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Let's have your NCIS jokes and riddles - Please keep them clean!
This is an idea from Bellswebster
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JOKES/RIDDLES	JOKES/RIDDLES
2009 Disclaimer: * Writers of these pages do not claim to be the authors of all said materials or of portions thereof to the jokes, riddles, quotes, puns etc. on this site. The nature of all said fan jokes are created for no other purpose, other than solely for enjoyment. On behalf of all writers.* From BellsWebster. Page 2.	******************* What's the difference between Gibbs, coffee and a bear? None. They are all a bruin. By BellsW. *******************
A GOOD DEAL. It was a dark and stormy night. Gibbs was out walking when he meets up with Fornell. They had both stopped under a shop awning to shelter from the rain. "You know, there's something about a brisk walk in the rain, on a stormy night. I find it relaxing. Don't you Gibbs?" said Fornell. "Yes, I can agree. The dog you have there. It doesn't seem afraid of the storm. Most animals are." replied Gibbs. Fornell smirked at Gibbs and said: "I actually got this dog for your ex-wife." Gibbs laughed and replied, "Good trade Fornell!" By BellsW.	What is an exchange of opinion? You get caught. You get handcuffed. You get taken to N.C.I.S. You get interrogated by Gibbs. Then you leave with his opinion. By BellsW.
EAGERLY AD'VANCE'D. Vance was sitting at his desk when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face beamed brightly at the news. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his wife. "Honey!" he said,"The answer is yes! I have been elected to be the director of NCIS!" "Honestly?" replied his wife. Vance's face lost its smile. "Honey, why bring that up at this time?" By BellsW. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- *************** Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? Because Abby had been brainstorming. *************** SIGN on staffs' coffee tip container: "Thanks for latte." REGARDING VANCE: If you give some boss' an inch they think they are a ruler. By BellsW.	TIMOTHY McGEE - McQUIZZICAL Is editing a rewording activity? Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk? What if Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate clauses? What if you are Microsoft and resistance is futile? Will I be assimilated? What if my software runs its spell checker? Does that mean I have a witch in my computer? What if an astronaut in outer space was using my computer? Would his favourite place be the 'space bar'? If I found a spider in my computer, should I encourage her to make a web? If I stepped on my computers' mouse, how loudly would it squeak? By BellsW.
WHO GOES THERE? Mrs. Mallard had just returned home from a bingo night at the local church. She was suddenly startled by an intruder. She grabbed her umbrella and in ninja style headed towards the noise. She saw a man in the act of stealing Duckys golf clubs. He was about to leave through a window. "STOP!" she yelled."Acts 2:38!" The robber stopped and dropped the bag, and immediately threw his arms up in the air. Mrs. Mallard called Gibbs so he went over and arrested the man. "Why did you just stand there? She's an old lady with an umbrella. All she did was yell a scripture at you." "Scripture!? All I heard was, Stop, and that she had an axe and 2 38's.!" By BellsW.	THE SNIPER. Gibbs and the team had just arrived at the Naval base when a snipers bullet removed a button from Gibbs' shirt. He threw himself to the ground. The team looked around ready to react. Gibbs yells out: "Can you see the sniper! Somebody take him out!" A marine officer crawled over to Gibbs and says: "We're really worried that if we kill him, someone else will replace him who can really shoot." By BellsW.
HOOD WINKED. "Hey, you! Pull over!" shouted the cop. Mrs. Mallard complied. "Oh, its you again Mrs. Mallard. I'm sorry but this time I'm going to have to give you a ticket," said the cop. Mrs. Mallard sighed and put out her hand. "Now it'll be $140.00. $80.00 for driving without your seat belt on, and $60 - discounted, *wink wink* for driving while you are knitting." said the cop. Mrs. Mallard went home to find Ducky making a pot of tea. I'm doing our bills mother. Could I have the cheque book please?" asked Ducky. Mrs.Mallard gingerly gave over the cheque book. Ducky opened it to see that the last cheque in the book had just been written out. "Oh Mother! Really!' said Ducky, " $140.00 for 1 pullover!" "It was discounted," she replied. By BellsW.	YOU KNOW GIBBS IS STRESSED WHEN: He grinds his coffee beans in his mouth. He doesn't sweat, he percolates. When instant coffee takes too long. When you ask him: "How are you." And he replies: "I'm good to the last drop." When he changes the meaning of CPR to mean -Coffee Provides Resuscitation. ....... then you have to wonder about the picture of his coffee mug, on his coffee mug. By BellsW.
THE PRISONER. The team went out to investigate a murder on board the U.S.S. Seahawk. They arrested a man in connection with the death of another marine. He was led into the interrogation room by Vance and Gibbs. "How do you feel about spending the rest of your life in jail," snapped Vance. "Well I don't really mind at all," laughed the prisoner,"In prison your life is spent looking through bars from the inside, wanting to get out. At work, YOU spend most of your time wanting to get out and go into bars," scoffed the prisoner. "And, I'll get 3 meals a day. At work YOU get one meal and YOU have to pay for it yourself." Vance grabbed the prisoner by the shirt. "Do you think its funny, do you, being locked up 24 hours a day, seven days a week!" The prisoner replied: "Why should I care. The guards have to spend all day locking and unlocking doors for everyone who is there. At your work YOU have to carry around security cards and open and close doors yourself." Vance threw him back into the chair. "What about having a good job to better your life. Have good friends and a family!" snapped Vance. "In prison I don't have to work and all expenses are paid by the taxpayer," laughed the prisoner, "At your work, YOU get to pay all the expenses to go to work, and then they deduct the taxes from YOUR salary for us prisoners." Gibbs leaned across the table and stared at the prisoner. "In prison you might need to deal with undesirables and sadistic warders!" yelled Gibbs. The prisoner scoffed and said: "At YOUR place of work they are called Directors." By BellsW.	'EVIDENT'LY SPOOKY. McGee was helping Abby with computer analyses in her lab. She picked up a piece of evidence and showed it to McGee. "This old pipe is really rusty," said Abby 'iron'ically. She suddenly took on a lighter tone and she said to McGee: "I have a riddle for you." "A riddle. I haven't heard a riddle for years," he beamed, "what is it?" "O.K. What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry facilities?" "Mmmm..ghosts? Don't know," replied McGee. "Methylated spirits of course!" laughed Abby. By BellsW. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Last Words of a Chemist. "And now for the taste test." MY EXPERIENCE 'GIBBS' ME REASON TO BELIEVE YOU. SIGN IN N.C.I.S. ELEVATOR. TOILET OUT OF ACTION. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW. ***** How do you scare Gibbs? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice. By BellsW.
WHAT WERE THEY THINKING........ A police officer pulls over a car for driving too slowly. Inside are 4 old ladies. They were all giggling. "Mrs Mallard! Not you again!" exclaimed the policeman, "You weren't speeding this time ma'am, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No Sir! I was doing the speed limit wasn't I girls." she replied. (A louder giggle came from her 3 passengers) "22 is what it said on the sign," continued Mrs. Mallard. "Mrs. Mallard, that's the route number, not the speed limit," chuckled the policeman. Mrs. Mallard grinned and the 3 other ladies giggled much louder. "Before I let you go. Why are you all so giggly? You haven't been drinking have you Mrs. Mallard?" asked the policeman. "Not one drop of plonk!" beamed Mrs. Mallard. "It was along route 142 that we all began to giggle." By BellsW. --------------------------------------------------------- McGees message to Abby. Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open windows. I won't be able to talk to you on the computer tonight. I have laryngitis. I left the windows open. By BellsW. ------------------------------------------------------------ THE MARINES' CHRISTMAS PARTY. The team went to a marine Christmas party aboard the U.S.S. Seahawk. Everyone was having too much of a good time and a fight broke out between two marines from a comedy act. Gibbs had no choice but to arrest the Marcel Marceau impersonator. As Gibbs handcuffed him the comedian asked: "If you arrest a mime, do you still have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?" By BellsW. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ZIVA SAYS. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. ******************** ZIVA TO TONY: "If at first you do succeed try not to look so astonished." ******************** GIBBS SAYS: When you are right I will always remember. When you are wrong I will never forget. It is better to forgive and forget, but it is a good idea to keep a list just in case. By BellsW. ********************	DON'T FORGET TO FEED THE CHICKENS. BUT....WHAT ABOUT THE ROOSTER? Dinozzo was sound asleep in bed when a loud thumping noise at his front door woke him up. He got up out of bed and he opened the door to find to his surprise it was Foghorn Leghorn, the Toon Town Rooster. "Arr say son,...are you Tony Dinnozzo...I ask?" said Foghorn. "Err, yeah, what..." began Tony. "Well, I've been watching you on a t.v. show called N.C.I. and n' S....and I have a complaint!" clucked Foghorn. He roughly folded his arms and a few feathers fell to the ground. "A complaint eh, and what might that be?" asked Tony. "Well, son..... stand up straight when I'm talking to ya, ...as I was saying, I have a complaint. I heard you tell your pappy-boss not to forget to feed the chickens....well, now son...what about me...the rooster? There wouldn't be any chickens if it weren't for a stud like me....are ya' listening to me?....what about me? went on Foghorn. "Well, I don't have any chic..." began Tony. "And another thing....I say...another thing...why would you talk about chickens on a ship called the Sea HAWK"....how dumb can you be, *headslap* to mention chickens and hawks in the same script..eh?.. Are you taking all this in son...you seem a little distracted," said Foghorn. "Well, I di...."Tony began." "You know you seem as sharp as a paper clip and as alert as a stunned mullet. I've come half way across the road to you and I'm just laying it on the line...That's a joke son...*headslap*. More feathers floated to the ground. Tony opened his mouth to say something. "Now there is nothing worse when someone is annoying enough to go on talking when you're interrupting. And I'll have all of you know at N.C.I. and n' S, that the chicken crossed the road because he wanted to get away from the farmer who was fond of chicken soup! *headslap* Several more feathers fell to the ground. "Well, that's a really good reason for a chi".... started Tony. "I'm going now Dinozzo. And you tell your pappy-boss that err...if he has any more of that whisky he drinks, just slip a couple of nips in to ma' drinking water. It wouldn't hurt for some of my slick chicks to lay a few scotch eggs.... hee hee hee." cackled Foghorn. Tony stared in astonishment at the large sized white rooster. A loud banging noise suddenly gave Tony a start. He got up out of bed and and went to the front door. He hesitated, and then came another loud knock. He opened the door a couple of inches to see Gibbs staring back. Tony breathed a sigh of relief. It was all a dream! "Dinozzo, you're late! Why aren't you ready?" said Gibbs. Tony opened the door and Gibbs came inside. "Here, I found these feathers floating around your porch. What did you do over the weekend ?" asked Gibbs. Tony just turned away and Gibbs pulled two more feathers from the back of his pajama top and gave them to Tony. "Hens party?" asked Gibbs. Tony went silent momentarily. "I'll have to get back to you on that one Boss," said Tony. "Forget it Dinozzo. I don't think I want to know," replied Gibbs. By BellsW. *Foghorn Leghorn is a Warner Brothers Cartoon Character* *Go to - Foghorn Leghorn cartoon character- on the net for images.* ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- VANCE SAYS: Errors will be made. Others will be blamed. By BellsW.
THE LESSON. Abby was in her lab explaining things to Ducky. " You know Ducky, that if two atoms bump into each other, they'd loose an electron..right?" "Are you sure, my dear?" replied Ducky. "I'm positive," answered Abby. By BellsW. --------------------------------------------------------- DRIVING HIM CRAZY. Mrs. Mallard and her three friends, Dixie, Nell and Dorrie were having morning tea out in the garden on the pergola. "You know girls, I cannot understand why you can't drink and drive," said Mrs. Mallard. "I agree," said Dixie," If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a drivers licence to buy liquor?" "Not to mention as to why do Bars have drive- ins?" replied Nell. "Yes, yes,....true," said Dorrie nodding her head in agreement. They finished their cups of tea and Mrs. Mallard suggested they go for one of their leisurely drives. They all loved going for drives. After a couple of hours they were going down North Gower Road to visit Dr. Mallard at N.C.I.S. when a policeman waved Mrs. Mallard over. She slowed and pulled up at the curb and rolled down the window. Cooper, one of her corgie dogs immediately licked the policemans face in excitement. "I'm so sorry officer. Cooper thinks he's at McDonalds. Oh it's you. It's that nice policeman who always has time for a chat," she said to her friends. "Say what IS your name?" "Oh its you AGAIN Mrs. Mallard. I'm Officer Wilson," he sighed. "It's been awhile," smiled back Mrs. Mallard. "I've pulled you over this time because you have a broken headlight," said Officer Wilson. "I HAVE! " exclaimed Mrs. Mallard. "Oh Victoria, you have known about that for 2 weeks," said Dorrie. "And you don't have your seat belt on!" exclaimed Officer Wilson. "Oh, she hardly ever wears it," said Nell, smiling at the Officer, "Cooper keeps chewing on the belt when they are driving along. "They! And I smell alcohol Mrs. Mallard. You've been drinking, haven't you?" asked Officer Wilson. "NO! Officer Wilson. I only had a dash or two of brandy in a couple a cups of tea quite some time ago," replied Mrs. Mallard. "Of course you have been. We put brandy in at least 4 cups of tea. Not to mention the gin nips in at least 5 spider sodas,"piped up Dixie. "And weren't they delicious girls." They all agreed happily at the same time. "But Officer Wilson, I don't drink when I drive I assure you. If I were to go over a bump or into a pot hole, I might spill it." grinned Mrs. Mallard. By BellsW. ---------------------------------------------------------------- ZIVA SAYS: Happiness is a belt-fed weapon. It's as bad as you think and I am out to get you. Some people are still alive only because it is illegal for me to kill them. I always refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person. By BellsW.	THE EXAM. Abby was feeling very nervous. Today she had an oral exam with Professor Dunnit. She sat waiting nervously in the chair at his desk. "Good morning," said the Professor, "Don't be nervous Miss Sciuto. I'm sure you'll do just fine." Abby smiled nervously. "The first question Miss Sciuto is. "What do you need to ascertain about a persons blood type before giving them a blood transfusion ?" Abby thought carefully before answering and then replied: "Whether they are affirmative or negative." "Correct!" said the Professor. "The second question is, if clouds are high flying fogs and water vapor gets together in a cloud. What happens?" "Well, when it is big enough to be called a drop. It does,"replied Abby. "Correct!" said the Professor,"The third question is, if H20 is water, what is H20 4." Abby answered confidently: "It's for drinking, washing and cleaning!" "Correct!" said the Professor smiling at her."Now I would like you to explain what a vibration is." Abby took a deep breath, and then said: "Well, a vibration is a motion that cannot make up its' mind which way it wants to go." "Correct again!" said the Professor," you are doing very well Miss Sciuto. "Only two more questions to go." Professor Dunnit turned the page and smiled at Abby and asked: "Now, please explain the following: What is a drop of water?" "Well, under a microscope, you will find that there are twice as many H's and O's," beamed Abby. "That is correct again!" exclaimed the Professor, "We are doing well!" Abby was now feeling very confident. "The last question Miss Sciuto is: "What is composed of 2 'gens' ? What are they?" Abby got excited and replied: "Oh I know! Oxy'gin' is pure Gin. And hydro'gin' is gin and water!" "Excellent Miss Sciuto. Congratulations! You have passed!" cried the Professor happily. By BellsW. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GIBBS TO TONY: "How do you spot a terrorist in a car park?" "That's easy Boss! You skim the car park for cars until you find the camel!" *headslap* By BellsW. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHAT A HANDFUL. Two C.I.A. agents found 3 hand grenades at the scene of a crime. They decided to take them to N.C.I.S. and let them handle it. Gibbs had the criminal in for interrogation and they thought this might be an explosive piece of evidence to help convict the man. "What if one explodes?" said the first C.I.A. man. "Well, we'll just say we only found 2," replied the other. They arrived at N.C.I.S. and approached Agent Ziva David with their find. They showed her what was in the box. Ziva took one of the grenades out and began tossing it from one hand to the other. "Nice!" she said. "Er, should you be doing that? Isn't it dangerous?" said the C.I.A. man. Ziva replied: "No! Depends who's got the hand grenade....here...catch....!" By BellsW.
******************** Abby rushed to McGee's desk excitedly. "Hey, Tim! You know I hate Chip, right? Well, he actually discovered something on that victim's laptop!" (McGee waits for Abby to continue. She doesn't.) McGee: "Okay, Abby. I'll byte." by AbbySciuto77 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FOR SALE. C.B.S. N.C.I.S. released 2 new t-shirts for sale. They were either white or grey and were available in all sizes. They were completely machine washable and it was advised for best shape results to hang them on a coat hanger. The first t-shirt had a picture of Gibbs on the front. The other t-shirt had a picture of Fornell. Gibbs' t-shirt read: Hero. Always there for you. Fornells' t-shirt read: Fornell. F.B.I. Thanks Gibbs for not letting me be hung out to dry. BellsW. ------------------------------------------------------------- HE SAYS, SHE SAYS. Gibbs and Director Sheppard were having an argument in her office. Jenny said to Gibbs: "If it weren't for your marriages Jethro, you would go through life thinking you had no faults at all!" Gibbs replied to Jenny: "Marriage isn't a word Jenny, it's a sentence. I've found out that marriage is an institution in which a man loses his batchelors degree and the women gets her masters!" By BellsW.	SHATTERED IMAGE. During the time in Afghanistan days, various agencies were spying and torturing innocent people. Dr. Mallard was in such a camp at that time. He had never forgotten the torment there, and had always regretted his part in being a bringer of death. Not a memory to be proud of, but at that time, a necessity for those who needed the relief from living. He had surrendered himself regarding what was considered a war crime of the Geneva Convention. He was duly released after further considerations and Gibbs took him home. "You know Jethro, without your help and friendship, I would be a broken man. A man without wings to still be able to fly upwards with some self respect and dignity. Thank you for your dedication and friendship ," said Ducky. Gibbs put his hand on Duckys' shoulder and gave it a gentle motion. "My pleasure Ducky. I believe our friends are those quiet angles who help one another in times of need. They lift us back onto our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. I have had friends like that too, when I have needed them the most...you are one of them Ducky," said Gibbs. The two men hugged. Tears trickled down Duckys face, but he turned and wiped them away. Gibbs got the whisky bottle and 2 glasses. "Game of chess?" asked Ducky. "Sure, why not," said Gibbs. They went outside with the two corgies, Cooper and Camomile. As Ducky set up the chess game a dove landed on the table beside them. Cooper and Camomile ran towards it, but the bird just sat there. "Doves always symbolize peace," said Ducky, now smiling. "You know they used pidgins during the earlier wars to carry messages." The dove then began to coo and coo rather loudly. "It seems this bird has a pidgen english message for you Ducky," laughed Gibbs. "I reckon it's telling you that immortality lies not only in the things you have done with your life, but for what you have done for other people in their lives." "That's very kind of you to say so Jethro," Ducky replied. The dove cooed louder and louder. "Oh, he's certainly giving me the tweetment then," laughed Ducky. The dove then flew off towards a rainbow in the sky. ...Somewhere over the rainbow, many spirited lights glow... By BellsW.
VALET PARKING. In the town of Springwater, Gibbs' father Jackson owned a general store. The team went with Gibbs to see him. Ziva parked the car in an attended lot across the street. She then went into the store to make a purchase but Jackson just waved away her payment. "Do you give people validation?" asked Ziva. Without batting an eye and with a smile on his face he said: "You are an excellent person and I love your hair." *Gibbs stare* By BellsW..	SHOW A LITTLE KINDNESS. Mark Harmon founded the "Happy Daze" holiday camp for sick and disabled children. One afternoon he and his wife Pam stopped by one of the camp sites to have lunch with the children. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting some of the children at their table didn't realize Mark was a movie star explained: "This is Pam Dawber, Marks wife. Mark Harmon is the person who made this camp possible." All the children smiled and applauded. "Maybe you have seen posters of him on the internet," continued the counselor. *concerned stares* "Perhaps your dad has seen his face on a beer commercial," he added. A 9 year old girl looked very worried. She got up from her seat and went and put her arms around him and said: "How long were you missing Mr. Harmon?" By BellsW.
MY BEST FRIEND. Gibbs returns to the NCIS Squadroom to find McGee in a terrible state. "What's wrong McGee?" asked Gibbs. "My computer fell to the floor and slipped a 'disk'. It was already ageing and had loss of 'memory.' It doesn't seem to 'remember me' anymore. It no longer calls me 'data'. Gibbs replies, "Sounds like it has a 'terminal' illness McGee. Here, I bought you back some lunch." "Thanks Boss," replied McGee. "Err...Boss, .... I'm a P.C. Programmer, I don't eat 'cache'." By BellsW.	CHALKBOARD ASSIGNMENTS - McGEE. Write 100 times each of the following: 1. I will not Etch-A-Sketch on my computer. 2. I will not make any more "quick reference manuals" 110 pages long. 3. I will not make fun of "Chip", Abbys' new assistant. I will not call him Dorito. 4. I will never back up my hard drive by putting it in reverse. 5. I will not double click the elevator button. It is not my computer. By BellsW.
THE CONFERENCE. There is a big conference of beer producers, and as special guest, Mark Harmon was invited along to once again represent Coors Beer. At the end of the day, the Presidents and invited guests went to a bar for a drink. The President of Budweiser orders a Bud, Millers orders a Miller Lite, Arthur Guinness orders a Guinness, but special guest Mark Harmon orders a coca cola. "Why aren't you ordering a Coors?" asked the bar tender. Mark Harmon replies: "No. If all these guys won't drink beer than neither will I." By BellsW.	THE INVISIBLE MAN. Gibbs stood on the street corner under a flickering light. It was raining softly and the cobweb of droplets that spread on his coat glistened in the light. He pulled the collar up around his neck. His breath formed a whispy mist against the coldness. A shadowy figure walked towards him and they met on the darker side of the street. "Evening," said the voice. "Hello, were you able to bring the info? You're rather late," replied Gibbs. "Yes, I have it. I don't think I can help you anymore. Sorry. I had rather a lot of trouble. The informant who works at the F.B.I. headquarters has become extremely hard to see," replied the voice. "Why is that?" asked Gibbs. "Well, I know this will be hard to believe, but he has been promoted to the Chief-In-Spectre!" By BellW.
LUNCH ROOM COFFEE RULES. Better to be 'latte' than never to arrive at all. Please feel free to 'expresso' yourself. It's quite o.k. to feel 'full of beans'...sometimes. By BellsW.	A LITTLE BIT CRAZY. Tony and Ziva chased a starry-eyed suspect into a nearby park. "Which way?" yelled Tony. Ziva yelled back: "He's gone this way, down the homicidal strip of bitumen!" *Tony looks confused* "THE WHAT!" he replies. "You know...down here, down the cycle-path!" (psychopath) By BellsW.
THE AMBUSH. Gibbs met with Franks at the mexican border. A man came through the bushes but was stopped by a border patrolman. "You know the law, you can't go across the border," said the patrolman. Franks and Gibbs knew him as Special Agent Wonn. Gibbs said to the patrolman, "Give him a chance to prove himself." "Plezz Sir! Can I come into your beautiful country," said Wonn. The patrolman looked him up and down. Gibbs thought for a moment and then said to the patrolman. "You'll let him pass if he can use 3 english words in a sentence. Isn't that right!" Gibbs stared hard at the patrolman. "O.K. then," agreed the patrolman. Gibbs replied: "The words are green, pink and yellow." The man winks at Gibbs and then takes a moment to think. "Weelll! Ze phone. It ranged. Green green. Green green. I pinked it up and I zezz yellow." "Good man, you're in!" replied Gibbs, leading him and Franks away from the gate. The three men head down the beach until they came to Franks house. They went inside and Franks poured them each a bourbon. A few minutes later there was a knock at the door. Knock! Knock! Franks calls out: "Who's there!" "Dishes," came the reply. "Dishes who?" called back Franks. "Dishes the F.B.I., open up!" Franks opened the door and Fornell stood there with a big grin on his face. "Did you bring the files?" asked Gibbs. "Yes, they are here," replied Fornell. He laid down, 1 green file, 1 pink file, and 1 yellow file down on the table. The green file was wanted by the K.B.G. as it contained all the Presidents, Prime Ministers and all the Leaders of the worlds home phone numbers and addresses. The pink file was wanted by the International Police Force as it had all the best beat up hints that every cop should know. And they wanted to be the best. The yellow file was wanted by The C.I.A. as it contained 'How to' secrets on the best way to talk to people first, before shooting them. Suddenly, 3 men burst into the room. One man had K.G.B. embroided on his pocket, the next man had I.F.P. embroided on his hat, and the last man was from the C.I.A. because it said so on his name tag. In the next moment there was snatching, grabbing and punching going on amidst a hail of bullets. When the melee ended, poor Wonn lay dead. Fornell leaned down beside Wonn and said: "Shame. He was a good secret agent. Funny way for him to die though." "What was he killed with?" asked Gibbs. "A golf gun by the looks of that hole," replied Fornell. "What's a golf gun?" asked Franks. "I don't really know, but it sure made a hole on Wonn." By BellsW.	CALL OF SILENCE. Mrs. Mallard, Nell, Dixie and Dorrie went to the pictures to see the new Mark Harmon movie "Weather Girl." The four friends sat at the back of the theatre and after the theatre darkened, an add came on but there was no sound. "Victoria?" asked Nell, "Where did you put the remote? Can't you fast forward these adds!" It was then that they saw a man spread out over 4 seats just a few rows in front of them. He was moaning loudly. "Why can't people be quiet in a picture theatre! The cheek of him!" yelled out Nell. She got up from her seat and stomped down to the man and headslapped him. "Excuse me! Where are your manners? What do you mean by all this noise. Where do you come from!" she snapped. The man looked up at her and replied: "The balcony!" "Ssshhhh," came whispers from around the theatre. By BellsW. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SPLIT DECISION. Abby and McGee were talking in the lab. "Abby, how does all this experimental stuff work?" asked Tim. "Well, it's really quite simple. When you are doing an experiment it depends on what happens in the test tube," began Abby. "How do you class each test?" asked Tim. Abby got excited and replied: "That's easy Tim. You see, if it's green and wriggling then it's biology and if it stinks then we have chemistry and if it doesn't work well we have physics! Do you understand that?" "Oh, of course.....I see," muttered McGee. By BellsW. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MIND GAMES. Director Sheppard said to Tony: "Tony, will you get Gibbs on the phone for me. I have something urgent I want you to tell him." "Sure thing mam'," replied Tony, calling up Gibbs. "Yup, DiNozzo?" said Gibbs. "Yeah, Boss, Director Sheppard asked me......" "Yup......." click. Tony closed shut his cell. "Tony, I haven't given you the message yet. He's not a mind reader!" snapped Director Sheppard. "Sorry Director, but he said he heard it!" replied Tony. *blank stares* By BellsW.