NCIS Quotes Season 6This is a featured page

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NCIS Quotes Season 6 - NCIS

Episode 6.01 "Last Man Standing"
Langer: Four months I’ve been sitting here fielding calls for DiNozzo, and I swear, they’re all women.
Lee: And that surprises you?

Lee: Morning Sir.
Langer: Morning Sir.
Keating: Morning Sir.
Gibbs: So glad we all agree on something.

Gibbs: What have I told you about calling me sir?

Langer: It'll get better.
Lee: Yeah, when he retires.

Ducky: Tell Agent Gibbs he can send in the B team.
Gibbs: That implies there's an A Team, Duck.
Ducky: Isn't there?
Gibbs: They're all A Teams.
Ducky: Perhaps some even A+

Abby (after Gibbs appears behind her): Why didn’t I hear the elevator?
Gibbs: The stairs.
Abby: You are taking the stairs because you associate the elevator with people you’re trying to forget.
Gibbs: Abby, I'm not trying to forget anybody.

Gibbs: Anything else?
Abby: A Number (holds up post-it).
Gibbs: One Two Six?
Abby:One hundred and twenty six. That is the number of days that Tony, McGee, and Ziva have been gone. I really didn't think you'd let it get into triple digits, Gibbs. But now it's way more. It's like a third of a whole year. I miss them.
Gibbs: Abby, you had lunch with McGee yesterday.
Abby: It's not the same. I miss them collectively. As a group. My three musketeers.

Abby (To Gibbs): You have ten days. Okay, I don’t want to pressure you, so twelve, but no more than two weeks…and stop taking the stairs! (Elevator dings, Abby smiles)

Tech guy: Still working on it Boss.
Gibbs (from behind): Boss?
McGee (turns around surprised): Boss!!!

Gibbs: We miss you Ziva.
Ziva: I miss you too, all of you, even Tony.

Leon: Whoever was blackmailing Vargo was an NCIS agent.
Gibbs (sternly): Not one of my mine.

Leon: Langer- made the jump to NCIS 8 months ago from the FBI.
Gibbs: He got no special treatment.
Leon: But you did recommend him.
Gibbs: He called me.
Leon: You endorsed him.

Gibbs: A doubt? I've got a doubt about everyone of them. I've got a former FBI guy who doesn't listen, a boy genius who doesn't drive. I have a lawyer who doesn't shoot!

Gibbs: So what, four months, you've got nothing.
Vance: We've got nothing.

McGee: Boss, I’m sorry! He made it very clear to me that I couldn't talk to anyone except for him.
Gibbs: Wouldn’t have stopped you in the past.
McGee: Well, it s not the same; we were a team. I would give this up in a heartbeat to be working with you and Ziva again.
Gibbs: And DiNozzo?
McGee: Yeah, him too.

McGee: Got something here Boss.
Gibbs (sarcastically): Want to call Vance?

Tony: McGoo. It's true. TV really does add 10 pounds. You been hitting the jelly doughnuts again? How do I look?

McGee: First the USS Ronald Reagan and now the Seahawk. How's life afloat?
Tony: (puts on a piratical Oirish voice) Ah, life in the ocean blue, me hearties. If the scurvy don't get you, the pox will. And tell me this, me little McShipmate, how is that scurrilous black-hearted pirate king of ours, Captain One-shot Gibbs?
Gibbs: I'm just fine, DiNozzo.
(Tony Gibbs slaps himself)
Tony: There ya go boss.

Gibbs: Got work to do.
Tony: I'm on it boss. What am I on, McGee?

McGee: Are you alone?
Tony: (incredulous, with a background shot of a busy radio-shore coms room with lots of sailors phoning home) Oh yeah. Just me and 5000 of my closest friends. I AM NEVER ALONE! (He leans forward and whispers) I really need to come home, boss.
Gibbs: Workin' on it.

Tony: (Laughs and says LOUDLY) Dad! Ohhh, this is why I don't want Tim drivin' my car. I told Tim that that's my car's is not a family car, it's my car. (Tony leans forward and whispers) I don't like the cut of your jib McGee. This sounds suspiciously like illegal activity and ...well...a man of my delicate disposition is not suited to that kind of thing.
McGee: Don't be such a girl, alright?

Tony: Alright, open to search page. (He looks around, and leans into the camera and whispers) Is this hacking McGee? Are we hacking?
McGee: (Emphatically) It's not hacking.
Tony: But it is illegal, right? Don't answer that. I know its illegal. I'm having fun.

McGee: What do you see?
Tony: A short life. Yours, if I get caught.

Tony: Great. Next stop, Gitmo. I got a hit.

McGee to Tony: Thank you, Tony. Look after yourself. Don't fall overboard, okay?
Tony: (looks left and right, then mutters) More likely to jump.
Gibbs: DiNozzo!
Tony: (puzzled) Pa?
Gibbs: Take care of yourself.
Tony: (looks around) Miss you too, Dad.
McGee: I never thought I'd say this and actually mean it, but it’s good to see you, Tony.
Tony: I miss you too, Probie.
Gibbs: So he was sleeping?
Ducky: There are other reasons why men take their clothes off before getting into bed, Jethro.
Gibbs: Any evidence of that Duck?
Palmer: Well he did come to a sticky end!
Tony: (To Gibbs and McGee) Well its been great talking with you Pa, thanks Tim, you know I love you guys…just Tim is always messing my stuff up, he doesn’t know how to shift gears; he doesn’t change the oil; make sure you feed the chickens, say Hi to mom.
McGee: (in reference to Tony) He's insane.
Gibbs: (smiling) Oh yeah.

Lee: Probably never thought much of me as a lawyer.
Gibbs: That's more the profession than the person.
(Lee's phone rings, she silences it.)
Gibbs: Might be important.
Lee: It can wait.
Abby: I'm so excited McGee. I can't believe it. Pinch me.
(He does.)
Abby: Oow! (Playfully hits him back.)
(Abby turns to Gibbs.)
Abby: Thank you.

Eli David: You know, Leon, sometimes, those who know ask me directly - the brave among them - but most of the time the others, I can feel them looking at me and silently wondering, how can a father possibly raise his daughter to be a professional killer?
Vance: A question that I've never asked you because I know the answer.
Eli David: Every day is a fight to survive. It is my dream that my daughter will not have to make that decision with her sons and her daughters; I would like my grandchildren to be doctors and architects, to live a happy life. To grow fat, and old. [pause] You want her back, don't you.
Vance: Yes, Eli, I want her back.
Eli David: Tell me, Leon, are we winning?
Vance: I don't know, Eli.

Eli David: Use her well, Leon. Ziva is the sharp end of the spear.

Episode 6.02 "Agent Afloat"
McGee: It’s gonna be tough.
Ziva: You think it’s hard for us. Image what it feels like to be him.
McGee: Who him?
Ziva: Tony! We’re all here and he’s stuck on that ship.
McGee: Not Tony. I meant…
Ziva: Completely alone, away from all those who care about him. (pauses) Wait? You weren’t talking about Tony?
McGee: No.

Ziva: It’s freezing in here.
McGee: After four months in the sub-basement, this is cozy. It’s like march of the Penguins down there.

Ziva: Looks like we found the murder weapon. Toy guitar?
McGee: That is not a toy guitar. That is a guitar controller. Used to play Lords of Rock, video game. That particular model is called an axe.
Ziva: So our killer is an axe murderer.

(in response to Ziva and Gibbs analyzing the crime scene)
McGee: I’m sure I would have figured that out eventually.
Ziva: You spent way to much time in the cyber unit. Your crime scene skills are getting a bit dusty.
McGee: Rusty.

Ducky:…suggesting that the blows were delivered—
McGee: Post-mortem. (Looks at Gibbs) Right?
Gibbs smiles.

McGee: Don’t worry Abs. Tony’s deployment will be over soon. Maybe they’ll transfer him back.
Abby: Not maybe McGee. Definitely.

Director Vance: Agent DiNozzo has three more months on the Seahawk. After that we’ll look for the right fit.
Gibbs: He fits right here.

Dr. Nguyễn : Yeah well because of you I have to fill out a report every time I dispense an aspirin.
Tony: That must be such a headache.

Dr. Nguyễn : The man who went overboard?
Tony: Yeah that’d be him genius.
Dr. Nguyễn : You’ve already seen these records.
Tony: And that’s the wacky nature of these cases. They’re sort of like cheap luggage. You think they’re closed and then BAM! You hit a curb, lose a wheel and they open up all over again.

Gibbs: McGee!
McGee: I’m trying boss.
Gibbs: Just pull up his service record.
McGee: Keating changed all my macros. My key board short cuts… Alright I’m pulling it up on the plasma screen.
Ziva: Should we have Keating sent up from the cyber unit.

Ziva: Which may have led to marital problems.
Gibbs: Or murder. I’m going to talk to DiNozzo and the Seahawk.
Abby: Tony? When? Now? Can I talk to him? Please Gibbs I just want to tell him that Sister Rosita bowled a 260 last month and—
Gibbs: Abby, it’s not a social call.
(Gibbs stops short and Ziva runs into him.)
Gibbs: Ziva.
Ziva: Want me to join you?
(Gibbs gives her a look. She is unabashed)

(Gets the information to appear on the plasma)
McGee: Boss! Yes. Boss. I got it!
(looks around, and Gibbs is already gone)

Tony: Hey boss, you talk to Vance?
Gibbs: No I’m talking to you.
Tony: Come on you got to get me off this ship. You have any idea what it’s like to be the only cop on board a city of 5000?
(Gibbs laughs)
Tony: Well of of course you do. But just in case you forgot. It sucks!

Tony: Nothing that screams I’m going to kill my wife and jump overboard. Well it’s pretty obvious what happened right? Evans kills his wife before he leaves, joins the ship, feels he can’t live with what he’s done and then he jumps overboard. Which is what I’m going to do if I don’t get off this ship soon!

Vance: You didn’t read these files did you?
Gibbs: Like I said. Two good men.
Vance: Your choice?
Gibbs: DiNozzo. You sent Ziva to Israel to follow a lead. You sent McGee to the basement to crack a code. There is no reason to assign DiNozzo to a carrier.
Vance: Seven years as an agent. I figured it was about time.
Gibbs: You think he screwed the pooch in LA. That it? You sent him to sea to punish him, Leon?
Vance: Your choice is noted.

McGee: Agent Gibbs' desk.
Tony: McGee?
McGee: Tony, back on dry land.
Tony: Yeah, it’s a tropical paradise really. Just like the Blue Lagoon, except no white sand beaches, magical waterfall and definitely no Brooke Shields.
McGee: I’ve got some good news for you.
Tony: You’re coming to relieve me.
McGee: No, but Vance sent—
Tony: Tequila? Cause I’m going to need at least a case to get through the next three months here.
Vance: (comes up behind McGee) Is that DiNozzo? (Vance turns the speaker phone on.)
Tony: …Everybody hates me. You know what you better make it two cases. With Director Vance running things I’m going to be agent afloat-ing into my sixties. How’s it going there anyway?
Vance: Oh, couldn’t be better DiNozzo.
Tony: Ah, Director Vance…I was just um, telling McGee how much I missed everyone.

McGee: Yeah, Tony that’s what I was trying to tell you.
Tony: Well when do they get here!?
Gibbs: (from behind Tony) Already have.

McGee: Denied again.
Abby: Didn’t they teach you anything down there in Cyber-ville? (Look from McGee) No cyber jokes. Got it.

Abby: Well, Ducky was right. It’s snot.
McGee: It’s not what?
Abby: It’s snot.
McGee: It’s not?
Abby: Yeah, it is.
McGee: Not what?
(Abby gives McGee a look)
Abby: Snot. The substance found in Lindsey Evans hair. It’s snot.
McGee: Well why didn’t you just say that?

Abby: Timmy got new skills!
McGee: Was a long four months.
Abby (looks at her day-count-up and picture of Tony): It still is McGee.

Tony: Let me guess. You guys caught a bad case of DiNozzo-itis and had Vance send you down south.
Ziva: DiNozzo-itis, sounds venereal.
Tony: Okay, don’t admit it. I know you missed me. I missed you Boss.

(Ziva gives Tony her long stare.)
Tony: What?
Ziva: You seem, um…different.
Tony: Taller? Hotter?
Ziva: Older.
Tony: Well, it’s been over four months.
Ziva: You still beating yourself up over Jenny?
Tony: (looks away from Ziva) Not as much as I used to.
Ziva: Drinking?
Tony: Not as much as I used to.
(Ziva touches his shoulder to get him to look at her)
Ziva: You could have called.

Tony: Okay, I was thinking we should let Ziva handle the coroner. I’ve got a hunch.
Gibbs: Got a hunch huh?
Tony: The powers of observation.

(Fighter jet takes off making a really loud noise, causing Ziva to cover her ears)
Captain: You get used to it.
Tony: No you don’t.

Ziva: Is this where you have been these past months?
Tony: Yes. It’s just like the squad room only I’m the squad and there’s no room.

(Ziva and Tony go to leave and Ziva notices the pictures of her in her bathing suit tacked to a tack board.)
Ziva: What are those doing on your wall?
Tony: How…how did those get there?
(walking ship)
Ziva: McGee was specifically told to destroy those photos.
Tony: I guess he forgot.
Ziva: Well then perhaps I should remind him.
Tony: Go easy on the lad. He’s had a rough summer.
Ziva: Well we all have.
Tony: I think it was especially difficult for McGeek; doesn’t handle change well, never has.
Ziva: He seems fine.
Tony: Please, cooped up in that techno-basement for four months? You know how much he loves pounding the pavement, working leads, interrogating.
Ziva: Ha! McGee?
Tony: Yeah, not to mention Gibbs, Duckster, you and me, Abs. I mean, everyone knows how close those two are.
Ziva: McGee was in the subbasement, Tony. They had lunch every week.
Tony: It’s not the same. You get used to seeing someone every day, talking to ‘em, relying on ‘em, then all of a sudden they’re not there.
Ziva: It’s all part of the job.
Tony: Doesn’t make it any easier… for McGee.

Gibbs: You got a B-Plan DiNozzo?
Tony: B…bb…B-Plan? Plan B? Be prepared. Of course I have a Plan B. What kind of agent afloat would I be if I didn’t have a Plan-B? You…you gotta have a Plan-B. I’m all about Plan-B.
(Phone rings, Tony answers)
Tony: Plan-A. They found him.

Tony: I hate it when you don’t know what you’re looking for, but it might kill you if you find it.

Tony: Hell of a Co-winki-dink.
Ziva: What’s a quink-a-dink?
(Tony gives Ziva a look.)
Tony: Coincidence.
Ziva: You believe this is a dwink-a-quink?
Tony: Sarcasm Ziva. We’re back in America. Flip the switch.
Ziva: Well technically we are not.
Tony: American ship, American soil. Ah, American soil.
Ziva: Enough already. You have three more months, what’s the big deal?
Tony: Easy for you to say.
Ziva: What’s that supposed to mean?
Tony: You’re back in DC, which is what you wanted… Isn’t it?
Ziva: You get orders, Tony. You may not like them, but you follow them. That’s why they’re called “orders”.
Tony: That’s not what I asked. Something happened in Israel, didn’t it? You’ll say you don’t want to talk about it, but your eyes won’t shut up. Something you left behind, maybe? Or someone?
Ziva: You’re right. I don’t want to talk about it.

Abby: Gibbs, after a major whiny little temper tantrum Mr. Major Mass Spec got his act in order.

Abby: McGee what’s up? I heard Vance sent you back to the sub-basement.
McGee: No I sent myself back to the sub-basement.
Abby: So what’s next? Sending Ziva back to Israel?

Tony: Almost there boss.
Gibbs: That’s what you said ten minutes ago.
Ziva: What is the problem Tony?
Tony: There is no problem Zee-vah. I’ve seen McGee do this a million times.
Ziva: A million times faster.
Tony: Where the hell are they?
Ziva: Should I call McGee?
Tony: Only if you want to be bored to death with him explaining what I have just done.
(gets the screen to come up with what he wants.)
Gibbs: Narrow that right there.
Tony: I’m trying. Just waiting for my insult now.
Ziva: It takes McGee only seconds.
Tony: Alot of things take McGee only seconds. Hah! Got it.

Gibbs: You wanna fly? I said do you want to fly?! Let's fly. Tell the flight deck Agent Gibbs said to launch.

Com Tech: Medivac is asking to launch on Agent Gibbs' order.
Tony: Launch the plane.
Commander: I've got an armed man aboard that aircraft.
Tony: So have I and he said launch it.

: COD's launching in 10, Boss.

Gibbs: Well then grab your gear.
Tony: My gear?
Gibbs: Yeah. You’re heading home DiNozzo.
Tony: Home?
Ziva: Home.
Tony: (takes off running) Make a hole! Coming through!

Gibbs: The team needs him Leon.
Vance: I’ve already made my decision. And in answer to your question. It was never punishment.

Abby: (crushing Tony in a hug) Tony! You’re back!
Tony: In the flesh.
Abby: For real? Like total real? Like pinky promise permanent real?
Tony: Reassigned to DC, effective immediately. (To Gibbs) Vance just told me.
McGee: Never thought I’d say this Tony, but it’s nice to have you back.
Abby: Nice? It’s like spectacular. I kept every one of your postcards and I have a whole DiNozzo wall in my office.
Tony: It was a long four months and I have to say it’s great to be back, not that I didn’t think I wasn’t coming back…
Abby: (cutting him off) So anyway sister Rosita bowled a 260 last month. And I watched Titanic finally and it sinks in the end, very weird…

Episode 6.03 "Capitol Offense"
Abby: It looks scrumptious.
Ziva: They call it choc-a-holic’s choice. Claim it is the ultimate cupcake.
McGee: Ahh, that smells great.
Abby: (slaps at Tony’s hand) Don’t you dare.
Tony: Isn’t this the week you’re going gluten free?
Abby: (hugs Ziva) Thank you Ziva. You shouldn't have.
Ziva: I owe you for letting me sleep at your place.
Tony: Slumber party! You two spent the night together? What’s going on here McGee?
McGee: Don’t know, don’t care. None of my business, DiNosey.
Ziva: You are such a control geek.
Tony: Freak.
Ziva: Yes, that too. Why do you always need to know everything that everybody does?

Tony: So you stayed at Abs last night huh? You guys sleep in the same room?
Ziva: It is a one bedroom apartment.
Tony: One bedroom, one bed, one coffin.
Ziva: You want the truth?
Tony: Yeah, I think I can handle the truth.
Ziva: My building was being fumigated and Abby was kind enough to let me stay over on the couch in my pajamas.
Tony: Come on, work with me a bit.

Tony holds up lace underwear, Ziva turns around and sees him.
Ziva: Tony, what are you doing?
Tony: I’m building a profile of the victim.

Ziva: You just love snooping around into other peoples' lives don’t you?
Tony: Yeah that why I became a cop.

Vance: (comes halfway down the stairs and stares at Gibbs) Got a minute?
(Gibbs silently joins him.)
Tony: So what’s up with El Jefe? Yesterday he leaves the crime scene with no explanation. Today he knew the Admiral had a problem with the victim. Where’d he get that?
McGee: Maybe he’s bluffing.
Tony: Un-un. It was on the nose.
Ziva: Who’s nose?
Tony: On the money. Bulls eye. Right as rain. You were doing better before you went back to Israel. You’ve reverted.
(Ziva gives Tony a look and clicks the pointer she’s holding in his face.)

Tony: I think I see something. A shadowy something. Down there.
McGee: Your turn.
Tony: I am the Jedi Master. You are the Padawan Learner. (points toward the stream) Closer. Closer.
McGee: I can't get any closer.
Tony: (grabs McGee's shoulders) I've got you.
McGee: You've got me?
Tony: I'm holding you.
(McGee makes move toward stream, loses balance and falls in)
Tony: See, I told you I saw something.

Abby: Gibbs, it was underwater and covered in mud.
Tony: McGee found it with his butt.

McGee: Director Vance I’ll need the password to your voice-mail account.
Vance: (writes it down) For your eyes only.
McGee: Yes, sir.
Vance: And the messages from my wife, not for your ears.

Vance: I’m going to need to be kept in the loop on this.
Gibbs: I’ve been on this case less than twenty-four hours. When I get something concrete I will let you know.

Gibbs: Abby what are you doing?
Abby: A boundary has been cross. I’ve been violated. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Gibbs: Yeah? Tell me.
Abby: Someone stole my cupcake.

Abby: There is a thief amongst us and I’m going to find out who and they’re going to be sorry.
Gibbs: Do you think you could pull yourself away from this long enough to focus on the murder?
Abby: She reads her horoscope every day, as do I. Today it said I was going to have a positive encounter with a co-worker. Not going to happen.

Tony: …but my source at the Pentagon says he’s still a player.
Ziva: Who is your source?
Tony: Jerry the barber.
Ziva: (half laughs) A barber?
Tony: Yeah. … Barbers, manicurist, shoe shine guys, they’re invisible. People talk in front of them like they’re not even there.

Gibbs: (slams his desk drawer and grabs his coat) No one leaves here until I get back.
Tony: Okay, now I’m officially curious.

McGee: There must be hundreds of those in the Metro area.
Abby: Twelve hundred and sixty-seven, open your mouth.
McGee: What? Why?
Abby: I need a DNA swab.
McGee: What’s this about?
Ziva: Someone stole her cupcake.
McGee: No, this is an invasion of privacy.
Abby: McGee I will get your DNA one way or another.
Tony: Do what the woman says. She sleeps in a coffin.
Abby: (takes swab) Thanks. (turns to Tony) You’re next.

Abby: You cannot have my cupcake and eat it too.
Gibbs: You’re not serious?
Abby: Dead.

Ducky: I can give you a preliminary cause of death.
Gibbs: Asphyxiation.
Ducky: Well, yes, it is rather obvious isn’t it? Would you care to venture the time of death?
Gibbs: A little after ten this morning.
Ducky: I’m not feeling very needed.

Vance: You got an opinion?
Gibbs: It doesn’t feel right. We were handed the gun and the confession. It was too easy.

McGee: Hey. You looking for me Tony?
Abby: No, I am. Do you think I’m an idiot?
McGee: No.
Abby: What you thought I wouldn’t figure it out?
McGee: What is she talking about?
Ziva: The cupcake.
Abby: You stole it from my refrigerator. I have forensic evidence. Your big fat fingerprint.
McGee: Oh come on you think I’m that stupid? Look, if I was going to steal your precious cupcake I would not leave a fingerprint on your refrigerator.
Abby: You didn’t. You used latex gloves. Brand new box McGee. Only prints, mine and yours.
McGee: You said you were going glutten free.
Abby: Where is it McGee?
McGee: I was saving you from yourself Abby.
Abby: Where did you save it McGee?
McGee: Okay, I ate it. It was late, I hadn’t eaten since lunch, the machine in the break room was empty and it looked so good.
Tony: (hugs McGee) What were you thinking McGee? She’s a world class forensic scientist. (Head slaps him)
Ziva: I bought the cupcake for Abby. (Ziva head slaps him)
Abby: So, how was it?
McGee: It was life changing.

Vance: Would have appreciated the heads-up before the arrest.
Gibbs: You covered good. Trust. Loyalty. They’re important.
Vance: Guess you know all about that after today. How do you think we’re going to do in that department?

Abby: McGee, I will get your DNA one way or another.
Tony: Do what the woman says.She sleeps in a coffin.

Episode 6.04 "Heartland"

Talking about the ring in evidence.
Tony: It might give us more than that. Stillwater High School.
McGee: That’s supposed to mean something to us?
Tony: Stillwater High School. In all the time you two spend staring at computer screens you never once peeked in the man’s file? Come on!
Abby: (giving Tony weird look) Who’s file?
Tony: Stillwater is a small town in Pennsylvania. Coal country. Primarily known for the mine, but only slightly less well known as the birthplace of one Leroy Jethro Gibbs. This guy is from Gibbs home town.

Ducky: From Mozart to mayhem...

(Tony, standing at Gibbs desk and spinning his chair)
: So many questions. My mind is spinning with questions, I mean have you ever thought about it? He actually came somewhere, he didn’t just appear you know? He didn’t just start Gibbs, he was a boy and then he grew...
Ziva: I thought he was moulded from clay. Had life breathed into him by a group of mystics.
McGee: That’s funny I thought he fell to earth in a capsule after his home planet exploded.
Ziva: No, he burst forth full-grown from the mind of Zeus.
McGee: Nice.
Tony: He's the avatar of Vishnu. He was sent to be the left hand of Yahweh. He was grown in a cabbage patch. I'm trying to pose a serious metaphysical question here. You wan't to be clever? I can be clever.
Gibbs (walks in): Just a matter of time, DiNozzo.

McGee: Road trip! (Ziva and McGee start packing fast)
Gibbs: DiNozzo!
Tony: On your six boss!
Gibbs: Follow up with the Taylor family.
Tony: But I...On it.
(Gibbs, McGee and Ziva walks in the elevator. McGee and Ziva smiles at Tony. As the door closes...)
Tony: I hate you! Take lots of pictures!

McGee: Printed out directions, Boss.
Gibbs: Yeah? I know how to get there, McGee.
McGee: So...when was the last time that you went home?
Gibbs: I make it a point to go home every night.
McGee: I mean, when was the last time you went to Stillwater?
Gibbs: I just joined to Corps...Summer...76.
Ziva: What was it like when you left?
Gibbs: Ohhh...a whole lot of fanfare....fireworks....parades...might have been the Bicentennial.

Jackson: My name’s Jackson.
Ziva: Ziva.
Jackson: Ziva. Well Ziva it looks like you dropped something.
(Ziva bends down to pick up the twenty dollar bill Jackson dropped. He stops her.)
Jackson: Whoa. Kind of tells a story doesn’t it? A twenty dollar bill’s just a piece of paper in your wallet. You put it on the ground and suddenly it’s full of wonder.
Ziva: Context can change a thing.
Jackson: That it is. I’ll bet back in Israel you were considered a pretty girl. You step one foot in my country and instantly you’re an exotic beauty.
Ziva: When did we start talking about people?
Jackson: Well if the ‘I’ in NCIS is to be believed, you’re observant enough to realize that all this is a pretext for engaging a young woman in conversation.

Gibbs: Word travels fast.
Jackson: That is does. When people actually open their mouths and speak with one another. You don’t call. You don’t write. Were you going to come by and say hi?
Gibbs: Hi, Jack.
Jackson: Hi. Leroy.
Gibbs: Ziva, McGee. Jackson Gibbs, my father.

Jackson: I always make it a point to return home after every adventure, unlike some people. Does he ever talk about me, my boy?
McGee: I think I heard him refer to you once as dead.
Ziva: Ugh…you probably misheard him McGee.
McGee: I think she’s right, he probably said Dad.
Jackson groans.
Ziva: Nice save McGee.

Jackson: He spent all his time out in the garage working on some project...we didn't even have electricity out there.
McGee: (whispering to Ziva) I can see it.

Jackson: Let that be a lesson in parenting...tell a kid you can't have a rifle and he ends up a sniper.

Jackson: Now where are you going? You’re not going to walk up there and start accusing people are you?
Gibbs: I thought I’d drive.

McGee: Uh, boss. We’ll wait here.
(Gibbs gives them a look then gets in the car with his father.)
Ziva: I’ll call Tony.
McGee: I’ll call Abby.
(They run back into the store.)
Ziva and McGee: Gibbs has a father!
Tony and Abby: Tell me everything!

Ziva: Gibbs is very different around him.
Abby: Different how? Different bad? Different good?
McGee: He's like a teenager. Sort of.
Tony: Okay. I'm coming. I'm going. I'm leaving.
Abby: Me too.

McGee: I’m impressed with your Internet savvy Tony. How’d you find that?
Tony: I used Google.
McGee: Not so impressed. Gibbs probably could have done that.

: Boss? You make them call you that? He’s not a boss… Are you a boss Leroy?

Jackson: Everybody’s always lying to you all the time, can't you ever take things as you see them.
Gibbs: I see people lying to me.
Jackson: You were such a happy child.

Jackson: You can do that? You can tell what I’ve been looking at?
Ziva: What have you been looking at?
Jackson: None of your business.

McGee: Good morning Gibbs. Gibbs-es.

Jackson: You give people a chance and they might surprise you.
Gibbs: That’s what worries me.

Jackson: In fact we haven’t talked since the funeral, I adored that wife of yours and I adored that child too. I always figured it was Shannon who sent me the Christmas cards…

Jackson: Leroy, what did I do at the funeral?
Gibbs: You mean other than showing up with a date?
Jackson: I always thought that your mom and I had a love story for the ages, I never regretted giving up the skies, working underground everyday in the mines, I wanted to give you that white picket fence dream.
Gibbs: And you did.

Jackson: When your Mother died, I know how mad that made you, I know how you hated me for getting on with my life..i saw the look in your face, how you wanted vengeance…That look went away when you met Shannon, but it came back quick after they died…I know what that meant, you were gonna find someone to take it out on…didn’t matter what I said…
Gibbs: It never did…what do you see now?
Tony: We have a problem. Only one car.
Jackson: I got a car.
Gibbs: (in response to Jackson's question of what his job is like) Well, it’s like what you do.
Jackson: Selling groceries?
Gibbs: No. You like to tell a story.
Jackson: I’ve been known to spin a yarn or two.
Gibbs: Well most of mine start with a dead body. You look in to how they got that way they come back to life. Meet the people they knew. See what they try to tell you. See what they try to hide.

(Tony gets out of the car grimacing and rubbing his arm.)
McGee: Pass a lot of Volkswagen beetles on your way up?
Tony: Abby cheats at punch buggy.
McGee: I know.
Abby: (After she finished explaining what she did with the DNA) It’s not that complicated Jack.
Jackson: I meant it’s a wonder Leroy gets any work done surrounded by such beautiful women.

Abby and McGee: Shotgun.
Abby and McGee: Called it first.
(Race to car, Ziva is already sitting in the front.)
Abby: It was so nice to meet you. (Abby hugs Jackson.)
Jackson a bit flustered looks at McGee.
McGee: She’s a hugger.

Tony: Jack, I’ve gotta know some things. I’ve got a lot of questions.
Gibbs: You can have two DiNozzo.
Tony: Where do I start?
Gibbs: You’ve got one left.
Tony: Well that doesn’t count…okay. The rules? Did he learn him from you? Did you teach him the rules?
Jackson: Sorry son, I didn’t teach him much of anything.

Jackson: I know you hate it when I use a hundred words when a few will do, but give us a call some times.
Gibbs: It’s the least I could do.
Jackson: Goodbye son.
Gibbs (embracing him) Bye Dad

Young Gibbs: Are you waiting for the train too?
Shannon: Yes.
Young Gibbs: We could sit together.

Shannon: But I guess you’re not a lumberjack.
Young Gibbs: No.
Shannon: Well I have a rule. It’s either rule number one or number three, never date a lumberjack.
Young Gibbs: You’ve got a rule for everything?
Shannon: Working on it. Everyone needs a code they can live by. What’s your name?
Young Gibbs: Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
Shannon: I’m just going to call you Gibbs.
Young Gibbs: You can call me anything you want.
Shannon: I’m Shannon.
Sheriff: (to Gibbs) You know, if you had a little tennis ball buzz cut, instead of that salt and pepper, you'd remind me of this skinny little wise-a** I used to know.

Tony: So many questions! My mind is spinning with questions! I mean, have you ever thought about it? He actually came from somewhere! He didn't just appear, y'know; he didn't just start Gibbs, he was a boy, and then he grew!
Ziva: I thought he was molded from clay, had life breathed into him by a group of mystics!
McGee: That's funny, I thought he fell to Earth in a capsule, after his home planet exploded!
Ziva: (laughs) No, he burst forth- full grown, from the mind of Zeus!
McGee: Nice.
Tony: He is the avatar of Vishnu. He was sent to be the left hand of Yahweh! He was grown in a cabbage patch. I'm trying to pose a serious metaphysical question here! You want to be clever? I can be clever.
Gibbs: (enters) Just a matter of time, DiNozzo.

Episode 6.05 "Nine Lives"
Ziva: "No wonder he's keeping his cards close to his breasts."

Fornell: I'm too old for this crap!

Fornell: What's this?
Tony: The number of mine locksmith. He is very good, especially with bathroom windows

Ziva: I am normal people!
Tony: You're normal people like the people from "Ordinary People" are normal people.

Tony: Why would one friend withhold information from another?
Ziva: Maybe that friend felt it was the best thing for everyone.
Tony: Best for everyone or best for herself? (Ziva looks at him)
McGee: Her?
Tony: Or him

Tony: I don't speak Hebrew, but I'm pretty sure you just swore. What happened? Your Men of Mossad calendar get lost in the mail?...Women of Mossad calendar get lost in the mail?

Tony: Gibbs versus Fornell. It's like Frazier-Ali or Rocky versus...everyone

Tony: What are you McDoing, McGee?
McGee: Working on Kale's phone records.
Tony: Thought you already McDid that.

Tony: See that prefix right in front of your face? That is Boynton Beach,Florida, my friend.You know what they got there? Sun, sand, old people.

Tony: I like to get to the bottom of things.It's my specialty.

McGee: You lose something there, Tony?
Tony: Just my ability to snoop around Ziva's desk without anyone noticing anything.

Ziva: Then a car containing Azari and an associate pulled onto Atchison.
Tony: My ninja. I'm Azari.
Ziva: Why you?
Tony: Azari's got swagger, flair, panache.
Ziva: But I'm the assassin.
Tony: Style over substance.

McGee: Think Fornell would lie to Gibbs?
Ziva: If he felt he must.
Tony: Says the woman who's being evasive to her friends about her vacation to Israel.
Ziva: I am intrigued be how intrigued you are by this Tony.
Tony: And I am curious that you are curious that I am intrigued. What's his name?
Ziva: I do not believe I said I was actually seeing anyone. Although it would be very difficult to go to Israel and not see anyone at all. It is quite populated you know.
Tony: Ah, that's cute. I don't see why you're having trouble admitting this. You know, you were in Israel for four months, plenty of time to hook up with someone.
McGee: That amount of time, Tony would've hooked up with several someones.
Tony: Hey.
Ziva: What is it you really want to know Tony?
Tony: Depends, Ziva.
Ziva: On?
Tony: On what it is you don't want me know.

Gibbs: You made a mistake.
Fornell: No, a mistake was marrying your ex-wife.

Fornell: (to Gibbs) I haven't seen you with that look since I proposed to your ex-wife.

Tony: Nesiah tova.
Ziva: See you next week.
Episode 6.06 "Murder 2.0"
Tony: Run for your life Probie. Run.
McGee: What are you doing?
Tony: Just trying to save your life.
McGee: What did you do?
Tony: Why is it always me? Well that’s a good point, but in this case—
Ziva: McGee!
Tony: Too late.
McGee: Why is she sitting at my…
Tony: You’re on your own Probie.
Ziva: McGee, get in here.
Tony: Plea temporary insanity. It’s your best bet.
Ziva: What did I tell you McGee?
McGee: Uh…about what?
(Ziva gets up and drags him over to his computer screen where there are the pictures of her in a bathing suit, from Judgment Day)
McGee: Uh…
Ziva: I told you to destroy those. Twice!
McGee: I did. No I did. I...I…um…Tony! Tony must have—

Ziva: You did not erase those photos did you? Admit it and I will spare you one of your eyes.
McGee: I did not erase those photos.

Ziva: Give me your hand.
Gibbs: Better than losing your eye McGee.

Tony: What do we got?
Gibbs: What do we got? We got a…that’s a good question DiNozzo.

Tony: “My mother isn’t quite herself today.”
(Ziva looks at him)
Tony: Psycho.
Ziva: You certainly have your moments.

Tony: Hmm looks like their night was ruined.
Ziva: I am going to ruin McGee’s whole year.
Tony: Don’t you think you’re being a little uptight about this photo thing?
Ziva: No, seriously what do you think he’s doing with it?
Tony: I would rather shave my eyeballs than contemplate that.

Tony: “Mother! Blood, blood.”
Ziva (to Gibbs): Psycho.
Gibbs: He has his moments.

Abby: Um Gibbs. Primitus Victor. It’s Latin. It means first victim.
Gibbs: Yeah, I know Abs.

McGee: Yeah two years ago he donated sperm.
Tony: Ah, the things people will do for money.
Ziva: You donated your sperm.
Tony: Didn’t do that for the money. Just to enrich the world. So Boss, I talked to security at Quantico.
(McGee makes upset sound.)
Tony: Oh sorry did I interrupt? Let’s see who boss likes better.
Gibbs: Ziva.

Tony: …but how do you drag a dead guy through two miles of water?
Gibbs: It was frozen.
Tony: No I was going to say a James Bond submersible sled from Thunderbolt, but frozen is good. Float him right in.

Tony: On your six boss. Hey you haven’t forgotten about that screen saver, Ziva?
Ziva: Actually I had. Thanks for reminding me.
Tony: What are friends for?

Tony: Everything okay boss? You seem kind of quiet (pause) -ter than usual.

Vance: Do I need to tell you Sec Nav is already breathing down my neck?
Gibbs: If it’ll make you feel better.
Vance: Sec Nav is already breathing down my neck.

Ziva: If you’re done I suggest we start with cause of death. Radiation poisoning.
Tony: Drowning.
McGee: Killer Nun.
(Ziva and Tony turn to stare at McGee)
Tony: Wow. Maybe we should try location.
Ziva: Some kind of bombing range.
Tony: Anchor-age-Alas-ka.
McGee: Convent.
Tony: Is that were they keep the killer nuns?
McGee: Look all I’m saying is some of the nuns I knew could get extremely agitated.
Gibbs: Tell me you’ve got something other than agitated nuns?

Tony: Nice girl. Wasn’t my type though.
Ziva: Really? She was breathing.
Tony: Ha! Well I have standards Ziva otherwise I’d be dating you.

Tony: It makes a coincidence and I don’t like coincidences.

(McGee falls flat on his face after trying to run through glue.)
McGee: Again with the glue?
Abby: Consider yourself lucky. It was either that or hydrochloric acid.

Tony: Jany-cam. That’s a new one.

Abby: I’ve never been this scared in my whole life. Except when my stalker ex tried to kill me and when my insane assistant Chip had me at knife point and when McGee’s crazy fan put a gun to my head that—
McGee: We got it Abs.

Vance: You must have really pissed somebody off.
Tony: It’s not a short list. Of people that…that you’ve angered just because you have rock solid principles and so it’s easy for people to misunderstand that and misconstrue…you know people don’t—
Vance: Why don’t you quit while you’re behind DiNozzo.
Tony: I’m trying.

Abby: I have two questions. This video is different from the others. Why?
Gibbs: Okay. What’s your other?
Abby: Can I stay with you tonight?

Ducky: This is a fascinating individual Jethro.
Gibbs: I can think of another word for it.
Ducky: Yeah crazy. The precise term is narcissistic personality disorder.
Gibbs: Oh yeah, well I’m familiar with that too.
Ducky: Yes, but where Agent DiNozzo has a obsessive need for admiration, he has empathy as well, something our killer lacks.

Abby: I'm so sorry Gibbs.
Gibbs: It's not your fault Abby.

McGee: Did you try both together?
(Realization dawns on Abby’s face)
Abby: You are God amongst men.

Tony: Ahh well that explains the savvy with the nose pick from hell.

Tony: Sears Tower, Chicago.
Gibbs: Moscow.
Ziva: Rio.
Tony: Death by jetlag?
Gibbs: The clue’s not the city. The clue is the snow.
McGee: I’m not a God among men, you are. I’ve got it. Now my CPU is too small.
Tony: I’m going to let that slide.

Ziva: We will go. If you were the intended victim this might just be a way to lure you out.
Gibbs: And it’s working.

Tony: Really wish you’d stayed in the car, Boss.
Gibbs: DiNnozzo would you shut up or I’m going to shoot you.

Killer: NCIS. I know I should have gone with the FBI. It’s a cliché, but look at what you get for trying something different.

Tommy: …but Tommy Doyle he’s going to be a household name by the 10 o’clock news.
News Caster: Authorities say the cybervid killer is in custody. However citing possible links to terrorism officials are not releasing his identity…
Tony: Yeah that’s gotta hurt. All that for a question mark
Tony: (about a serial killer) Someone wasn't hugged enough as a child. \

Ziva: Admit it and I will spare you one of your eyes.

Episode 6.07 "Collateral Damage"
Ziva: You are fortunate recruits aren't allowed to carry guns.
Tony: I don't know if you noticed Ziva but she and they don't exactly want to shoot me.
Ziva: Give them time.
(when ribbed by McGee regarding recruits)
: I am just doing my best to teach and inspire where I can, when I can. Mc Kill Joy.
(Ziva getting irritated because she's having a hard time controlling the video being reviewed as McGee hovers over her)
No, you went back too far.
Ziva: I got it.
McGee: No, you went back too far.
Ziva: That's why I'm going fast forward now.
McGee: Ok, just let me do it. Let me do it, please. OK? You handle this like you handle your car.
Ziva: And if you want to handle anything EVER again, remove your hand from my mouse.

Ziva: If you want someone dead, you knock on their door, they answer you shoot them. Easy.

: Lies make my ear's itch.

Paul Harris: See, I don't need to rob a bank. I'm about to marry one.
McGee: Tony's still hitting on the new recruits, huh?
Ziva: Ignorant, hopeful and eager to please.
McGee: What recruit isn't?
Ziva: I was not talking about the recruits.

Tony: Yeah, rule #13: Never ever involve lawyers. Things are bound to turn nasty.
Dwayne: I'll remember that.
Tony: You should. Gibbs has been divorced three times. He has seven rules that involve lawyers. None of them are very pretty. You don't need to know 'em all just #13. It's the umbrella rule.

Vance: Our agents should look more like McGee than they do DiNozzo.
Gibbs: More like you than like me.

McGee: (to Wilson while watching Tony in interrogation) Tony has his own style.Sort of Dirty Harry meets Keystone cop.

Agent Wilson: How's Gibbs to work for?
Tony: What have you heard? That bad guys would rather confess than be interrogated by him? That his steely gaze can cool a room by five degrees? That he can only be killed by a silver bullet, like a werewolf? They're all true, except for the silver bullet part. It might give him indigestion or heartburn, but I don't think it'd kill him.

Episode 6.08 "Cloak"
Tony: You read me, snowman?
Gibbs: Sit tight, bandit.
McGee: I've got to ask you this. Did you order a dead body?

Ziva: What is this place?
Guard: It's classified.
Tony: Classified. What you got in there? Aliens? Big Foot? Arc of the covenant? (Guard looks impatient) That only leaves one thing...
Ziva and McGee: (in unison) Unicorn.

Guard: What is your clearance?
Tony: About 6 foot 1 and a half. Why you got low ceilings?

Tony: (In response to the guard asking how many trucks they had) Well you have already met Widow Woman (Ziva) and Spider Mike (McGee) here, Rubber Ducky (Ducky) makes it a great big convoy. Park it right there Love Machine (Palmer). We are going to be rocking through the night here Smokey (Guard).
Gibbs: DiNozzo, would rather not.
Tony: East bound and down Snowman (Gibbs) Bandit (Tony) out.

Ducky: As you’re so adept at reading my mind, what do I want now?
Palmer: (pauses as he studies Ducky's face, then says with British inflection) Privacy.

(Ducky asks Gibbs why he’s hanging out in autopsy)
Gibbs: Just killing time.
Ducky: Would you like me to perform an autopsy on your watch?

Tony: (referring to McGee) I think the freshman’s having a senior moment.

Gibbs: (to Tony and Ziva) Get in. Get the intel. Get out. Nobody gets hurt.

Tony: (To Ziva, in the elevator) It’s dinner theater for an audience of one. When's the curtain go down...

McGee: Stop acting weird.
Abby: I am weird!

Take Miss Sciuto into custody.

Palmer: Guys, I've got kind of a confession. Michelle and I sort of had a clandestine... we kind of dated for a while.
Tony: We know.
Palmer: You do?
McGee: Jimmy, I'm sorry your girlfriend turned out to be a Cylon.
Abby: You lost a body?
Palmer: I didn't lose him. No! He was - stolen, and that's not even the weirdest part. We showed up at the crime scene and there he was. I think Gibbs had something to do with it. And - and Dr. Mallard looks like he wants to kill someone. I don't want it to be me. So
[tries to move past Abby] I'm going...
Abby: You cannot hide here!
[shoves him out of her lab]
Palmer: Please!
Abby: No!

Tony: Didn't we get our fill of secret agendas and lying and manipulation during the previous administration?
Ziva: Look, I, too, had hoped things would be different by now.
Tony: I'd like to go up and give Vance a piece of my mind.
Ziva: The way you're losing it, I don't think you have enough to spare!
Tony: I'd take that toothpick of his and shove it up the SecNav's cigar.
Ziva: You have had enough of this job, then.
Tony: I like the job. I don't like the politics. Wasn't kidding about that part earlier.
Ziva: If you had ever had some military training, then maybe you would have learned to follow orders.
Tony: What, like you? We were given a direct order not to engage. I recall that you were the first one to throw a punch.
Ziva: It was a reflex!
Tony: Hmm. Really? Then what happened after? The last thing I remember before the lights went out was you Kimbo Slicing through a room full of guards. Was that a reflex?
Ziva: Yes! It was! Gunshot went off. I saw you -- [long pause]
Tony: I'm tired of pretending.
Ziva: So am I.

Vance: I'm sorry to pull you out of it, sir. It was unavoidable.
Davenport: Oh, I love the Russians. Their cold, calculating approach to this business makes me feel positively sentimental in comparison. Do you have a light? [Gibbs lights his cigar. SecNav looks at Gibbs.]
Davenport: Gibbs, isn't it?

Davenport: When the vacancy was created at the top of your agency, you induced me to give you this post. The deal was simple: GET YOUR HOUSE IN ORDER!
Episode 6.09 "Dagger"
Tony: I smell a non-fat soy double-cross latte.

Gibbs (to Lee as he grabs her arm): My show. My call. My car. Now.

Tony (to Lee): It’s a restricted area. You’re not invited.

Gibbs: Her rope got shorter.
Vance: Lucky she’s not hanging by it.

Tony: Maybe that’s the plan.
Ziva: What plan?
Tony: Exactly.

Tony: Don’t worry, McScout, we got our Mossad hunting dog. Bark once for yes. (Ziva growls)

Tony: How can you work with someone for three years and not know they have a kid?
Ziva: Just because you work with someone everyday does not mean you know everything about them.
Tony: Really then I shouldn't know about that tattoo on the inside of your...(Ziva cuts him off)
Ziva: I meant, I understand someone wanting to keep personal and professional lives separate. As should you. It did not end very well when you fell in love when you were undercover did it?
Tony: Thanks for the memory.

Ziva: Ready for a hike?
Tony: Can't we drive? (Ziva heads off through the woods) If we end up hanging off Lincoln's nose this is really gonna suck!

Tony: (who is lost in the woods with Ziva, speaking to McGee) McGPS, are we close to anything?

Tony: (referring to dead body)
Looks like the help’s been fired.

Ziva: She was counting the days with her lunch. Brave girl.

Lee: What do you want me to say?
Tony: I don’t want you to say anything. Had enough of your lies.

Tony: (to Lee) Home. Now. Get your things.

Tony: You’re so naïve, McGullible.

(Tony wipes at McGee’s face)
McGee: What are you doing?
Tony: Removing the wool she’s pulled over your eyes.

Abby: Like the first time you put your feet in Jell-O weird.

Vance (in response to Abby wondering if he’s doing a Gibbs impression): No, I’m doing Vance.

Abby (to Vance): Well, women can be criminals too. Like Agent Lee.

Abby: Oh, Leon. (sees at Vance’s expression, looks chagrined) Too soon for the Leon?
Vance: Mmm-hmmm.

Tony (to Gibbs over the headset): Heads up, the Invisible Man is back.

Gibbs (to Lee): You should have come to me as soon as this happened. Before you murdered two men!

Vance (to McGee): You and Gibbs have just committed treason.

Tony (about Gibbs in bar during stakeout): Look at him. The man’s an artist.

Tony: What the hell is this?
Ziva: Computers.
Tony: (sarcastically) I’m glad you’re here.

Tony: (on phone, thinks he is talking to McGee) Hey, Probie, what I am looking at?
Vance: (has taken McGee’s phone from him) A career in the fast food industry.

Vance: Lee a hero or a villain?
Gibbs: Both.

Amanda: Thank you for helping me with my drawing Ziva.

Amanda: Where's Michie?
Tony: Define 'lost', McGee. I know exactly where we are. We're between a tree and a bush, directly underneath the earth's sun.
McGee: Well you're not showing up on the map, let me restart the scan.
Tony: You might wanna hurry. Ziva's turning in circles; either the trail's gone cold, or she's about to mark her territory.

Episode 6.10 "Road Kill"

McGee: I'm not even gonna ask.
Ziva: Allow me. What are you doing, Tony?

Ducky: (talking to the corpse) This is getting like a Greek tragedy. Did you know that legend has it that in 456BC a vulture mistook a man's bald head for it's prey, and dropped a stone on it? Killed him instantly. Yeah, the unfortunate fellow became known as-
Gibbs: The father of Greek tragedy.
Ducky: I had no idea you were familiar with the classics, Jethro.

Tony: My current rank in the air guitar competition is up with a bullet to second.
Ziva: Oh, you must be so proud.
Tony: You're jealous
Ziva: Because you can air guitar?
Tony: Because you can't.
Ziva: Tony, I have told you that I like to have fun in more adult ways.
Tony: Reading.
Ziva: Yes. Reading.
Tony: Look, everybody enjoys a good book but don't you ever have the urge to just act a little...
Ziva: Childish?

Tony: Silly. Stupid. Brainless.
Ziva: Like you?

Tony: Exactly.
Ziva: Tony, you and I come from two totally different places. In my world, you grow up. Fast. You have no choice.
Tony: Now you do.

Tony: Sorry Ziva, we don't talk about Fight Club.

Tony: I smell road rage.
Ziva: And I smell Big Wong.

Tony: What did Shmeul Rubenstein do to deserve the wrath of Ziva?
Ziva: He said he liked me.
Tony: *shocked*
Abby: I'd pay a lot of money to see the right bout, like Leroy Jethro Gibbs, versus...
McGee: Ziva.
Abby: No McGee, I was thinking like Terminator.
McGee: Which model? TX? T1000?
Abby: All of them. Gibbs terminates.
McGee: Alright, how about Gibbs versus Godzilla?
Abby: King of the Monsters, toast.
McGee: Monthra?
Abby: Wingless in a nano-second. Come on McGee, give me something fierce, bossman's got mad skills.
McGee: Alright... ooh ok, what about Gibbs versus Gibbs.
Abby: Uhhoo that's good, so its like evil twin, clone.

Tony: Uh... follow the blood trail. (Ziva goes off through trees) Wait for me, Pocahontas
(Tony is taking his picture on his computer)
McGee: I'm not even going to ask.
Ziva: Allow me. (to Tony) What are you doing, Tony?
Tony: Best deep in thought face
Ziva: I guess there's a first time for everything.
Tony: Nailed it. All right, Strawdog24. Beat this one. Yeah, baby.
McGee: (reading the website name) The place to compete online with anyone at anything.
Tony: Yeah. It's very fun. Very addictive. Look at this guy. Best air guitar. Look at that guy. Best 'do the Hustle'. (McGee goes back to his desk) I mean, you name it, they got it.
Ziva: The Hustle?
Tony: The Hustle.Satuday Night Fever? Travolta. (mimics dancing)
Ziva: What is the point?
Tony: What is the point of any dance? It's about letting loose. It's, you know, having a good time.
Ziva: I meant the web site, Tony.
Tony: It's... fun. It is... amusement. Light-hearted pleasure.
Ziva: I know what you're doing. I know how to have fun, Tony.
Tony: Really? Do tell.
Ziva: The Hustling and the deep thinking photos. Those are all just, you know, Child's play. Tell him, McGee. (they both look over when McGee doesn't answer)
Ziva: McGee? (McGee is making a weird face)
McGee: Uh, I'm just working on my best psycho face here.
Tony: It's not bad, Probie. Just need to work a little bit more with the eyebrow. See what I'm saying? (helps him perfect his face) See how that reads? See that?
McGee: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
: That's what you want.
Gibbs: (entering) Would you two like some time alone together?
McGee: Uh, no, boss.We were just.....
Ziva: Acting like children.
Tony: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Episode 6.11 "Silent Night"

Abby: Merry Christmas Tiny Tim!
Ducky: It's a sixpence.
Abby: What does it have to do with Christmas?
Ducky: Everything, Abby. It's a tradition. That coin has been baked, or steamed actually, into every Mallard Christmas pudding since the 1850s. It brings good fortune and luck in the coming year to whoever finds it on their plate.
Abby: Assuming they don't choke to death on it.
Ducky: Sadly, with no extended family here, I've let the tradition lapse.
Abby: Next year, Ducky, you and me, we're gonna make Christmas pudding.
Ducky: I'd like that.
Abby: I like everything about Christmas. Except for that Chipmunk song. And shopping. I hate shopping. I never know what to get anyone. Especially Gibbs. What do you get for the guy that has nothing and wants nothing?
Ducky: (As Gibbs comes in the room) Some squeaky shoes.

Ziva: She pretty?
Tony: Gorgeous. She was perfect, okay? Witty, smart… That was twelve years ago. She’s had two kids, God knows what she looks like now.
Ziva: So… What happened? Tony doesn’t answer but continues staring out the window.
Ziva: You ever, um, regret not having a wife and kids, especially during this time of year? Hanukah is all about family. Is it not the same with Christmas?
Tony: I’m gonna go check out the guy in the blue hoodie.
Ziva: It is a woman!
Gibbs: (as he and Quinn look at the Vietnam Memorial Wall) No matter how many times I come here, it still gets to me. You look at a name, and you have to look at a reflection of yourself. You are among the fallen.
Quinn: Yeah. Difference is, you can leave. The names don't.
Ducky: Something wrong, Jethro?
Gibbs: Fingerprints found at a double homicide yesterday belong to a Petty Officer who's supposed to have been dead seventeen years. (hands Ducky a file) His death certificate.
Ducky: Oh dear. (chuckles) Someone's in trouble. (looks at the certificate) I signed it?

(Gibbs makes a phone call)
Jackson Gibbs: Hello?
Gibbs: Merry Christmas, Dad.
Jackson Gibbs: Merry Christmas, Son.

Quinn: (Gibbs has driven Quinn to his daughters house) To much time has passed.
Gibbs: If I one wish for Christmas Day, it would be to hug my daughter. That can never be. But you have that chance.
Quinn: Thank you.
Abby: I don't know what to get anybody. What do you think Tony needs?
Gibbs: An attitude adjustment.
Abby: Gibbs, you're not helping.

Episode 6.12 "Caged"
McGee: Look, 2 days ago you told me my car would be ready yesterday and the bill was $270. Then yesterday, you told me my car would be ready today and the bill was $300. Now you;re telling me my car will be ready tomorrow?......How much?
Tony: 1 octave or 2?
Ziva: 2.
McGee: (with an elevated voice) $600?!

McGee: That's it! I'm finished! I'm done, alright! You want to know who killed Trimble, figure it out youselfs!
Inmate: ( to Lopez) See what you did!
Lopez: (pulls out a knife) Maybe you'll think differently if I tool your ear!
McGee: Look I've never hit a woman, but if you come at me with that thing I will drop you!

Tony: You okay, McGee?
McGee: Yeah.
Ziva: Did any of them hurt you McGee? I will kick their butts.
McGee: (answers his phone) McGee.You told me my car would be ready today.
Tony: One octave or two?
McGee: Listen up, because this is what you're going to do.You're gonna take the first estimate and reduce it by ten percent.Then you are going to find my part, install the part, and have my car parked out front and ready for me when I walk out of this building in thirty-two minutes.
Tony: Wow! Who knew McGee would grow a pair in a woman's prison.
McGee: I put away killers for a living.That's what I do.Now you do exactly as I told you to do and we won't have any problems, understood? Good.Clocks ticking. (Hangs up the phone)
Abby: Wow, McGee your time in the big house really changed you.I like it.

Ziva: There is no doubt in my mind you will get that confession, McGee.

McGee: Thank you, Ziva. (leaves)
Tony: He's toast, isn't he?
Ziva: Oh, yes. Burnt toast.

(Tony and Ziva walk into Abby's lab)
Abby: They haven't hurt McGee, have they?
Ziva: We have not heard anything.
Tony: (holds evidence box) Got something for ya, from the department... now we need to clear this stuff by sunset.
Abby: Define 'before sunset'!
Tony: Before the sun goes down. (Abby grabs the box and heads to table)
Abby: The sun sets at around 5:02. So, does that mean we have until five oh one?
Ziva: Before... sunset.
Abby: That could be now. Not good enough! I can't take this. Every time you guys go out, and.. I don't know if you're gonna make it back...and, developing this weird little, twitch....
Ziva: Our work is sometimes dangerous, Abby.
Abby: Then get a safer job.
Tony: Then you wouldn't see us at all...
Abby: True. Still... sucks!

McGee: What?
Tony: It's just, you gotta have the stuff, be tough, know when to bluff.
McGee: So, I have to be a really bad poet?
Tony: I call my style 'Tough-Bluff'. It's hyphenated.
McGee: Really? 'Blow Hard' seems more appropriate. That is not hyphenated.

Tony: I'm guessing that you got more than your fair share of wedgies as a kid.
McGee: I can be tough when I have to be. (Tony and Ziva give him a look) What?
Ziva: Nothing. I mean, you do have your... strengths.
Tony: And weaknesses, but remember that people can be loved as much for their weaknesses as for their strengths.
Gibbs: Well, then DiNozzo, you must be one very loved man.
Tony: Thank you for noticing, boss.

Ziva: She was not smiling at you Tony.
Tony: Ziva, some men can hit a baseball at 400 feet, other build rocket ships that sail to the stars; I can spot a woman's smile at 20 yards.
Ziva: Her name is Hannah and she's asked me out to lunch twice.
Tony: You?!
Ziva: Did your rocket ship just take a nosedive?
Tony: No it just landed on a different planet.

McGee: First thing- I'm going to have to find the murder weapon. I'm going to have to frisk you.
Woman Convict: Frisk who?
McGee: All of you. Who wants to be first?

Ziva: Get anything?
Tony: Yeah. An offer. Maybe his tech advisor on his next film. It's about a psycho sex-crazed cop.
McGee: LIfe and Times of Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo.

Ducky: (Examining a body) Cuts across the upper torso. He's been stabbed multiple times. (Ducky looks at a hand of the body) He's missing a middle finger. Appears to be sawed off.
Gibbs: The other hand too, Duck.
Ducky: [Ducky looks at the other hand) Anything else you care to tell me about this fellow, Jethro?
Gibbs: Dead 11 years.
Ducky: And?
Gibbs: And I know who did it.

Gibbs: [after getting a call] Maryland's Women's Prison! Let's go.
Abby Wait! That's where McGee is. Is everything okay?
[Gibbs stares at her]
Abby: Everything's not okay.
[Gibbs moves past her]
Abby: Wait! What happened? Gibbs!
Gibbs:[Gibbs goes back to Abby] Abby, I'll call you. All right?

McGee: Well, you seemed to have taken responsibility for you crimes.
Judy: It's a mixed blessing. First few years here, I was angry at everybody. Blamed the world for my crappy childhood. Then I got in a Prison Program, training seeing-eye dogs. One day I'm training this puppy, and it hits me. I killed an innocent person who didn't do any harm... Now I can't wait until the day I die. So I can find that soul and apologize for the terrible thing I did... Look I don't know if Celia did what they say. But if she did, I don't know what it'll take for her to face up to it.
Episode 6.13 "Broken Bird"
Abby: Wanna talk knives?
Ziva: Always.

Abby: Ducky!
Ducky: Abby? Oh, how kind of you to visit.
Abby: Oh. They gave you morphine.
Ducky: Just a drop.
Gibbs: Duck, anything you remember? About the attack?
Ducky: Oh! My glasses! (Gibbs takes them from his pocket, opens them, and puts them on Ducky.)
Ducky: Oh, Sweetie! You held onto them for me while I went under the knife. It's ironic that the solution to one knife should be . . .. Mr. Palmer would, would you, uh, finish that thought for me?
Jimmy: Sure, Doctor.
Ducky: Oh! And you need to send for a substitute M.E. Uh, Jordan...
Jimmy: Dr. Hampton?
Ducky: Yes. On my desk you'll find her number. While I myself lay here getting much number. (chuckle) Nurse! More anesthetic! And don't spare the horses!
Abby: Okay. He's zonked out of his gourd and he's still playing with words. Impressive!

Abby: I heard about your shipment from home. I was kind of shocked.
McGee: Big surprise. I was a dork.
Abby: That's not what I meant.
McGee: You may not have noticed, but it took a lot of work to outgrown those awkward, geeky phases.
Abby: I like your geeky parts.
McGee: I do too, but I want to be more than just a walking search engine, you know? The tricky thing is adding the new layers. . .
Abby: . . .without losing some of the old ones. I get that.
McGee: Then what are you shocked at?
Abby: I can't believe you were a Mac guy.

McGee: (seeing a package on his desk) Oh, goody, they're here!
Tony: Goody? Who says goody?!
Ziva: What is it?
McGee: (pulling out an old computer) This is my Mac SE. Got it for my eleventh birthday. She's my first!
Tony: This is going to get really strange, isn't it?
Ziva: Going to?

Gibbs: Mr. Kort, Agency's keeping you local?
Kort: Travel is touchy at the moment. I've made a few enemies overseas.
Gibbs: What? With your winning personality?
Kort: When you finally open that charm school, let me know.

Gibbs: I need a favor.
Kort: Gibbs, I don't like you.
Gibbs: That's okay, I don't like you either.

McGee: Why are you talking so fast?
Tony: Want to get a plan of attack together because according to my internal Gibbs clock, he's about to walk through that door right... Now!... Now!...
(Looks around for Gibbs)
Tony: Huh?
Ziva: Somebody's clock is off.

Gibbs: Are you going to make me ask again?
Ducky: I suppose it's inevitable. When we've reached the tipping point when your curiosity outweighs your courtesy.
Gibbs: What the h***'s wrong with you Ducky? Your life is in the balance here! Huh? What did you do there?
Ducky: Only what was required of me.
Gibbs: Are you protecting this guy?
Ducky: I am protecting no one Jethro. Look if you intend to unravel strings further on this matter, I would prefer you leave them unpulled.
Gibbs: No.
Episode 6.14 "Love and War"
Tony: I think you have me confused with someone who is far less awesome.

Ziva: You have to tell him the truth.
Tony: Maybe. Not until I'm absolutely sure lying won't work.

McGee: We're trying to make a connection between Jennings and his killer.
Brandon Sykes. But we hit a dead end.
No pun intended?
Actually, it was.
Well, in that case, nicely done.

(Tony and Ziva are argueing on their phones at the same time)
Tony: I already rebooted the system, Frank! Twice!
Ziva: Four hours! That is how long I waited for the cable repair man!
Tony: You've already said that sentence!
Ziva: Four hours!
Tony: No, I will not reboot again! I will never reboot it again!
Ziva: Reschedual? So you can waste another Saturday?!
Tony: Just admit that you have no idea how to fix the problem and then we can both get on with our lives!
Tony/Ziva: (both slaming their phones down) Ugh!
Ziva: Someon will die today.

Ziva: It is nice when a couple has so much in common.Like McGee and his new sorceress friend.
Tony: Oh, yeah, I was gonna talk to you about that.It's kinda funny actually.Uh, lets see, how do I put this delicatly? Um, she......she's not real.
Ziva: You did not.
Tony: I did.I was bored, it was late, I just watched Weird Science.Next thing I knew I was building a fake online profile and IMing with McGee.
Ziva: He really likers her, Tony.You have to tell him.
Tony: I know.It's actullay kinda flattering in a creepy way.
Ziva: What's you think would happen?
Tony: I didn't know.The flaw in the plan was the plan.But I got another plan to end it.
Ziva: Which is?
Tony: You ever Fatal Attraction?

Tony: Speaking of love, how's the cyber romance going, McGee?

McGee: Couldn't be worse.She sent me another email, says she's getting back together with her ex boyfriend.
Tony: Oh.
McGee: Tell you what though, I'm not givin' up on her. (Tony looks at him) No, we got to much in common.I think she might be scared, but you know what, we can work through it.I'm tellin' ya' I think this girl might really be the one.
(Tony and McGee both reach for the last piece of pizza)
Tony: Take it.
McGee: Really?
Tony: Sure.
McGee: Thanks.Hey, listen, I hate to ask......
Tony: Sure, I remember.Forty dollars with interest.Sorry I took so long. (gives him the money and starts to leave) Alright, see you guys later.
Ziva: I didn't tell you so you could torture him, McGee. (he gives her part of the money) Very well.

Gibbs: What do you got Abs?
Abby: 1989's Christmas nightmare for every parent.The unattainable....
Gibbs: Beary Smyles.
Abby: My dad waited in line two hours for one on Black Friday.
Gibbs: Six......Christmas Eve.

Tony: It's like I said 'It's always the maid.'
Ziva: No. You have said 'It's always the janitor, or the butler, or anyone assigned to Abby's lab' But you have never once said 'maid'. Tony: Anyone ever tell you your memory can be a real buzzkill.

Gibbs: Who found the body?
LEO: A couple of kids in one of our warming huts, or as they like to call them--
Tony: Love shacks.
LEO: Yeah, how'd you know?
Tony: Lucky guess.
LEO: (sarcastically) Mmmh Mmmmh.

Tony: The sadness I hear when you talk like this. You don't know who these people are. It could be a 45 year-old overweight man in Minnesota. I mean like you said, you two haven't even met yet.
McGee: What part of 'Level 5 sorceress' don't you understand?
Gibbs: (Entering) All of it.

Tony: All right! One more time and I'm going to rip that Bear's head off!... AGAIN!
Beary Smiles: Gear up DiNozzo. Got a body in Quantico.
Tony: Don't mess with me!
Episode 6.15 "Deliverance"
Gibbs: Gang tattoos
Ziva: Or pecados Capitales
Tony: Capitol Fish
Ziva: Deadly Sins, you idiot. Fish is pescado.
Tony: Don't scoff at me. Lots of gangs are named after deadly fish. There's the Sharks, there's the Barracudas...Rumble Fish.
Franks: Got a plane to catch.
Tony: Eighteen years ago.Columbia.Gibbs was doing drug interdeiction down there.Tomas is eighteen, from Columbia.Knows Gibb's Marine Service Number.
Franks: Question.
Tony: Is Gibbs Tomas's father?
Franks: Tell Probie, 'thanks for the lend'. (hands his tie to Tony and leaves)

Tony: Oh, it could have been that girl I met at the concession stand while my date was in the bathroom.
Ziva: You need a secretary.
McGee: Or a therapist.
Gibbs: Or both!

Ducky: You've never left the scene of a crime before I arrived until this case, Jethro.
Gibbs: Yeah, had something else to do.
Ducky: Something to do with your Marine Corp Service number?
Vance: (enters) I was wondering the same thing myself... You're avoiding me.
Gibbs: I've been busy solving a murder, Leon. When I have something you'll be the first to know.

Gibbs: I've got nothing to hide, Leon.
Vance: Everybody's got something to hide!

Franks: Let me talk to that kid, I'll get him to tell us what the h***'s going on here.
Gibbs: I'm afraid I can't do that, Mike. I let him go.
Franks: You what?
Gibbs: You wanna find something, you follow it. Learned that one from you.

Gibbs: It'll lead us to the truth.
Franks: (he scoffs) The truth.
Gibbs: Yeah! Which you should have told me seventeen years ago!

Vance: You just shot somebody Franks!
Franks: Yeah, all by the book Leon. Retired Agent involved shooting. That's still a form KJ-65, right? Nice talking to you Leon. (ends the call)

Franks:(During interrogation) Once a Marine always a Marine or once a PC always a PC!

Abby: about Gibbs' service number being found at the crime scene) That's like shining the Bat-symbol and Batman showing up.

Tony: (about Gibbs) So he's down in Columbia, in Bogota, he saves President Clinton's life, but no one can talk about it because it's super-secret.
McGee: Clinton did not serve until '93.
Ziva: Stop obsessing!
Tony: I'm not obsessing. I'm a little preoccupied. I'm a tad fascinated by the whole subject, but I am not obsessing ... What was he doing in Columbia 17 years ago?

Episode 6.16 "Bounce"
(Gibbs phone rings.He hands it too Tony)
Tony: Yes?
Ducky: Jethro, come down a moment.....
Tony: Oh, hey Ducky.
Ducky: Tony?
Tony: Yeah, I'll be right down.
(Hands the phone back to Gibbs)
Gibbs: Keep it.
Tony: Ziva, I want all the transcripts from Remmy's embezlement file.McGee, Interveiws.If he worked with 'em, you're talking to 'em.Gibbs........good campfire.

McGee: We've got two embezlors.One of them trahsed, litteraly.Why?
Ziva: Maybe his parter got greedy and wanted all the money.
McGee: But the theft was three years ago.What took them so long?
Ziva: Well.......
Gibbs: Maybe he got scared.Found out his partner was going to meet the federal agent from the orinal case.It wasn't DiNozzo, but the killer didn't know that.So if I'm him, I'm wondering why my buddy is meeting with a federal agent.Maybe he's gonna flip on me.Can't if he's dead.There's your motive.We just need our killer.
Tony: (walking in) We may have found him.Abby just matched a print fom Renny's hotel room to one of his former co-workers.Carl Davis.
Gibbs: Gear up! (notices McGee and Ziva staring at him) What?
McGee: Nothing, it's just we've never heard you talk so much in a day, Boss.
Ziva: Or in a week!
Gibbs: Wasn't my job before.

Tony: Save the pep-talk.We both know I screwed up.
Gibbs: Yeah.Three years ago.And now you're making it right...........and me proud.You've been doing........a hell of a job, Anthony.

Ducky: Haven't seen anything quite like this since Vegas, '99. Cirque du Soleil. Mother and I caught two shows in one evening. She's an admirer, to say the least.
Mr. Palmer: Aren't we all.
Ducky: Not like my mother. She had an infatuation for one of the tumblers. For quite some time.
Mr. Palmer: Mark or Ignazio?
(Ducky gives Mr. Palmer a look that's a cross between horror and disbelief)
Mr. Palmer: Yeah, I, I followed Ignazio's career for some time.
Gibbs: Why don't you quit while you're behind, Palmer?
Mr. Palmer: Quitting, sir. I will go get the gurney.
(Tony is sitting at his desk, mixing some concotion in a mug and looking run down)
Ziva: Good morning, Tony.
(Tony looks confused and after a moment pulls out an ear plug)
Tony: Oh.
McGee: Well, haven't seen that bad boy in while.You had a ruff night?
Tony: (after a moment) Yes.
McGee: (explaing to Ziva) Yes, the people from Tokyo, few of our counterparts were visiting from Japan.Director Vance had Tony show 'em around.
Tony: Sake Bombs.
Ziva: Oh, I see.
Tony: I barely made it out of there alive.
Ziva: (refering to the concotion) And now you hope to finish the job.
Tony: McGee, say words.
McGee: What you see before you Ziva is the DiNozzo Defibillator.It's been passed down through six generation.
Ziva: My family also has a hangover remedy.Jasmine tea with lime.
Tony: That's discusting.Remind me never to have a hangover in Isreal.
Gibbs: (entering) DiNozzo.....
Tony: Not that I have a hangover now, Boss.You know I would never drink on a school night.
Gibbs: Where were ya' last night?
Tony: Drinking.
Gibbs: You alone?
Tony: Of course not. (pause) Not that there's anything wrong with drinking Bourban alone in you basement with a boat.

Tony: McGee...
McGee: What?
Tony: Victim's background, credit cards, bank statement. Gibbs, take a look at Renny's appeal, use it to catch yourself up on the original embezzlement case. Then work with McGee.
Gibbs: On it, Boss.
Ziva: [to Gibbs] Are you going back to Mexico?
Gibbs: No.
McGee: Rule number 38?
Gibbs: Mmm-hmm.

Tony: The burning Bed. 1984 Farrah Fawcett.
Gibbs: Torched her husband while he was sleeping. Second wife's favorite movie.
Tony: Maybe Commander Davis's wife is going for a sequel.
McGee: [he enters] Hell hath no fury...
Gibbs: Like a woman scorned. Third wife's favorite quote.

McGee: [Reading a note] 'Paid a Private Investigator to follow my wife. Just thought you should know what he found.'
Tony: The other husband how kind of him. What did they say?
Gibbs: Misery loves company.
Tony: Where did you get that? Your fourth wife?

Gibbs: Problems?
Tony: No, everything's peachy.Nothing I like more than putting an inoccent man in prison except of course, for getting him killed.
Gibbs: Hmm, Renny's dead? I hadn't heard that.
Tony: Save the pep talk, we both know I screwed up.
Gibbs: Yeah, three years ago....But now you're making it right....And me proud... You've been doing....a hell of a job, Anthony. Until about three minutes ago. Get your head on right.
Tony: What would you like me to do?
Gibbs: Trust your gut.
Tony: I think I'd rather trust yours right now.
Gibbs: [getting in Tony's face] Then give me my d*** phone back!
(they stare at each other a moment and Abby walks up)
Abby: Hope i'm not interupting anything and if i am I hope someone's gonna tell me about it.
(Tony and Gibbs stare at each other another moment) Tony: Watch'a got Abs?
(Gibbs gives him a proud grin)
Gibbs: (walking away) Checkin the road blocks, boss.

(About Tony interogation a suspect)
McGee: Betcha five bucks, Tony does the chair toss technique.
Ziva: Mm, ten he switches to strong silent.
Gibbs: Nah, twenty he's gonna do the picutre tear.

Tony: Three years ago when you took your Mexican sabbatical... intermission? It was a hiatus really.

Tony: Hey! Talk to me Abs. Here you go. (hands her a Caf-Pow)
Abby: Thank you, Gibbs.
Tony: Abby.
Abby: I was just examining the evidence from the murder scene, Gibbs.
Tony: Abby.
Abby: The room was luckily really clean. Because you know hotel rooms can be a forensic scientist's biggest nightmare, Gibbs.
Tony: Abby! I'm not Gibbs.
Abby: Yes you are. Because if you're not there's a problem. And after Sister Rosita sprained her ankle in the sixth frame and Mr. Giggles escaping...
Tony: Mr. Giggles?
Abby: Stay on topic, Gibbs.
Tony: I'm not Gibbs!
Abby: Ok. Tell me. I can take it.
Tony: He's just upstairs.
Abby: Wait! No I can't.
Tony: Rule thirty-eight.
Abby: Oh!

Abby: I am cooking up some awesomeness.
Tony: Awesome me!

McGee: Who'd wanna impersonate Tony?
Ziva: Perhaps Jack Nicholson. You know, impersonation revenge?
McGee: Or it's a frame-up.
Ziva: Jeanne Benoit?
McGee: Overseas. Maybe it was Trent Kort.
Ziva: Are you detecting a trend here?
McGee: Tony does have a way with people.

Tony: Don't believe the word he says. We've got motive, we've got opportunity.
Gibbs: Ahah.
Tony: I know. Why'd he come back?
Gibbs: It's a good question... Boss.
Tony: Boss?!
Gibbs: Was your case, wasn't it?
Tony: Yeah. You're not going back to Mexico, are you?
Gibbs: Your case, your lead.
Tony: Really?
Gibbs: Yeah. I think it's even a rule.

Tony: Well, that's my name, it's not my signature. But that's my name. And to think I almost made entire year without being accused of murder.
Desk Clerk: The guy did look a lot like you.
Tony: Not helping.
Desk Clerk: Was a little more fit though.

Tony: You missed me, Renn, is that it? Just couldn't stay away?
Renny: Missed alot of things. My family, my girl. You not so much.
Gibbs: Yeah, well, here you are.
Renny: And nothing has changed. Except for the grey hair.
Tony: He! Show some respect. HIs name is Special Agent Gibbs.
Renny: Actually, I was talking about you.
Episode 6.17 "South by Southwest"
Tony: (Unable to control horse going in a circle) I think he's lost a contact.

Sheriff Boyd: You know, you might want to let go of that horn, junior. Riding a horse is like making love, you've gotta realax and enjoy it.
Tony: Sheriff, I've got a strong feeling that you and I enjoy both activities in really different ways. No disrespect.
Tony: Can you get nerve damage on your buttocks?
Gibbs: You're going to feel worse in the morning.
Tony: Don't say that, boss.

Cop: Special Agent Gibbs. Got a woman who insists on talking to you. Claims she's with NCIS. Real weirdo, wearing a Dracula cape and a dog collar. (chuckles slightly) Like she'd be with you.
(Gibbs looks over and sees Abby)
Gibbs: She is.
Cop: You serious?
Gibbs: Oh yeah, let her in.

Tony: Why don't we take the four-wheeler? You know, the rental.
Boyd: You can't get up there in a vehicle. Only way is horses.
Tony: (to Gibbs) Why don't we requisition a helicopter... Or not. If the government spent that kind of money every time we interviewed somebody, they'd go broke.
Boyd: The government is broke.

Ziva: You did not change when your books made you plush.
McGee: Flush. Thanks Ziva. But it really wasn't that much. Bought my car, bought some clothes. What was leftover I put in a hedge fund which just crashed.
Ziva: Sorry. So that is why you have been so distracted lately.
McGee: It shows, huh?

McGee: Boss, we got a problem. Barthomew Leming from OHS is here.
Gibbs: What's the problem?
McGee: It's the real Barthomew Lemming. The guy we've been dealing with is an imposter.

Episode 6.18 Knockout

Tony: John Patrick Shanley, who wrote and directed Joe Vs. Volcano, won an Acadamy Award for Moonstruck.He also wrote and directed the movie Doubt.Which came out recently, it's pretty good.But in the middle there, clearly, there was a goofy phase...
(Gibbs slaps him on the back of the head)
Tony: I forgot what that feels like.It's been a while since.....
Gibbs: I know.
Tony: physical contact.
Gibbs: I.Know.
Tony: You know? You know. Any advice?
(Gibbs slaps him again)
Gibbs: Snap out of it.
Tony: I have no response to that.

Abby: It's a bird feather, there were some stuck in his belt buckle as well. Maybe it got lodged when he was in the water. (shrugs shoulders)
Palmer: It's not likely he was shot by a bird.

Ziva: You can't make an omelet without breaking some legs.
Tony: You're never making me breakfast.

Gibbs: Abs, what do you got?
Abby: I am not at liberty to discuss the details of Director Vance's case with you. And I would certainly hope that you wouldn't try to bribe me.
Gibbs: I wouldn't do that.
Abby: Because I can't say a word about the five slugs that Ducky pulled out of Owens' body. Not that there's a word to say, 'cause I don't even know of these .45 cal S&Ws are a match to the weapon that was found in the deceased's pocket. Not that I would tell you if they are. I'm assuming that your curiosity is for educational purposes. After Ducky does the autopsy we should be able to calculate how long the accumulated post mortem gases took to counteract the weight that kept Owens submerged.

Tony: (standing up on desk, yelling) Excuse me! K listen up everybody, I need your full attention here. Lenny, Squiggy, Q-Tip, Q-Bert, Bungo Straight, Vertical Bill, can you hear me back there? Oh hi Natalie, hi. You look very nice today. (resumes yelling) I have lost my wallet. So, if you've seen it, please return it to me. There will be no judgment, maybe even a small reward.
(everyone goes back to work and Tony sees Gibbs standing next to his desk)
Tony: Hi boss, I lost my....You're going to say mind or marbles...
Gibbs: Job.

Gibbs: (in sign language) "Full background check".
Abby: (in sign language) "For you, anything".
Gibbs: (in sign language) "I love you".

Episode 6.19 "Hide and Seek"
Abby: It's kind of funny, a non postal worker going postal on a postal worker. Not funny like ha-ha funny, but funny like comically, absurdly, amusing funny. Like ironic. Comedy is-is very subjective.

Ziva: I do not know, Tony. It is a miracle of science.
Tony: It is! It's the weirdest thing! Why doesn't the glue stick to the inside of the bottle? You must know this. McGeek! Why?
McGee: Not now.
Tony: If not now, when?
McGee: Two minutes, twenty-nine seconds.
Tony: What are you up to, McSneaky? <walks over to McGee's desk to see> Oooh! Robert Forgan hickory shafted hand forged irons. Aren't those the same clubs that Ducky has?
McGee: Had. I borrowed them and actually backed over them with the golf cart before I made it to the first tee.
Tony: Eeehh.
Ziva: Did you tell Ducky?
Tony: Are you kidding? If he told Ducky, he'd end up on one of his autopsy tables!
McGee: I'm going to tell Ducky once I successfully win a replacement set.
Ziva: Perhaps if you just explained . . .
Tony: That you destroyed a set of handmade clubs given to Ducky by some Scottish nobleman? Yeah. Good luck with that.

Gibbs: Time of death?
Ducky: Taking a liver temp was out of the question.
Gibbs: Uh-huh. Too much time.
Ducky: Not enough liver. I suspect coyotes. You know, when I was a child I used to love liver. Mother would cook the liver of almost anything.
Gibbs: Duck?
Ducky: Well, that was her favorite. I preferred calves liver. You know, 'alla veneziana' with the onions.
Gibbs: Time of death?

Ziva: Tony!
Tony: Sh! In a sec. Securely hidden in the shadows the cunning marksman waits patiently for the proper time to strike. (slams on the enter key of his keyboard, whirring noises, and then manical laughter) You are looking at the proud owner of a vintage set of Robert Forgan hand crafted mint condition golf clubs.

McGee: That's impossible!
Tony: (puts his screen display on the plasma) Nothing is impossible. I'm a sniper.
Gibbs: Same exact set Ducky had?
Tony: $1,200 for the clubs. Um, let's say a $100 finder's fee, McGee?
Gibbs: Except Ducky's a righty.
Tony: Huh?
McGee: These are left-handed clubs, Tony.
Tony: Huh?
McGee: You just wasted 1,200 bucks.
Tony: No! (reads across the screen to left-handed) Oooh. (thinks for a moment) Maybe Ducky swings both ways? (no response) 1,000 bucks and they're yours!
McGee: Why would I buy a set of clubs that Ducky could not use?
Tony: Why? Oh gee, let me think. I don't know. Maybe because if you don't buy them I will tell Ducky that you destroyed his one-of-a-kind hand crafted hickory shafted vintage golf clubs.
Gibbs: I think you just did.
(camera moves back to reveal Ducky standing there)
Ducky: (audible sigh as he moves in to speak to McGee) Let's call it even, Timothy. That jazz guitar album that I borrowed from you?
McGee: My original vinyl pressing of Django Reinhardt's Crazy Rhythms?
Ducky: Yeah. You were right. It was unique. It was original.
McGee: It was autographed. What happened to it?
Ducky: Good question. (turns and leaves)

McGee: I can find an H-waffle double zigzag waffle; I can find a double zigzag H-waffle double zigzag, but not a zigzag double H-waffle zigzag.
Tony: I see a fish riding a unicorn.

Ziva: This reminds me of the forests I used to have fun in as a child.
Tony: I find that hard to believe.
Ziva: What, that Isreal had forests?
Tony: No, that you had fun as a child.
Ziva: Oh, sure. My father used to blindfold us, take us to the middle of the forest, and then we had to find our way out by ourselves. Tony: I stand corrected.

Gibbs: How was the pawn shop?
Ziva: I hit a stone wall.
Tony: It's a brick wall.
Ziva: No, it was a stone wall. I backed up too quickly.

Abby: (about the music) If I keep listening to this, I'm gonna turn into a psycho killer.

(Abby walks in holding coffee)
Abby: Gear up.
(Team looks at her strangely)
Tony: You're not Gibbs.
Abby: There's a gun found, Navy based housing.
McGee: Abby that doesn't warrant a team call out. A, there are thousands of guns on the Navy base...
Tony: And B, you're not Gibbs.
Abby: Okay, what if I told you that the base MP's gave me the gun to test?
McGee: Doesn't warrant a team call out.
(team shakes their heads)
Abby: And the gun was found under a kid's bed. And it was loaded.
Ziva: Still does not warrant a call out.
(Abby sips coffee)
Abby: Ergh.And it was recently fired.
Tony: It's not a call out.
(Gibbs walks in)
Gibbs: You heard the lady, gear up.
(They all get up)
Abby: They only listen to their master, Gibbs. Only you can crack the whip.
(hands over Gibbs coffee)
Abby: Only you can drink this swill.
Tony: It's just a gun at a Navy base, boss.
Gibbs: There's brain matter on the barrel, DiNozzo. Somebody shot someone in the head with that weapon.
Tony: You left that part out Abby.
(All leave except Abby)
Abby: That's right people, mush!
(Abby pretends to crack whip)

Zane: (about a shaped tree) There's Travis' naked woman!
Tony: (looking around) Where?!

McGee: (Speaking of a magazine) You know what my father would've done to me if he found this in my room?
Tony: Stolen it back?
McGee: Slap me in the side of the head with it.
Tony: That sounds vaguely familiar.

Abby: (imitating Gibbs) Ziva, pull case files from Norfolk PD. Find out who bought that gun.
(Ziva dosn't move)
Gibbs: You heard her.
(Ziva looks at Gibbs, then at Abby and does as he said)
Abby: I could get used to this.
Gibbs: (as he passes her) Don't.

Gibbs: Something on fire?
Abby: No. I'm just burning sage to take the hex off the gun. It's got some bad mojo. And I want to get rid of it before the babies are born. (Abby sighs) It's an evil gun, Gibbs. This gun... kills people.
Gibbs: Abs...
Abby: I know what you're going to say, guns don't kill people, people kill people. But this gun kills people!

Ziva: Why is it always the case that when two people struggle over a gun, one person never shoots the other? The gun miraculously just goes off.
Gibbs: Abby said it was an evil gun.

Episode 6.20 "Dead Reckoning"
Abby: It's playtime, McGee.
Abby: Please don't fire me Gibbs. Or send me to jail. But if I could pick, I'd choose fired. Or not.
Tony: In a tragic story of obbsesive hobbying turned deadly a NCIS agent was discovered in his basment crushed between a large homemade boat and a even larger bottle of bourbon.Film at 11.

Tony:Oh we're taking tips from Trent Kort.Why don't we just run with scissors or talk to strangers maybe they have some candy
Trent:Go to hell DiNozzo
Tony:Feels like we're half way there.

Trent: Status on the Borealis.
Tony: It's a boat and it's missing.Status on you is you're really irrating I wish you were missing.
Tony: I see your lips moving but all I hear is lie lie lie.

Tony: That visitor's badge only gets you in the lobby. It's not a backstage pass. I tell you what, though. What you can do is run downstairs to the gift shop and get yourself something nice--like a mug, or a t-shirt, or a personality.

Kort: Need another gun?
Tony: Actually, we're out of vests but you can go commando if you want.
Gibbs: DiNozzo, get in the damn car!
Tony: Getting in the car, Boss!

Perey: Any word on my immunity?
Tony: Well, I hear zinc lozenges help. You might want to try vitamin C or echinacea. OH, you mean YOUR immunity? No!

Tony: Maybe he had an appointment: doctor, dentist. Check his calendar McGee
McGee: ...No. Soon as I start going through his stuff, he's gonna walk in a catch me. Forget it!
Ziva: I cannot believe it. I'll do it!
(Starts to go to Gibbs's desk, then pauses)
Ziva: Tony, watch the elevator. McGee the stairs. Now!

Tony: (about to track Gibbs's cellphone) Where is he?
McGee: Forget it he's gonna know.
Tony: How would he?
McGee: Because he knows everything.
Ziva: McGee do it. We need to know he's okay.
(McGee starts the search and DiNozzo's phone rings)
McGee: Two block area of Anacostia.
Tony: (Checking the caller ID on his phone) It's him.
McGee: We're dead.

Kort: Keep me on a short leash Gibbs?
Gibbs: Yeah, and a muzzle if I have to.
Kort: I thought we turned a corner in our relationship. You asked me for something, I asked you for something.
Gibbs: I didn't ask you turn up dirt on Vance.
Kort: But you read the file anyway.
Gibbs: No. I don't waste time on fiction.

Tony: (Hitmen have arrived) We gotta go?
Ziva: We are more vulnerable in transit. Take cover.
Perry: What's she gonna do?
Tony: You know, I don't really know.

Gibbs: Bank robberies from bad guys. Is that how the CIA finances their operations?
Kort: I'm just trying to get back in the starting line up.
Gibbs: It's possible you're more dangerous behind a desk.

Gibbs: You would've done things differently, Leon?
Vance: I would. I do...But in the last two minutes, you gotta let your quarterback call the plays. Nice win.

Tony: (to Ziva about Perry) I'm gonna kill this guy before Siravo does.

Abby: (discussing what is on a suspect's laptop) He was a killer gamer though! And he plays a boat load of sims. (looks at Gibbs) Translation video games. The rest is mostly spreadsheets, bank accounts, and porn. Spreadsheets and porn, that's two totally different things.
Gibbs: Yeah, I already know that.
Abby: Ok, I was just checking.

Abby: This is Caf-Pow country but yet there's no Caf-Pow anywhere.

Abby: (looking at a video game) Captains of Industry 3. The completely unnecessary third installment of the not so popular sequel.
McGee: (sarcastically) Capturing all the fun of being a corporate CEO and building your own business empire.
Abby: Not playtime, Elf Lord.
McGee: You got that right. COI3 was universally panned as '08's worst MMORPG.
Abby: It sucks! So why was Perry spending up to 7 hours a day playing it online.
McGee: He sucks.

Kort: Gibbs, what motivation would I ever have to mislead you? (Gibbs gives him a look) I respect that you're suspicious, caution is an asset in our line of work. Trust is elusive, at best.
Gibbs: No it's not, not between us- it's impossible. But I honor my debts.

(McGee walks into bullpen)
Tony: Oh, glad you could join us McTardy.
McGee: Where's the bossman? I need a superior to sign off on this.
Tony: Hand it over, I'm clearly superior to you in so many ways.
Episode 6.21 "Toxic"
Abby:(Walking into the observation room) Did I miss it?
Ziva: No he's letting him sit
Abby: SIT?! He gets a chair? He..he..kills bunnies!

FBI Agent: Abby Scuito?
Abby: Maybe?
McGee: (about a body) He looks cold.
Gibbs: Least of his problems, McGee.

McGee: Don't tell me she needs a root canal.
Gibbs: No.Fornell just calle.Abby's been.....reqested.
Tony: Requested?
Ziva: By.....?
Gibbs: He didn't know.He just said the FBI had orders to transport her.
McGee: Okay, I can access the FBI's operation's database.
Ziva: I have a contact in DOD.
Tony: BOLO on the FBI transport?
Gibbs: I don't know, I though maybe I'd just try calling her first.

Abby: Oh, I got Palmer's text about the vampire bite.I can't believe I'm not going to be there for that.Who are you going to get to fill in? Gibbs: Working on it.
Abby: Well, if you need anything before then, I keep a step-by-step Abby's Lab for Dummies in my desk.It covers the basics.A monkey could follow the instructions.
Gibbs: (looking at Tony) Good.Cause we got one of those.

Gibbs: That invitation extend to me too, Duck?
Ducky: Since when have you waited for an invitation? Don't answer that.I know you like to keep people on their toes.

Tony: (nodding to McGee) He'll clean it up.
McGee: We'll clean it up.
Palmer: They'll clean it up.
Abby: You'll all clean it up.

Jones: Agent Gibbs, I appreciate your concern for my missing colleague, but that's exactly why Miss Scutio has to stay here right now.You have to trust me on that.
Gibbs: I don't trust you.I don't know you!
Jones: I sympathsize with your position....
Gibbs: It's your choice, you either tell me what's going on or......
Jones: Or what? You'll threaten me?
Gibbs: Well, you know what? That depends.You consider a public investigation a threat?

Gibbs: Didn't build it to kill someone.
Tony: He built it to sell it.
Abby: Perfect.Hi, I'm Abby Scutio, international bioweapons dealer.

Ducky: ( to a body about Abby) You messed with the wrong forensic scientist.

Ziva: This is nice. Be able to work without Tony's incessant babbling. It's almost as if he cannot go on for more than 30 seconds without hearing the sound of his own voice. You know the truly amazing thing is that he fails to realize just how irritating he is to those around him.
Gibbs: Ziva.
Ziva: Yes, Gibbs?
Gibbs: Babbling.
Ziva: Oh.

Gibbs: Abby. Abs, are you okay?
Abby: Do I look okay? What is Abby's rule #1? Do not lie to Abby!
Abby: Aren't you going to give me a pep talk?
Gibbs: No.
Abby: Why?
Gibbs: Because you're p*****. And you should be.

Abby (to Major King): You look pretty good for a dead guy, except for the blood draining from your face.

Ziva: Tony, do you have to do that now?
Tony: It's spring. I'm spring-cleaning, so....yes!
Ziva: Spring-cleaning?
McGee: You don't have spring-cleaning in Isreal?
Ziva: We do not have spring. Israel is a desert.

Episode 6.22 "Legend Part 1 "

McGee: Tony, I'm not arguing with you.
Tony: You're arguing now.
McGee: No, I'm not.
Tony: Yes, you are.
McGee: This is not an argument.
Tony: Yes, it is.
McGee: No, it's not.
Tony: Yes, it is. (Ziva's phone rings) Hold on a second. (picks up the phone) Ziva's desk.She's not here.(Ziva walks in) Actually she is just walking in.(to Ziva) Man, deep voice,slightly accented, 6'3, two hundred pounds, Prada suit, italian shoes, standing on the north side of the street, looking for Ziva.
Ziva: (takes the phone) Thank you, Tony.
Tony: (to McGee) What were we arguing about before?
McGee: We were not arguing.
Tony: Oh, that.Yes, we were.
McGee: You understan that's what we were arguing about.The fact that you will argue about the least little thing, somethimes you argue about nothing at all, you just want to argue.
Tony: That's not arguing, McContrary.Com'on, have a little insight, it's called banter.
McGee: No it is not.Banter is light hearted, witty, repartary.
Tony: Go on.
McGee: It's your turn to get the coffee.Go.
Ziva: After out last trip to LA, I do not understand why you would think I would be such an eager platypus, Tony.
Tony: Beaver, eager beaver. Not platypus. (pause) Why does that bother me so much? Don't answer that! (Ziva's cell rings) Answer that!

Tony: Long distance can be hard. Tell a friend from Tel-Aviv?
Ziva: You're jealous.
Tony: I'm not jealous.
Ziva: Yes you are.
Tony: No I'm not, and I'm not arguing, boss.
McGee: Are to!
Tony: Am not!

Abby: Are you going somewhere?
Gibbs: Yeah. That's what I came down here to tell you. Los Angeles.
Abby: Into the lionesses den?!
Gibbs: (kisses her cheek) I'm taking McGee.
Abby: Gibbs. It's just last time you guys went to L.A. one of you didn't come back.
Gibbs: I'll bring him home, Abs. (leaves)
Abby: Just make sure you bring yourself back, too.

Vance: (Over an MTAC feed) You tell Gibbs to call me when he arrives.
Macy: You can tell him yourself.
(Gibbs enters)
Vance: Gibbs.
Gibbs: Hello Director Vance.
Vance: I know how excited you two are about working together. I told Sec Nav I have my best people on this case. A lot of nervous people at the Pentagon. Don't make me come out there.

Nate: (about Gibbs) You should have slept with him way back then. Whenever then was. I was probably in Elementary School, yeah.
Macy: How do you know I didn't?
Nate: I can tell you right now...
Macy: Don't answer that!
Nate: Okay. Cool.
Macy: You scare me.
Nate: Yep.
Macy: Leave.

Callen: Is there a reason we're not meeting in a bar right now?
Gibbs: Well yeah, it's 10 o'clock in the morning.
Callen: I don't know what's worse: getting older or getting wiser.

Macy: Why do you want to know?
Callen: Just looking out for my family
Macy: G, you don't have any family.
Callen: That's cold, Mace.
Macy: But true.
Callen: Gibbs is family... You too.

Callen: I'll just ask Gibbs about what happened.
Macy: Yeah, let me know if you do... I want to be there to see him sit you on your a**.

McGee: (about the tech equipment) Oh I really got to get one of these.
Sam:...You got problems.

Episode 6.23 "Legend Part 2"
(Abby's sitting at McGee's desk, which is now covered in balloons and decorations, when her cell phone rings.The ID says McGee)
Abby: It's him. It's Tim.He knows I'm sitting at his desk.
Tony: Tell him you're in your lab, he won't know.
Abby: Oh, he'll know, he knows everything.
Tony: He's not Gibbs.McGenious is smart, but he doesn't know everything.
Abby: (Answers the phone) Hi Tim.I'm not upstairs in the sqaudroom, I'm in my lab.I'm working.
McGee: Are you sitting at my desk?
Abby: Um...No.
McGee: Abby listen, last night you did a facial recognition search on Michael Rivken.Why?
Abby: What makes you think that?
McGee: You logged the seach.
Abby: I did? I did.
McGee: Did Tony ask you to do it?
Abby: (looks over at Tony who is now watching her curiously) Um, I'm not at liberty to say.
McGee: You are at my desk aren't you?
Abby: Yeah.
McGee: And Tony's watching you isn't he.?
Abby: Yeah.
McGee: Can I talk to Tony please?
Abby: Okay. (to Tony) It's for you you.It's McGoo.McGee, it's him. (to McGee) Sorry, McGee. (hands the phone to Tony)
Tony: (Trying to 'help' Abby) Ignore her, Probie.She's suffering from Gibbs withdrawl, transfering it onto you because of a deep seated fear that Gibbs may withold love and give her a first time headslap if he came back and saw his desk bestowed in balloons and decorated like some tacky tiki bar, with messges of affection written possibly in blood.She ain't missing you at all! In fact I can't think of a single person who's missing you.
(Abby gives him a thumbs-up for the help.)
Ziva: Are you jealous?
Tony: (pause) No. I'm worried. Because you don't seem to understand that your secret friend is interfering with this agency's ability to shut down a terrorist cell!
Ziva: Interfering? How is he interfering?
Tony: He's already killed two suspects.
Ziva: Well, in my country that would be cause for celebration.
Tony: You're not in your country and neither is he!

Tony: Are we fighting?
Ziva: If we were you would be on the floor bleeding.
Tony: Okay, I accept that as a likely outcome.

Macy: Officer David was sent back to Israel last year.
Gibbs: Are you asking me do I trust her? Because the answer is yes, with my life.
Nate: You worked a case together?
Macy: You could say that. It was a JAG-man investigation. A murder. I was the lead investigator.
Nate: And Gibbs?
Macy: Gibbs was the suspect.

Eric: Every phone call, credit card transaction, internet search, all swallowed up and stored on hard drives so people can troll them for personal information.
McGee: You mean like we're doing now?
Eric: Yeah, that's okay cause we work for the government. Got a National Security letter to prove it.

Macy: Where the h*** are you going?
Gibbs: I'll let you know when I get there.

Rivkin: We fight the same fight. Only ours began at Auswitz.I have 6six million uniforms. Every one is different.
Gibbs: I got one.
(Rivki goes to his car)
Gibbs: Ziva David. She works for me.
Rivkin: Shalom.

Episode 6.24 "Semper Fidelis"
Tony: Isn't that right Ziva? (Tony and Yates look around for Ziva) Where'd she go?
(Ziva is in the tree)
Ziva: A few branches are missing up here.
Tony: Oh.
Ziva: Clear view of the property, could study the view of the patrol pattern. They go in, he goes up, then he goes out...(Ziva points in the opposite direction to Tony and Yates) That gate. (Ziva's cell rings) Ooh. It's McGee.
McGee: Hey, Gibbs want you guys to come back.
Ziva: I'm up a tree.
McGee: Well, this might only confuse you further.
Ziva: Oh, well who said I was confused?
McGee: You said you were up a tree.
Ziva: I am.
Tony: Why is he calling you and not me, I'm the senior field agent.
Ziva: I don't know why he's not calling you Tony.
McGee: I did call him...
Ziva: He's not making any sense.
McGee:'re the one not making sense.
Ziva: He said he called you.
(Tony checks his phone)
Tony: I'm not getting a signal. How come you're getting a signal and I'm not?
Ziva: Because, I'm up a tree!
McGee: Oh...
Tony: Oh...We solve cases all the time like this.
Fornell: Heads of the CIA , FBI , ICE.
McGee: That's a full bowl of alphabet soup, huh?
Fornell: Not all of them.Which letters you got on your badge, McGee?

McGee: So what did Fornell and Gibbs have to say?
Yates: They were just apologizing for implying that I might be a murder.
McGee: You're kidding? They were?
Yates: Yes.
McGee: Both of them?
Yates: That so shocking?
McGee: Well, uh, you know, might take a---a while to fully grasp the significance of that.
Yates: Okay, explain it to me.I've got no plans.
McGee: All right.Did Gibbs actully say the words 'I'm sorry'?

Davenport: You and Leon gotta play nice.
Gibbs: You ordering me to trust him?
Davenport: Just to follow him...We don't hit our brothers.

Abby: The bug stomp. Classic movie move. Sounds like a Tony.
McGee: Nah. It was a Jules.
Abby: A Jules? What is a Jules? I'm going to have a word with this Jules if we ever have the good fortune of meeting.
McGee: I'd like to be here for that.

Gibbs: 'Intelligence summit?'
Fornell: Seems like a classic contradiction in terms. Don't give me the look. I didn't know.
Gibbs: You had suspicions?
Fornell: Because you had suspicions. I'm riding shotgun here, Gibbs.
Gibbs: Mind if I borrow it?
Fornell: Go easy, Hoss. She was just doing what she was told.

Abby: You probably know some kind of... martial arts or something, huh?
Yates: When I was in High School, my mother was the ambassador to Bangkok. I fell in love with Muay Thai.
Abby: So if I tried to scratch you eyes out... you could probably break my fingers.
Yates: That would be a mistake. You need your fingers to fix the bug.
Abby: (she walks away, and says quietly to McGee) And in my own lab.

(Tony is watching Ziva leave)
Gibbs: Rule number eleven, DiNozzo.
Tony: I would never date a coworker, Boss. Trust me. I mean, why would you even... (sees Gibbs smirking) That's twelve. Eleven... when the job is done, walk away.

Tony: Ladies and Gentlemen, the amazing Dr Donald 'Ducky' Mallard. The first and only M.E. under the big top.

Ziva: This is turning into a circus.
(FBI arrives)
Tony: Here come the clowns.
Gibbs: Medical examiner's here.
Davenport: Great. NCIS takes the lead. Supported by FBI, ICE. CIA can go home. My house, my rules.

Gibbs: [Gibbs and Fornell barging unannounced into Leon's office.] We need to know what they were discussing.
Vance: Please come right in.

Fornell: It's crucial to the investigation.
Davenport: Suppose it goes to motive.
Gibbs: [Quickly turning around, sees SecNav.] Yes it does, Mr. Secretary.

Gibbs: NCIS wasn't represented.
Davenport: I was there.

Davenport: [After Gibbs hands Davenport Leon Vance's unopened CIA file previously given to Gibbs by Trent Kort]. Well, let's see what the CIA's got on Leon Vance ... I thought we shredded all these. [Quick shot of the same page that Leon shredded from his own file at the end of last season.]

Davenport: How does this thing keep finding its way into the open? It's not even real. Lucky you didn't read this. Wouldn't give you the whole picture anyway.
Gibbs: And you will?

Davenport: Yeah, I know. Since Director Shepard's death, you've been concerned with the danger of having the wrong person at the top. Well you're not alone. You're not the only one looking out for the integrity of NCIS. Leon's going to be point man in a major operation.

Episode 6.25 "Aliyah"
Officer Hadar: Agent DiNozzo, please, ride with me. I insist. It will allow us a chance to get to know one another.
Gibbs: I am gonna see him again, right, Leon?
Ziva: Officer Hadar will not harm him. Only two people have the authority to do that.
Vance: Your father's one. Second?
Ziva: Me.

"How many times did I tell DiNozzo to leave his smart-ass attitude back in DC?"

Gibbs: "You should have checked his bags."

Tony: "Ok. Stop right there. If this is about my Twitter page, I just want to clarify - I'd had a couple of cocktails and what can I say? Sometimes I get a little chatty."

Dir. David: (to Ziva) "When did you start wearing so much makeup?"

(Tony walks up behind Ziva)
Tony: I had no choice.
Ziva: That is a lie.
Tony: Why would I lie to you, Ziva?
Ziva: To save your worthless ass.
Tony: From who? Vance? Mossad?
Ziva: You jeopardized your entire career, and for what?
Tony: For you. He was playing you, Ziva.
Ziva: For some reason you felt it was your job to protect me?
Tony: I did what I had to do.
Ziva: You killed him.
Tony: If I hadn't, you'd be having this conversation with him, but maybe that's the way you'd prefer it.
Ziva: Perhaps I would.
Tony: Okay, why don't you just get this out? You wanna take a punch? Take a swing? GET IT OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM! GO AHEAD! DO IT!
Ziva: Be careful, Tony. Because much like Michael, I will only need one.
Tony: And that's what you're really angry about isn't it? That's what's bothering you. It's not that he's dead. It's that your Mossad boyfriend got his ass kicked by a chump like me.
Ziva: You took advantage of him.
Tony: He attacked me! What was I supposed to do?!
(Ziva knocks Tony to the ground on his back)
Ziva: You saw a glass table, you pushed him back, you dropped him on it. He was impaled in the side by a shard of glass, bloody, gasping for air.
Tony: I guess you read my report.
I memorized it! You could have left it at that, you could have walked away. But no, you let him up, you put four in his chest.
Tony: You weren't there.
You could have put one in his leg.
Tony: You...weren't...there.
Ziva: But I should have been!
Tony: You loved him.
Ziva: I guess I'll never know. (Ziva walks away, leaving Tony laying on ground)

Abby: And that's not all, Gibbs. We were able to decrypt Rivkin's email accounts. Which was only half the battle, because it was in Hebrew. And Hebrew is hard.
Eli: My daughter speaks very highly of you.
Gibbs: She's a good agent.
Eli: Liaison Officer.
Gibbs: She's one of us.
Eli: So she tells me.
Gibbs: (refering to Tony who's in interrogation) So's the guy in there.

Eli: With traffic I wasn't expecting you for another hour.
Ziva: I drove.
Eli: Enough said.

Eli: Agent DiNozzo, my sincere apologies for your wait.
Tony: It's okay.I dig hanging out in concrete bunkers, especially after twelve-hour plane rides in cramped quarters.
Eli: Your sarcasim is noted.
Tony: So's your shirt. Nice style. What is that? Zegna? Cavalli? Got good taste.
Eli: I'm not certain how my apparel applies to your visit.
Tony: And I'm not really certain how you can classify my visit (pause) as a visit. All right, just so we understand, this is what I do for a living. I interrogate people all day long, so I know all the tricks of the trade and nothing you do is going to intimidate me.
Eli: Interrogate? This is an assembly room. It's a place for mutual discussion. You have yet to see our interrogation room. But if you continue with your childish arrogance, I promise you, you will.
(Cut to Vance and Gibbs watching them in another room -- live feed on a TV screen)
Vance: How many times did I tell DiNozzo to leave his smart a** attitude back in DC!
Gibbs: You shoulda checked his bags.
Vance: I thought you said your boy was up to this.
Gibbs: You're the one who threw him to the wolves, Leon. Let him find his own way.
Vance: You call this a fight, he better start showing me something!
Gibbs: Take him off the team, he already has.
(Cut back to Eli and Tony)
Eli: Oh, Agent DiNozzo, what you need to understand is that I am very aware of who you are. Your achievements ... and your misjudgments.
Tony: Okay, stop right there. If this is about my Twitter page, I just wanna clarify I had a couple of cocktails and, what can I say? Sometimes I get a little chatty.
Eli: Do you know who I am?
Tony: You're the Director of Mossad -- and Ziva's father. Although, I'm not sure which one's asking the questions.
Eli: Sometimes it is hard to separate. And it appears you have had difficulty separating your work from your emotions as well. You believed Officer Rivkin was bad?
Tony: He killed an American agent.
Eli: An accident. Unlike his death, which was intentional. But what was behind that intent? Retribution for an agent you had never even met? You knew that Officer Rivkin would be at Ziva's apartment. You went there to confront him. To provoke. And once again you blurred the lines, Agent DiNozzo, between your professional duty and your personal desires. You wanted Rivkin out of my daughter's life, so you killed him. Isn't that the truth, Agent DiNozzo?
Tony: It's like I told you, Director. I went to Officer David's apartment at which time Officer Rivkin attacked me. It was kill or be killed.
Eli: If that were true, my friend, you would be dead.
Tony: You wouldn't mind that would you? You send all your rogue agents to DC? Make it our mess? Huh? I guess I shouldn't be surprised about Rivkin considering you did the same thing with Ari. And he was your son. Speaking of family, what kind of father would throw an out-of-control assassin at his own daughter? What kind of business are you running here? Everyone just runs around doing whatever they want?
Eli: (grabs Tony by the throat) They do as I say!
Tony: Rivkin?
Eli: Always!
(Tony looks at the camera with a 'didn't I tell you?' look) (Cut back to Gibbs and Vance)
Vance: Well, I'll be d*****.
(Gibbs gives him an 'I told you so' look)

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