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This is an idea from Bellswebster
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JOKES/RIDDLES JOKES/RIDDLES

*Writers of these pages do not claim to be authors of all said materials or portions thereof to the jokes, riddles, puns, rhymes, verse, etc. on this site. The nature of said fan jokes are created for no other purpose, other than soley for enjoyment. On behalf of all writer's.*
From Bellswebster.
Page 4 - June, 2009.

*************************************************************

SEE NO EVIL.
Ducky and Palmer were in the morgue with the remains of a marine soldier.
"Funny how the deceased can tell you so much about themselves with out speaking," said Palmer.
"True. Skeletons don't tell lies Mr. Palmer. I've always been able to see right through them," replied Ducky.

By BellsWebster.

GEEK SPEAK.

Tony was having trouble with his computer, so he asked McGee to have a look at it. McGee clicked a few buttons and this solved the problem.
"There you go Tony, simple," said McGee.
"What was wrong?" asked Tony.
McGee replied, "It was just an ID ten T error."
Tony didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless asked.
"An ID Ten T error? What's that McGee?...Just in case I need to fix it and you aren't here."
McGee grined. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T error before?"
"No, McSpeak I haven't," replied Tony shrugging his shoulders.
"Write it down," replied McGee, "and I know you'll figure it out."
Tony wrote down: ID10T.
McGee smirked.

By BellsWebster.

***********************************************
Abby was reading a chemistry book on helium and she just couldn't put it down.

By BellsWebster.

********************************************
What did Abby say to Ducky to do with the dead Navy chemist?
"Barium." (bury him)

By BellsWebster.
***********************************************
"It's ok Ducky," said Abby, patting him on the shoulder.
"We know the real purpose of a doctor is to helium."
(heal him)

By BellsWebster.

***********************************************************
RED CELL.

Ziva was new to N.C.I.S. and was sitting at her desk in a quiet moment when Tony Di Nozzo's cell beeped. She picked it up but couldn't get anyone on the other end, just the name "Lucille' appeared. One of his many girlfriends, thought Ziva. Ziva wanted to call her back to tell her that Tony was unavailable because he had gone on a mission on the U.S.S. "Sea Hawk" for 6 months. After a dozen more frustrating calls, Ziva rang the Customer Service Call Centre. The Customer Service lady asked Ziva how did she know "Lucille" was the one calling if she didn't leave a phone number. After establishing that the cell was actually a numeric only pager, she asked Ziva how "Lucille" spelt her name.
"L..O..W..C..E..L..L..," answered Ziva.
The technical problem was solved.

By BellsWebster.
CAUGHT ON TAPE.

McGee was in the lab with Abby when she suddenly discovered she had cloned a frog. This frog to both their amazement could talk french. But his speech turned to swearing and he began a passion for McGee's gun. So Abby called the frog La Green-ouille, after the recent death of a gun dealer. McGee tried teaching him not to swear but he just came out with more bad language. Abby too had tried everything she could think of to change La
Green-ouille's ways. Then one day, as she sat pondering about him she clacked to spoons together very loudly, and the frog got such a fright he jumped off the table and croaked it. The next minute, Gibbs arrives to see what the noise was.
"It sounded like a gun shot," he said to Abby.
Suddenly, a CIA Agent turns up. He nods hello.
"Trent.... caught you out. We have evidence that someone in this building has 'bugged' your lab," he says, "there is going to be an internal investigation into his death."
Just then, The F.R.O.G. Police arrive. They pick up the dead frog and arrest Abby.
"On what charge?" demands Gibbs.
"Well," said Mr. Toadly, "on the charge for making an obscene clone fall."

By BellsWebster.

MODEL BEHAVIOUR.

Victoria Mallard was driving home along the highway. After recent events of being pulled over and given a number of tickets for various reasons, and having to listen to Donald's waffling stories about the dangers of drink driving and speeding, Victoria Mallard had been very careful. She kept her eye on the speed guage and had nary a drink before getting behind the wheel. However, when she looked into her rear vision mirror, she noticed a familiar police car and driver not far behind her. It was Officer Wilson. And to her dismay, he turned on his flashing lights and sped up beside her.
"Oh dear, now what!" she exclaimed.
She pulled over and reassured herself that everything was fine. After all she wasn't speeding, hadn't had a drink all day and her seat belt was on. She prepared herself for a ticket even though she felt she didn't warrant getting one. She rolled down her window as Officer Wilson appeared next to her. Officer Wilson knew Mrs. Mallard and was use to her charming explanations. He also knew of her association with Jethro Gibbs at N.C.I.S. Mrs Mallard put her hands to her head, shrugged her shoulders, cringed in her seat, and pointed to her ears indicating she was deaf. Officer Wilson smirked, and knowing about the sign language, he signed back to her:
"I know. I'm here to tell you that your horn is stuck."

By BellsWebster.

**************************************************************
PROBIE.

After resigning from Mossad, Ziva was now a probie at N.C.I.S.
"Okay Ziva," said Gibbs, "let's see how you are progressing. If a criminal is trying to get information out of you, how would you answer their questions? If they were trying break a code and they asked you what 1 and 1 was. What would you say?"
"11", Ziva replied.
Gibbs thought to himself: 'That's not what I meant, but that's a correct answer and a very clever one.'
Gibbs continued, "O.K. If they asked which 2 days of the week that start with the letter "T" are we planning to "move in" what would you say?"
"Today and tomorrow," replied Ziva.
Gibbs was again impressed at her tactical answer. He hadn't thought of that himself.
"All right Ziva, if they were trying to trick you and they wanted to know who killed Abraham Lincoln, what would you reply?" asked Gibbs.
Ziva thought for awhile. She was annoyed with herself because she didn't know.
" Gibbs, I don't know," she replied.
Gibbs was o.k. with that. He said to Ziva to go home and he'd let her work on that one.
So Ziva went out to her desk to get her bag when Tony and McGee arrived back with their lunches.
"How did it go?" they asked.
"Oh wonderful!. First week on the job and I think Gibbs trusts me. I've passed being a Probie. Gibbs has sent me home to work on a murder case!"

By BellsWebster.

ABBY'S CHEMISTRY CHRISTMAS.
T'was the night before Christmas, the lab was quite still,
Not a bunsen was burning, nor had they the will,
The test tubes were placed in their racks with great care,
In hope Father Chemistry soon would be there.

Abby was sleeping the night in a dorm,
And she's dreaming of fluids and chrystalline forms,
And she in her lab-coat and McGee in a smok.

When outside the lab there arose such a roar,
They fell from their beds and onto the floor.
For out of the fire escape they both flew,
What was the commotion?...neither of them knew.

The flood-lights shone out o're NCIS so bright,
It looked like the last Emmy Awards Night,
Through fume-blinded eyes, they saw dare I say,
Eight anions pulling a water-trough sleigh.
And holding the bonds tied to each one of them,
Was a figure they knew as old Papa Chem.
With speeds in excess of most x-rays they came,
As they doppeld along, he called each one by name.

Now Nitrate, now Phosphate, now Borate, now Chloride,
On Citrate, on Bromate, on Sulfite and Oxide.
Forget what you know of that randomness stuff,
Let's go straight to that roof if you've quantum enough.
As fluids Bernoullian behave in a pinch,
These ions said "Alchemist this is a cinch."
So up to the lab-roof those "charges" they sped,
With Pop Chemistry sitting in his water-trough sled.

Just a microsec later Electroscopes showed,
Charged particles coming to our lab abode
They raced back inside and what d'ya think?
Down the fume-hood Pop Chem fell, right into the sink.

He was dressed in a lab-coat quite ragged and old,
With removable buttons (the style they're told),
A tray full of beakers he clutched to his heart,
And under his arm was an orbital chart.

His eyes through his goggles we just couldn't see,
His hands were all yellow from H -N-0 3.
His head was quite bald with a fringe all around,
Like a ring test for iron, that same shade of brown.

He was thin as a match and not terribly tall,
He wasn't the type Abby expected at all,
But a look at his clothes in the labs harsh white light,
With their acid-burn-holes-he's a chemist all right.

He didn't say much he had no time to kill,
And filled all the test tubes with nary a spill.
Then placing them back on the benches with care,
He dashed to the fume-hood and rose through the air.

He called to his team and his ions took off,
And kinetics took care of Pop Chem and his trough.
But McAbby heard him cry out as he flew down the straight,
Merry Holidays to all may your stockrooms stay neat.

By BellsWebster.

MISSING.

Jimmy Palmer and Ducky were looking at the re-organized photos on the MTAC wall of the "10 Most Wanted."
Jimmy said to Ducky,
"These are all of them Dr. Mallard?"
"I would say they are the most dangerous perpetrators," Ducky replied.
"Well, if they are so dangerous , why didn't they keep them here when they took their photos? Jimmy asked, grinning.
Dr. Mallard glared at Jimmy. Gibbs walked past - Headslap!

By BellsWebster.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
DEAD MAN TALKING.

Ziva was having problems with the fax machine.
"Tim, can you give me the telephone number for Jack," she asked.
McGee puzzled said,"I'm sorry Ziva, I don't understand."
Ziva: "Its says quite clearly here on page 1, section 5 of this user guide that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone jack before cleaning. So, do you have the number for Jack?"
McGee: "er..Ziva..there's no Jack as such.."

By BellsWebster.
FAKING IT.

Mrs Mallard and her 3 friends were returning home from a Sunday matinee opera. Dr. Mallard was driving and had just noticed they had been swigging beer from a bottle.
"Oh, Mother, REALLY!" snapped Dr. Mallard.
Victoria Mallard was a little tipsy and she accidently tipped the bottle of Coors beer over Dr. Mallard. Dr. Mallard was a little startled and swerved along the road.
"Look what you have done!" he yelled.
It was then that they heard sirens and Dr. Mallard looked up to see the flashing lights of a Police car indicating for him to pull over.
"NOW, see what you have done!" he seethed, "I have the smell of alcohol all over me. What ever will the Police think!"
"What will we do with the beer bottle," cried Mrs. Mallard, " Donald you will be in such trouble."
"NO, it's OK'" said Dorrie, Mrs. Mallards friend from the backseat. She then pulled off the label from the Coors beer bottle and stuck it to Dr. Mallard's forehead. The Police Officer walks over to the car. It was Officer Wilson.
"Oh, it's YOU this time Dr. Mallard. I saw you swerving around the road back there. And I can smell alcohol...Have you been drinking?"
"Oh, no, he hasn't Officer Wilson," smiled Mrs. Mallard and her 3 friends. She points to Dr. Mallard's forehead.
"He's trying to give it up, so he's on the patch..all for a good (Coors)cause," she grinned.

By BellsWebster.
TOXIC.

Dr. Mallards corpse had been found to have worms in the liver. He asked Abby to do an experiment to prove whether the liver was toxic or not. He gave Abby 2 of the worms. Abby showed Ziva and McGee an experiment about the dangers of alcohol and the liver. She had two glass tumblers. One was filled with water, and the other was filled with Gibbs' bourbon. She placed a live worm in each glass. The worm in the water was perfectly fine, however the worm which was dropped in the bourbon died almost instantly. Just as she had expected. Rather pleased with the experiment, she asked Ziva and McGee what they could deduce from it. McGee looked thoughtful and Ziva looked more confident and after a few moments, she spoke up first and said:
"Drink bourbon like Gibbs does, and you won't get worms."

By BellsWebster.
THE RECRUIT.

Gibbs and The Team were called in to investigate a death at a drunken brawl at the New Marine's Welcoming Ceremony. Another marine, quite oblivious to the commotion going on around him, lay rather intoxicated under a table singing at the top of his voice. He had been trying to impersonate a singer. He had been singing the song, "The Green, Green, Grass of Home."
McGee and Ziva helped the marine out from under the table.
"He's got Tom Jones Syndrome,' said Tony.
"Oh? Is that common?" asked Ziva.
Tony replied: "Well, it's not unusual."
Gibbs walked by: HEADSLAP!..
"You can't help yourself, can you DiNozzo?"

By BellsWebster.

SKELETONS.

Jimmy Palmer and Dr. Mallard were in Vienna for an autopsy convention. It was rather late when they left as there had been a party on afterwards. Dr. Mallard decided to take a walk through the graveyard and visit the famous composers' grave sites. There were little lights placed around the cemetery.
"Ahh, Mr. Palmer, there are some famous people buried here. Mother and I did so love the house filled with classical music," said Dr. Mallard. "Here's Johann Strauss, Mother and I did so love his waltz's...The Blue Danube could whirl your mind away to heaven."
They walked on and Dr. Mallard stopped at Amadeus Mozart's grave site.
"Just like my father and myself, he loved to play the violin when he was a child Mr. Palmer. He composed over 600 works you know." continued Dr. Mallard.
Just then, music from the 9th Symphony begins to play.
"Oh, that's Ludwig Von Beethoven's 9th," said Dr. Mallard.
"Yes, I recognize the melody but it sounds strange," said Jimmy Palmer.
Then another tune begins to fill the night air, and Dr. Mallard realizes it is another Beethoven score.
"That's The Moonlight Sonata," he said, just as the clouds cleared and several moon rays shone down on them.
"But it is being played backwards, as was the 9th Symphony. Oh, this is all kind of..well..creepy Dr. Mallard," said Jimmy Palmer.
They followed a path to another grave site to find this one belonged to Austrian composer Gustav Mahler, and his music score was playing backwards as well.
"Dr. Mallard,what is going on? asked Jimmy Palmer.
Ducky just waved his wrist in jest and said,
"Oh, just think of it like going to a crime scene Mr. Palmer. It's nothing to worry about, they're just decomposing," replied Ducky.

By BellsWebster.

JACKSON GIBBS' TECHNOLOGY UNDERSTANDING.

Log on - Makin' the stove hotter.
Log off - Cooling it down.
Monitor - Keepin' an eye on it.
Download - Getting the firewood off the truck.
Mega Hertz - When you're not careful getting the fire wood.
Floppy disk - What he gets from trying to tote too many firewood.
Ram - That chunky thing what splits the firewood.
Hard Drive - Getting home in the snowy winter time.
Windows - What to shut when its snowing and cold outside.
Screen - What to shut when its black fly season.
Byte - What those dang flies do.
Chip - Munchies for in front of the t.v.
Micro chip - What's left at the bottom of the munchie bag.
Modem - What his farmer neighbour did in the hay field.
Dot Matrix - The farmer next door's wife's name.
Laptop - Where the cat sits.
Keyboard - Where Jackson hangs the truck keys.
Software - Those plastic knives and forks he takes on picnics.
Mouse - What ate his farmer neighbours' grain.
Mouse pad - That's where the mouse lives.
Mainframe - What holds up his barn roof.
Port - Fancy schmantcie flatlander wine.
Enter - How he gets into the house.
Click - What you hear when Jackson c*o*c*k*s his gun.
Double click - What you hear when Jackson really means business.
Reboot - What he had to do right before bedtime when he had to go to the out-house.

By BellsWebster.

MELTDOWN.

McGee was waiting in the lab with Abby for some test results.
"Abby, what happens if somebody swallows potassium cyanide?" asked McGee.
Abby replies:
Oh, nothing worth happening remains, "
she replied.

By BellsWebster.

1. A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR.......

Jethro Gibbs walks into a bar holding an alligator that he won in a card game from Mick Dundee. He noticed Margaret Allison Hart sitting at a table.
He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" (She looks over)
The bartender said, "Yes, we do!"
"Good," replied Gibbs putting the alligator on the bar. "Give me a Coors beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."

By BellsWebster.

2. A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR.....

Mike Franks walks into a bar with Jethro the dog. Franks claims to the barman that the dog can talk, and that he was trained especially at NCIS.
Franks: "Give me a beer and I'll show you." The bartender slides a beer to him and Franks asks the dog, "Jethro, what is that above our heads?"
The dog says, "Roof!"
The irritated bartender says, "That's not talking, he sounds like any other dog."
Franks says, "OK, how about this - Jethro, who was the best baseball player of all time?"
The dog says, "Ruth!"
The bartender throws Franks and the dog out of the bar. Jethro says to Franks, "Ya’ think I shoulda’ said DiMaggio?"

By BellsWebster.

3. A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR.....

Tobias Fornell walked dirty and exhausted into The Brennan Hotel. He had just jack knifed a suspects truck and now he had trouble starting it. He had a new set of jumper cables which he placed on the bar. The bartender looked the rather scruffy Fornell over and says, "I hope you haven’t come in here just to start something!”

By BellsWebster.

********************************************************
PARTY ON.
I went on a girl’s night out recently. The invitation said dress to kill, so I went as Ziva David.

4. A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR....

Tony Dinozzo and Jethro Gibbs walk into the bar at The Brennan Hotel. The bartender says, “Gentleman, do you want to play a game? See those two thick, juicy t-bone steaks nailed to the ceiling? You get to throw one dart. If you hit one, you get to take it home and I'll give you a free drink." Gibbs stares at the bartender.
“No thanks, we’re NCIS Agents, and those steaks are too high."

By BellsWebster.

5. A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR....

David McCallum had been doing a stage play at the west end of London. It had been a really long night and he left the theatre with all his Shakespeare costume on. He was feeling weary and decided to have a couple of nips of scotch whisky before going home. He walks in to a bar and asks the bartender for his drink.
"I can't serve you." says the bartender. "You're Bard!"

By BellsWebster.

6. A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR....

Jimmy Palmer and Dr. Mallard had been giving a medical lecture at a nearby Medical University. They had a skeleton and a brain with them that belonged to the NCIS autopsy. Palmer and Dr. Mallard didn’t want them stolen, so decided to take them with them for a joke into The Brennan Hotel, where they planned to have a well deserved drink. They put one skeletal arm each around their shoulder and walked the skeletal man into a bar. Palmer said to the surprised barman, "Give us 2 beers… and for the good Doctor a whisky…oh, and a mop …for the skeleton. With that, Dr. Mallard placed a bag containing the brain on the bar. The bartender peers in and then yells at the skeleton, "I'm not serving you, you're out of your skull!"

By BellsWebster.

7. A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR....

Doctor Mallard and Jimmy Palmer walked into a bar in The Brennan Hotel. Dr. Mallard had recently started to go to this local hotel after work with Jimmy Palmer. Palmer had gotten Dr. Mallard to enjoy a hazelnut - flavoured daiquiri,a special drink the bartender had created just for him.
One day, the bartender ran out of hazelnuts, so he substituted hickory nuts instead.
Doctor Mallard took one sip of the drink and said, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
"No, I'm sorry Dr. Mallard”, replied the bartender,
“I ran out of hazelnuts and substituted hickory nuts.”
Jimmy Palmer laughed and said to Dr. Mallard, “That makes 'it a hickory daiquiri, doc.'”
Dr. Mallard looked un-amused at Palmer and said, “You know Mr. Palmer, sometimes I worry about you.”

By BellsWebster.

8. A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR....

McGee had been to the Publishers to proudly pick up his newly printed book called “Deep Six.”
On the way home, he decided to celebrate by having a drink at The Brennan Hotel. He puts his NCIS badge and the book down on the bar while he searched for change in his pocket.
McGee: "I’m celebrating, a glass of champagne thanks.”
(Notices his badge and the book) Bartender: An NCIS agent hey…(Looks at book) Charles Dickens?..Olive or twist… with your drink?...he laughs…
McGee looks at him and smiles: “No…I wrote this book, it’s called Deep Six.”
Bartender (holds up his hands) Oh, please, no stories. I’ve already heard them all.

By BellsWebster.

9. A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR....

Jethro Gibbs had finished building his boat the Kelly, in his basement. He required rope to place around her deck. After buying a good length, he decides to stop for a burbon at The Brennan Hotel. He walks into a bar with the rope looped loosely around his shoulders.
The bartender explains to Gibbs: "We don't serve your kind. We don’t know what you might do with that rope."
Gibbs gets up, goes outside, ties the rope in a neater loop around one shoulder and finds one end of the rope to be frayed, so ties it into a knot. He puts his jacket on and walks back inside, but the knot pokes out from underneath. Gibbs walks back into the bar and asks for a bourbon.
The bartender says, "Hey, weren't you just in here?"
Gibbs replies: "No, I'm a frayed knot."

By BellsWebster.

10. A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR....

The team went for a few drinks at The Brennan Hotel. After a while of jocularity and good fun, they all became a little inebriated. All the little baskets of chips they had been nibbling on were almost empty, only a few nuts remained.
Ziva then heard a voice that said "You look nice today."
“Oh thank you Ducky, that’s very nice of you to say.” she slurred.
Then she plants a little appreciative kiss on his cheek.
Ducky says: “What?”
A few minutes later, McGee hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt."
He turns to Ducky and pats him on the shoulder and says. “Thanks for that Ducky, I like this shirt too.”
Ducky looks at him and says, ‘What? I think you and Ziva have had enough to drink.”
McGee and Ziva ask: “Well who did say that?
The bartender, over hearing what happened, leans over to them and says: "Those are the peanuts talking, they're complimentary!"
Dr. Mallard looks at the bartender and says “…and you too?”

By BellsWebster.

11. A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR....

Mark Harmon had been doing a movie called " Harts of the West", and left the set, still dressed in a paper costume as a rodeo clown.
Gary Cooper, another actor, was doing a movie called "High Noon", and he left his set dressed in a paper cowboy outfit. The two actors walked together into the Brennan Hotel bar to have a drink. But the bartender, suspicious of their paper outfits, and not believing them to be a real clown and a real cowboy, called the police and had them arrested for rustling.

By BellsWebster.
****************************************************
12. A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR....

Director Vance decided to keep secret copies of some of his files before shredding the originals. He went to the photocopier but found it was empty of ink. As he was venturing out for a lunchtime drink at the Brennan Hotel, he decided he would buy some more. He took the empty cartridge with him for reference. Arriving at the hotel’s bar, he places the inkjet cartridge on the bar.
Vance: “Beer thanks.”
Bartender: “Are you sure you just don’t need a refill?”

By BellsWebster.

THE AUTOPSY GREMLIN.

Jimmy Palmer came in early to the autopsy hoping to arrive before Dr. Mallard. Finding himself alone, he grined widely and living up to his nickname, placed a large sheet of paper with a list on it, on the autopsy door.
The list read:

Dr. Mallards Alternative Medical Terms.

Benign................What you be after you be eight.
Artery................The study of paintings.
Bacteria..............Back door to cafeteria.
Barium................What doctors do when patients die.
Caesarean Section......A neighborhood in Rome.
Cat scan...............Searching for kitty.
Cauterize.............Made eye contact with her.
Colic.................A sheep dog.
Coma..................A punctuation mark.
D & C.................Where Washington is.
Dilate................To live long.
Enema.................Not a friend.
Fester................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula................A small lie.
G.I. Series...........World Series of military
baseball.
Hangnail..............What you hang your coat on.
Impotent..............Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain............Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.........A Doctor’s cane.
Morbid................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates..............Cheaper than day rates.
Node..................Was aware of.
Outpatient.... .......A person who has fainted.
Pap smear..... .......A fatherhood test.
Pelvis................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post-Operative........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room.........Place to do upholstery.
Rectum................Darn near killed him.
Secretion.............Hiding something.
Seizure...............Roman Emperor.
Tablet................A small table.
Terminal Illness......Getting sick at the Bus Station
Tumour.................More than one.
Urine.................Opposite of you're out.
Varicose..............Nearby/close by.
Vein..................Conceited.

By BellsWebster.

N.C.I.S. HALLOWEEN JOKES.


**Did I tell about the new Mexican Day of the Dead Dracula doll?
You wind it up and it goes berserk trying to bite Gibbs on the neck.

**Did you know that Trent Kort had to close his Cyclops shop because he only had one pupil?

**What did the 'mummy' say to Dr. Mallard?
Let's wrap this case up doc....

**Palmer refused to take the skeletons to play music in church.
He told them that was pointless because they had no organs.

By BellsWebster.

********************************************************
THE NATURE OF THE BEAST.

Abby and McGee are spending Halloween night together. They called into the lab on their way to a Halloween party. Abby was dressed as Marilyn Munroe, and McGee was dressed as Count Dracula. Gibbs came into the lab to see them before they left.
“Where’s McGee Abbs?”
“Oh Gibbs, he’s just on a coffin break.”
Gibbs seemed unamused: “Abbs…”
“Its true Gibbs, earlier on he had a coffin fit...(she grins)…it must have been the eye scream or maybe…the stake sandwich…”

By Bellswebster.
*******************************************************
FAITH.
Chaplin Burke went to NCIS to give counseling to two young girls who had been rescued from Afghanistan. McGee greeted her at his desk, and he told her Gibbs was waiting to see her in Vance’s office. As she was leaving, she noticed a frown come across McGee’s face as he continued to find an error that was bugging him. He pouted. She lent down to him and with a heavenly smile said:
The good Lord is like a computer. He ENTERS your life, SCANS your problems, EDITS your tension, DOWNLOADS solutions, DELETES your worries and SAVES you.

By Bellswebster.

T’WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE INTERROGATION.

T‘was the night before interrogation
and all through the building,
Not a program was working,
not one browser was sending.

The criminals hung by their cells in despair,
With hopes that a miracle soon would be theirs.
So they all nestled down snug into their beds,
While visions of deals danced in their heads.

When out in the squad room there arose such a clatter,
DiNozzo ran out to see what was the matter.
And what to his bleary eyes should appear,
But McGee their programmer, with a six-pack of beer.

His resume glowed with experience so rare,
He turned out great code with a bit-pusher’s flair.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
And he cursed and muttered and called them by name.

On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closings! On Functions Complete!
His eyes were glazed over, fingers nimble and lean,
From weekends and nights in front of the screen.

A wink of his eye and a twitch of his head,
He soon let Tony know he had nothing to dread.
McGee spoke not a word, but went straight to work,
Turning specs into code; then turned with a jerk…

And laying his finger upon the “ENTER” key,
The system came up and worked perfectly.
The updates updated; the deletes, they deleted;
The inquiries inquired, and closings completed.

McGee tested each whistle, and tested each bell,
With nary a bomb, and all had gone well.
The system was finished, the tests were concluded,
The criminals last chance bids were even included.

And one criminal exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
“It’s just what I asked for, but not what I want!”

By Bellswebster & Unknown.
PSYCH OUT.

NCIS conducted a raid on the San Diego Naval Psychiatric Hospital. Dr Ryan, the FBI and NCIS had it under investigation. Dr. Sam Ryan was in charge and she rang them when a citizen, found to be posing as a Marine had been found murdered after another patient posing as a visiting Marine was held responsible. Ducky and Palmer were overseeing the body, while Fornell and three of his men were there talking over the facts. Dr Ryan helped Dr Mallard, Palmer and the team to sort through the medical records. They spent many hours working and they all worked up quite an appetite.
Tony suggested pizza was in order to keep them from starving to death. He rang a nearby Pizza Parlor with a delivery service to order a quick dinner for all of them. As the FBI had been tracking incoming and outgoing calls, Tony’s telephone conversation was recorded.
Tony: “Hello. I’d like to order 12 large pizzas, 8 garlic breads and 1 dozen bottles of soda please.”
Pizza Man: “Sure. That’s one big order. Are you having a party?”
Tony: “No, no we are just all here investigating a …investigation.”
Pizza Man: “And where would you like the pizza’s delivered?”
Tony: “We’re over at the San Diego Naval Psychiatric Hospital.”
Pizza Man: “The Psychiatric Hospital you say”
Tony: “That’s right. I’m an NCIS Agent…Special Agent Tony DiNozzo in fact.”
Pizza Man: “You’re an NCIS Agent?”
Tony: “Correct. Most of us here are… except for the FBI men.”
Pizza Man: “Everyone there is an NCIS Agent, or belongs to the F.B.I.”
Tony: “Correct…well, except for the two Coroners, the Doctor and the man who thinks he’s a Marine.”
Pizza Hut: “Um…how are you going to pay for all of this?”
Tony: “We’ve collected a pool of cash.”
Pizza Man: “And you’re all Agents…
Tony: “Yes. Look you’ll be safe…we have guns.”
Pizza Man…click…*busy tone*…

By Bellswebster.

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bellswebster
bellswebster
Latest page update: made by bellswebster , Apr 27 2013, 11:57 PM EDT (about this update About This Update bellswebster added jokes & corrected spellings. - bellswebster

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