs:.............. Had................. A daughter..........But unfortunately I didn't get the chance to know her as an adult. You have that opportunity to get to know Tony. Do it.
DiNozzo Sr: Are we finished? (gets up and leaves)


Tony: McCallen eighteen, three fingers, one ice cube.
DiNozzo Sr: You remembered.
Tony: Well, what would cocktail hour be without a single Malt Scotch and a lecture from Senior?
DiNozzo Sr: And now you're going to lecture me. What're you drinking?
Tony: Non-alcoholic beer.
DiNozzo Sr: The downside to law enforcement. Are there any upsides?
Tony: Well, I get to carry a gun.......You were always disappointed I became a cop.
DiNozzo Sr: No.
Tony: Felt that way to me.
DiNozzo Sr: I was always supportive. I never said anything.
Tony: Exactly.
DiNozzo Sr: What did you want me to say?
Tony: Well, I don't know, maybe like uh, "Hey Junior, I'm glad you found a carreer you're passionate about. I'm proud of you and what you're doin," Somethin' like that.
DiNozzo Sr: How do you know I don't feel that way?
Tony: How would I, we never talked!......I mean, I get it.It must have been tough. Your wife dies and you're left with an eight-year-old kid. But your solution Dad, was to warehouse me in boarding schools and summer camps and half the time I never knew where you were or what you were doing. I needed a closer relationship.
DiNozzo Sr: You forget, we took some great vacations together.
Tony: Like the trip to Maui where you left in the hotel room for two days, and I was twelve years old?
DiNozzo Sr: Ah come'on, Junior, I explained that to you. I had to go back to the mainland to close a deal.
Tony: With a rich divorcee who was very attractive if I recall.
DiNozzo Sr: A deal is deal.
Tony: How's my current stepmother?
DiNozzo Sr: Ex-stepmother.
Tony: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, I actually liked Karen.
DiNozzo Sr: Phoebe. You missed one.
Tony: Were you going to tell me about it?
DiNozzo Sr: I don't like to advertise my affairs.
Tony: Well, my condolences, my congratulations, and my condolences.
Episode 7.13 "Jetlag"
Tony: I just sort of feel like you can use negative space to push the image, you know? It's sort of like a geometrical thing with the light coming across. I was trying to use these geometric lines and spacing. Sometimes I think maybe I should have done something more creative with my life.
Nora Williams: No, I think you're in the right profession.
Tony: All right, Annie Leibowitz, what's wrong with my pictures?
Nora: Well, they're sort of soulless. Analytical. They look like postcards or --
Ziva: Crime scene photos.

Ziva: A team of Homeland Security officers will be waiting for us when we land. Outside the terminal an NCIS detail will take over.
Marshall Neeley: Not taking any chances in case your new hitman tries something on the ground, huh?
Ziva: Which is why we must consider the possibility they may try something on the plane, where Nora is more vulnerable.
Neeley: You have reason to believe they're on board?
Ziva: Stationary target. Closed quarters.
Neeley: A modern day Orient Express.
Ziva: The killer would just need an inconspicuous weapon.
Neeley: Like what? Listen, I've been doing this for a long while and I doubt that there's anything --
Ziva: Headphone cables make for a perfect garrote, and plastic silverware is not as safe as you might think. I once killed a man using a credit card.

Nora: You are so direct. So honest. So different from him.
Ziva: Tony and I have different approaches.
Nora: You're complimentary. You're sure you two never --
Ziva: No. Positive. Definitely no. Why do you keep on asking about Tony and I?
Nora: You're like me and Daniel. A good fit. Besides, Paris is a romantic city and you two shared a room, so I --
Ziva: I took the couch. Otherwise Tony would have whined the entire flight about his back. [smiles]

McGee: Hey, in Paris, who got stuck with the couch?
Tony: Me. We flipped a coin.
McGee: Tough break. (leaves)
Ziva: Why did you just lie to McGee?
Tony: Why did you lie to Nora?

Tony:
Nora was right. I found my favorite picture, and it's the only one with someone in it. (Hands Ziva the photograph.)
Ziva: (Looks at photograph and chuckles, almost blushing.)
Tony: It's very French New Wave, don't you think?
Ziva: Maybe. (Hands back photograph. Exchange glance.) (Camera pans, showing photograph is a beautiful picture of Ziva standing on a Paris street, looking through postcards.) I think it would look better in black and white. (Phoof turns photograph black and white.)

Ziva: Rule number 12 says you should never date a co-worker.
Tony: My understanding, cannot be done.
Ziva: Should not be done.

Ziva: Psst, (winks)
Tony: Honey, (takes Ziva's hand, taking what she is holding)
Ziva: (whispers) Call Abby and ask her to run any outgoing or incoming calls.
Tony: On it, bossy. (Ziva moves her hand, revealing phone)
(Nora smiles and hums)

Tony: What?
Nora: You guys say you don't get along, but you make a great team.
Ziva: It is not always so smooth. Believe me.
Tony: She's usually much snarkier. I think Paris changed her. (glances at Ziva)

Mcgee: (after Gibbs gets hit by a car) Did you hit your shoulder?
Gibbs: Nooo, the car did, McGee.

Episode 7.14 "Masquerade"
Tony: First the plague, now radiation poisoning. I'm starting to think someone really has it in for me.
McGee: I was there, too, near the car, you know.
Ziva: We all were.
McGee: But don't let that stop you from thinking about yourself.
Tony: This isn't about me! It's about my little DiNozzo makers! They've been nuked!
McGee: I know!
Tony: Do you?! I mean, sure, Tim, you're kids are going to be smart, [Ziva rolls her eyes and walks away] but mine have a shot at being really beautiful.

Ziva: What is that?
Tony: It's a Geiger counter. You can't be too careful.
Ziva: What do you think Corporal Vega was doing at an empty warehouse?
Tony: I don't know. Why don't you pick the lock and find out?
Ziva: We do not have a warrant.
Tony: This building is foreclosed, which means it's owned by the bank, and since the people own the banks I think technically we own the building.
Ziva: Wow.


Episode 7.15 "Jack Knife"
Gibbs: Get Ziva and DiNozzo out of bed.
McGee
: What?!
Gibbs
: Wake 'em up.
McGee: Oh. Oh, right. Get them out of bed because it's the middle of the night and they're asleep.
Gibbs
: [looks at McGee like he's gone mad] Yes.
McGee
: Individual beds. Get them out of individual beds. I was confused. I thought we were talking --
Gibbs: Need some sleep yourself, do you, McGee?


Ducky:
East, west, the saving of a life is a powerful bond. As evidenced by the two of you.
Fornell: Is that why we are friends?
Gibbs: More like shared misery.
Fornell: God knows you've got enough to go around.
Gibbs: He! I'm a happy guy.
Fornell: Since when?
Gibbs: You don't know what I've been doing, I haven't seen you in months.
Fornell: And whose fault is that? You only call when you need something.
Gibbs: Well, apparently when I need grief.

McGee (after waking up, with Tony and Ziva staring at him): I'm awake.
Ziva: We didn't say anything.
McGee: But you did something, didn't you? What did you do? Did you try to put my hand in this water?
Tony: That's a little juvenile.
McGee: You drew something on my face, didn't you? You drew on my face.
Tony: No. I suggested stripping you naked, putting a tag in your too and dragging you down to Autopsy, so when you woke up you'd think you were dead, but Ziva thought it was in poor taste.
McGee: Well, thank you, Ziva.

Tony: I did not agree. I think there are a lot of people who would like to see you naked.

Fornell: What have you got?
Tony: We've got nothing.
Fornell: I don't like the sound of that.
Tony: O. We've got nothing!

McGee: Abby, I owe Gibbs.
Abby: For saving your life? That's part of his job.
McGee: He pushed me out of the way of a speeding car.
Abby: Pushing people is really rude, McGee.

Abby: Is there anything else you need, Gibbs?
Gibbs: If there is, McGee will do it.

Tony: That guy broke my nose!
McGee: And he dislocated my schoulder, okay?

Tony: Well, you have another shoulder. I only have one nose and it's on my face. I mean, it's on my face, McGee!

Fornell: This really is a big deal for you, isn't it? Letting me drive your car?
Gibbs: Yeah, whatever, you already slept with my wife.

(McGee is tapping his fingers on the dasboard)
Tony: He! Will you stop tapping your fingers?
McGee: I'm not just tapping my fingers, I'm watching his taillights. It's morsecode. FU...E...L! Fuel! Tony, the're stopping for fuel!!
Tony: Yeah, you're done with the coffee.

(Fornell is driving Gibbs' car to the fuel station)
Gibbs: He! Slow down!
Fornell: Relax, I know what I'm doing. Don't you believe me?
Gibbs: No! No, I don't believe you, you drive like a maniac!
Fornell: My impression of you.
Gibbs: Use a 91, moron.
(...)
Gibbs: I'm getting a Slim Jim.
Fornell: I don't want a Slim Jim!
Gibbs: I wasn't asking ya!




Episode 7.16 "Mother's Day"
Ziva: My citizenship test is coming up, and I wish to pass with swimming colors.
McGee
: Flying colors.
Ziva
: Any colors will do, McGee

Tony
: All right, McNosy, what do you got?
McGee
: From what I can gather, Gibbs and JoAnn Fielding are very estranged.
Ziva
: The woman lost her daughter and granddaughter. Now her fiancé died in her arms and her former son-in-law is investigating! Show some sympathy!
Tony
: Maybe she's cursed! Like a Kennedy!
McGee
: Minus the grassy knoll.
Ziva: I heard about that! The shooter was really in the book suppository!
Tony
: Depository.
Ziva: That's what I said.

Gibbs
: Ooh. It smells like a French whorehouse in here.
Palmer
: [referring to his new cologne] That's me.
Gibbs: What are you trying to do, Palmer? Raise the dead?
Abby
: If Major Mass Spec were a guy, I would totally marry him and bear his little Mini Mass children.

Tony
: You want to learn about being a real man, McGee, you've got to study the Japanese samurai. These guys are like Gibbs, with even bigger stones and less to say.
McGee
: Is that even possible?

Tony: Aren't you hot?
Ziva: [smirks] I've been told that before.
Tony
: I'm talking about temperature!
Ziva: Stop complaining. This is what winter feels like in Israel.
Tony
: Well, we're not in Israel. We're in the good, old U.S. of A, my little immigrant friend, where we like to embrace central air, not melanoma.


Episode 7.17 "Double Identity"
Ziva: Hey, any of you notice something different about Ducky?
McGee
: Yeah, he has seemed awfully chipper as of late.
Tony
: Ducky does seem plucky. No one loves rain in D.C
Ziva: No, his ties! He's been wearing tie ties, not his bow ties.
Tony
: Wow. That's very observant.

Tony
: You ever been married, doc?
Dr. Talridge
: Twice, but never at the same time.

McGee: I built an application for my phone.
Tony
: Why is that important to what we're doing here?
McGee
: With a vehicle's VIN number, you can access all the vehicle's pertinent information, including key and remote codes. Hack into a database, download all the codes, and there it is.
Tony
: Wow. I'm glad that MIT education paid off for something, McGeek.
McGee
: It is pretty super, isn't it?
Tony
: I don't believe you.
McGee: Yeah, I'm not going to unlock the door for you, Tony.
Tony
: Well, I don't think you could unlock the door, because if you could you'd prove it to me by doing it.
McGee
: Uh, no --
Tony
: [snatches phone and unlocks door] You should patent that.


Episode 7.18 "Jurisdiction"
Ziva: I found candy leftover from Valentine's day.
Tony
: Candy from who?
Ziva
: Why does it matter?
Tony
: It matters because you didn't eat it and so that person must not mean very much to you. It means something!
Ziva
: It means nothing.
Tony
: Well I'm glad I wasn't your valentine.
Ziva: So am I!

Gibbs
: I wanted to see how Jensen lived.
Tony
: It says a lot about a man. Take your house for instance: clean, no nonsense, stoic.
Gibbs
: Stoic? My house is stoic?
Tony
: Understated, then?
Gibbs: I planted some roses last weekend. Red ones. Are red roses stoic?
Tony
: Well, they're prickly and thorny.

Ziva: What is CGIS?
McGee
: Coast Guard Investigative Service.
Ziva
: The Coast Guard has an investigative branch?
McGee
: Well, they're smaller than us, but with a wider law enforcement reach.
Ziva: But it is the Coast Guard!
Tony
: Whoa, whoa. No need to get uppity. Yes, Virginia, there is a CGIS.
McGee
: Now they may not have our track record, or our je nai se quoi, but they are our legitimate sibling.
Tony
: Like Corky in Life Goes On.

Ziva
: These are ocean charts. [points] This is where the Delilah was abandoned.
Tony
: Calafuego. Treasure hunters.
Ziva
: Is that was this is all about? Treasure?
Tony
: Pirate treasure.
Ziva
: Well this looks like David Jones' Locker.
Tony
: Davy Jones'. He used to sing with The Monkees.
Ziva
: Real monkeys?
Tony
: I envy your brain sometimes.

Tony: Are you ready for the adventure of a lifetime?
Ziva
: It is just a movie, Tony.
Tony
: How dare you? [puts down popcorn and hands Ziva a drink] Is Mickey just a mouse? Ringling Brothers just a circus?
Ziva
: Yes.
Tony
: [chuckles] Well, you see, that's why you don't have any friends.
Ziva
: I do have friends!
Tony
: Really? Then what are you doing with me, watching a movie on a Friday night at work? Huh?
Ziva
: You are my friend.
Tony
: Really?
Ziva
: No. My date canceled.
Tony
: Mine, too. [They smile and begin to watch The Black Pirate]

Abby : Unbelievable, I don't know how they can get away with this.
Gibbs: Who's they?
Abby: You know the ubiquitous them.
Gibbs: You found something in Jenson's blood .
Abby: Huh, no that's not Jenson's blood. That's a spectographic analysis of Caf-Pow or so they would like you to think they changed the formula Gibbs and not to improve the flavor but to save money. I mean no wonder I've been a total freak this morning, it's like New Coke all over again. I'm going to start a letter writing campaign you want to help me.
Gibbs: Abby!


Episode 7.19 "Guilty Pleasure"
McGee: Well, if it isn't TCad.
Tony: What?
McGee: TCad. It's what I'm calling you guys now, you know the cute couples contraction. TomKat, Bennifer, Brangelina?
Tony: Yah. We got it, McBitter.
(McGee flicks flashlight across Tony and McCadden)
McGee: You two are wearing the same suit, even.
(Tony and McCadden look each other up and down, apparently noticing for the first time)
McGee: Nice.

Ziva: You know what, you two? I have actually heard of this. You two are having a seven-year *****.
Tony: Itch. And yes we are.
Ziva: You two are like a married couple.
Gibbs (arriving): Ah, no they're not, they're still speaking. Let's go.

McGee: Hey, why'd the dead guy cross the road? To get home.
Tony: Yeah? You were funnier when you were fatter.

Ziva (about McCadden): Did you dump him, Tony? Has your manmance come to an end?
Tony: I never had a manmance.
Ziva: You had a fling.
(Tony laughs)
Tony: Guys don't have flings. We hang out.
Ziva: Things were hanging out? That is disgusting.

Boy (to cheerleaders): Get off Facebook and dial!


Episode 7.20 "Moonlighting"
Tony: McGee would know. Head shots are his specialty.
Ducky
: What?
Palmer: He's referring to a videogame he's been playing way too much.
Ducky
: Ah.
Tony
: What's this surprising bit of editorializing coming from the once and future king of dorkland?
Palmer
: Hey, I now have a girlfriend.
Tony
: The king is dead. [gripping McGee's shoulder] Long live the king.

Palmer
: It wasn't sand sand, like good sand. It was bad sand. Very bad sand. It made me break out in red welts.
Ducky: It wasn't the sand, Mr. Palmer, but the sand mite.
Palmer
: The sand might what?
Ducky
: The sand mite bit you.
Palmer
: Sand bites?
Ducky
: Well, sand mites might bite.
Palmer
: I'm grammatically lost.
Ducky
: But medically found. The tiny crustacean known as the mite. M-i-t-e.

Fornell
: Thanks for doing it my way.
Gibbs
: Yeah, don't mention it.
Fornell: I was being facetious.
Gibbs
: Yeah, me too.

Agent Grady: You have to catch them! Now! Like, right now.
Tony
: We're working on it.
Ziva
: We have hit a shamu.
Grady
: Does she mean snafu?
Tony
: Roll with it.

Tony
: [sees Palmer without his shirt on and his allergically reactive henna tattoo] Dear God. Someone fed him after midnight.
Ziva
: Jimmy, what happened to you?
Palmer
: It turns out I am really allergic to henna. I can't reach back there, so do you think you guys could --
Tony
: I'm late for a squash game!
Ziva
: I'm sorry, I've got to get the hell out of here.
Palmer
: Please, guys! It really itches![Tony and Ziva make a run for the elevator]
Tony
: That's what girlfriends are for!
Palmer
: I can get the top part!
Tony
: Stay, stay, stay!
Ziva
: No, no, no! Please, do not -- that can be very contagious! I may have to hurt you massively.
Tony
: She'll do it. She'll do it!
Ziva:
(as Palmer gets closer) I may have to hurt you!
Palmer: I would do it for you!
Ziva
: No, you wouldn't![Elevator doors closes]

Abby: Wouldn't Susan know, I mean she was there right? Are you guys sure that we can trust her 'cause I am not!
Ducky: And why, might I ask, is that?
Tony: Oh come on Ducky! Everbody knows Susan has taken a little shine to McGee.
Ziva: (elbows Tony in the ribs)
Abby: That has nothing to do with it! (looks awkward and depressed) I mean McGee he's a capable investigator but when it comes to matters of the heart he can be a bit naive.
Ziva: (cautiously) Are you talking from personal experience?
Abby: (practically snarls) Thats classified! I mean just look at his last girlfriend, she tried to kill him!
Tony: Oh I get it, you are trying to cover McGee (contorts himself into something that looks like an arching gorilla) like a protective hand.
Ducky: (mutters) Or an over-protective panther.
Abby: (gets fed-up) OK if Susan can't tell you who lucky number 11 is I, can just make sure she stays out of my hair!


Episode 7.21 "Obsession"
Ziva: So, what exactly are you looking for in Miss Right?
Tony
: [laughs] Well, aside from the obvious physical requirements, I don't know. I guess she'd be a very independent woman, intelligent, successful, professional.
Ziva: Okay, just one question: what would this woman, possibly, see in you?[They smile and walk away from each other]

Gibbs
: You okay?
Tony
: Not really. I broke rule number ten. Again. Never get personally involved in a case.
Gibbs: Yeah. That's the rule I've always had the most trouble with.

Episode 7.22 "Borderland"
Tony: I bet Abby could last longer than ten seconds playing random chat.
Ziva
: You are obsessed.
Tony
: You wouldn't understand.
Ziva
: Why is that?
Tony
: Because, being irritating is second nature to you. Me, I'm charming.
Ziva
: [scoffs]

Abby: Hi, Gibbs.
Gibbs
: Hey, Abs.
Abby
: Can I come in?
Gibbs
: Yeah. You already are in.
Abby
: Oh, right. Okay. It was nice talking to you.
Gibbs
: Abs. Why are you here?
Abby
: You know why I'm here. I matched the bullet in Pedro Martinez's head to your sniper rifle. You killed him. In cold blood. I mean, I know what he did, Gibbs. He killed your wife and your daughter, but Gibbs.
Gibbs: I know.
Abby
: Gibbs doesn't do things like that, or does he? Now I don't know. I don't know anything. The only thing that I do know is that I didn't find this out by accident.
Gibbs
: Rule forty.
Abby: If it seems like someone is out to get you, they are. You have no idea how much I wish it was yesterday. Maybe if I could just close my eyes and open them again it will be. [crosses her fingers and closes her eyes, only to open them in dismay] Do you realize the situation that I'm in now?
Gibbs: Yeah, I know.
Abby: Do you understand the choice that I have to make now?
Gibbs
: I know.
Abby
: Stop saying I know!
Gibbs: What do you want me to say?
Abby
: Tell me I'm wrong! Tell me that I made a mistake with the ballistics or --
Gibbs
: No. No, I can't say that.
Abby: Then tell me how much I've been like a daughter to you, and how much you love me.
Gibbs
: Will that help?
Abby: No. What I really need to know, Gibbs, is if you're going to love me no matter what.

Abby: (about mini-Pow) What the biohazerdous material is this?

Tony: I've already earned my pay today.
Ziva: Really? What did you find?
Tony: Haha! No way. I tell you. You tell Gibbs, I got nothing.
Ziva: Look I'm not going to steal your discovery. Okay? I've have my own.
Tony: Really? What do you got?
Ziva: No way! If I tell you, you tell Gibbs.
Gibbs: Gibbs is going to find out anyway. Come on, let's see it.
...
Gibbs: (to Tony) Circumstantial, Alice.
Tony: Well, circumstantial, yeah, right, but who's gonna have a picture of the guy driving a footmob - (clears her throat) - ile.You have a picture of the guy driving the footmobile
Ziva: Making an illegal right turn on red. I also had a hunch.
...
Gibbs: That's nice work (ziva smiles) both of you (Ziva frowns, Tony smirks)




Episode 7.23 "Patriot Down"



Episode 7.24 "Rule Fifty One"




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