A Bright Light Has Gone Out

The elevator door pings as Gibbs, Tony and Ziva step out into a strange and unfamiliar panorama. They apprehensively enter the drab and dreary lab. A slight chill runs straight through them and they shiver momentarily. Gone is all the enigmatic and colorful artwork that once draped these walls. There are no more small trinkets and mementos lining the shelves....no Bert. There is no loud and reverberating music to usher them inside....just a forlorn and eerie silence amidst a seemingly vast space of sterile machines and test tubes. Gone is the delightful, vivacious and quirky Goth girl that once permeated this place with her cheerful greetings and enthusiastic, heartfelt hugs.
Aah!....but there across the room she stands, albeit, a very different-looking Abby. Gone are the pigtails with the bright-colored ribbons. There is no dog collar, dark lipstick or visible tattoos. Her hair is worn down with soft, wavy curls contouring her face and descending lightly upon her neck and shoulders, obliterating her spider-web tattoo. She is wearing a light pink pant suit with a white, lacy and ruffled blouse and flat casual shoes. Quite pretty actually, but sooo "un-Abby".
She barely looks up as they stride towards her, hurriedly wiping away a single tear that has escaped down her cheek, and manages a weak smile. "What ya got for me Abbs?" Gibbs blithely asks. In an unusually monotone voice she struggles to explain that the results of her DNA testing on the epithelial cells from under the victim's fingernails has produced a match to a male suspect. She awkwardly points to the screen displaying his picture and information. "You're the best Abbs and you look so pretty today," Tony exclaims as he advances toward her for a hug. But she suddenly, and forcefully, pushes him away, then turns aside to avoid him, ignoring the compliment. Tony and Ziva back away embarrassed and abscond into the elevator. Gibbs thanks her and leans forward to kiss her cheek. But, again, she quickly turns her head away to avoid him. He watches her, bewildered, from behind, for a few moments, unsure of how to react. She isn't impudent or arrogant. Doesn't seem angry at all really, just somewhat despondent or, perhaps, a little pensive. He decides to give her some space and allow her to talk to him when she is ready. "I'll see ya later Abbs," He affirms gently and quietly leaves.
Returning to the bullpen, he sinks into his chair and thoughtfully examines the worried faces of the others for a while. "Gibbs, she's been like this for days now," Ziva suddenly exclaims, breaking the silence. "Yeah, what's wrong with her boss?" Tony imploringly asks. "It's like 'our' Abby has just disappeared," McGee relates. Hastily regrouping Gibbs stands up, tosses Tony the keys, and snaps, "Focus on the case. DiNozzo, you and Ziva go pick up the suspect." Petulantly pointing at the computer he barks, "McGee, do your thing, find out where he's been, who he's talked to. I want his life story by the time they get back."
As everyone scurries back to work, Vance calls down from the top of stairs, "Agent Gibbs, got a moment?" Following him into his office, Gibbs is feeling a little unsettled to see him so upset and rather ruffled. Curious, he takes a seat and waits for him to expound. "Um....would you happen to have any idea why Miss Scuito is leaving us?" he begins. Somewhat dumfounded and caught off guard, Gibbs replies that he hadn't heard anything about it and asks when this transpired. Vance tells him that he had received her resignation papers a few days ago and that she had cited 'family emergency' as her rationale. "But, I'm a trifle perplexed here, Gibbs," as he hands Gibbs a folder, "according to her records, Miss Scuito was abandoned, by her father, around the age of four and has no other known family members. She grew up in a succession of foster homes, in the New Orleans area, one Gloria McFarland being the last and she has been deceased for a while now." Intently flipping through the folder, Gibbs momentarily looks up and responds, "I see." "You do know that I cannot replace her....not her," Vance implores. Slowly standing up to leave Gibbs assures him, "I'll look into it Leon, see what I can do. May I?" he asks waggling the folder. Vance nods and thanks him as Gibbs leaves.
Gibbs returns to his desk with the folder opened diligently studying the pages inside. After some time, he closes it and gently puts it down. He glances hauntingly towards the elevator. He was deeply moved and not a little saddened. Why had she not told him? Her incessant chatter about cousins and uncles, her contagious happiness had given no indication. He, himself, had derived immense comfort and solace from her mere presence in his life. Being so loving with such innocent childlike mannerisms, she had often amused him and he was drawn toward her from the start. She had helped fill the void left by the loss of his own daughter. Not once had he suspected that she, herself, had experienced such pain and loss. Her demeanor, or facade, was exquisitely portrayed.
He was well aware that Tony cloaked his own insecurities under the mask of 'goofiness', sometimes antagonizing those around him. He knew Ziva kept her emotions guarded and concealed, much like himself, more recently allowing them expression. And he recognized that McGee hid behind, and relied upon, his 'expertise' to bolster his self-confidence. But Abby......her exceptional ability to see straight through to a person's very essence coupled with her unconditional love and acceptance of them had helped and often sustained each of them as well.
His musings were abruptly interrupted as Tony and Ziva returned with the suspect in tow. Glancing toward McGee, he concluded that he needed to wrap up this case as soon as possible so he could go have a long talk with Abby. Instructing Tony to take the suspect to interrogation, Gibbs walked over to see what McGee had found out before joining them.
Meanwhile, down in the lab, Abby was ever so grateful and relieved to just be alone at last. Not her usual preference. But lately she could not keep up her cheerful banter or be intuitive to the needs of others. Those around her that she cared so much about. She was barely able to focus externally on anything being so overwhelmed with her own anguish. She could not, would not, burden them with such deep unhappiness. Her tears flowed freely now as she scurried to her desk. Closing the door behind her to be sure no one could hear, she buried her face in her arms and cried, sobbing piteously, for a long time, unable to hold back the grief and pain any longer.
Finally, exhausted and out of tears, she looked up and stared vacantly at the computer screen, on her desk, exhibiting a list of names....all with the surname of Scuito. For more than ten years now she had been searching....searching
....and searching some more for her father. At some times, more than others. Lately it had become an obsession. She had scrutinized military sites, knowing he'd been a soldier, but too young to be aware of which branch. She had monitored civilian sites and even checked criminal data bases. She had searched missing persons reports and read the descriptive parts of autopsy files on John Doe's. But it all had proved futile. So she enthusiastically joined blogs and websites, like the forensic scientists blog, hoping against hope that maybe he would see her....find HER. That's how she inadvertently stumbled upon that serial killer that led her to Los Angeles a while ago.
Her obsession....her need to find her own father has been somewhat augmented, becoming more urgent and immediate lately with the disclosure of "their" fathers.....Gibbs, Tony, Ziva and Tim. She is bewildered by their reactions and attitudes toward them. Sure, Gibbs father is unpropitious, straining their relationship. Tony's father is distant and emotionally unavailable much of the time. Ziva's father is preoccupied and seemingly more dedicated to his ambitions than to her. And Tim's father, like The Great Santini, is probably makedly authoritarian, possibly even abusive. But they have them...they know them!
Oh! If only...if only she could know her own father as they do. Reminiscing, she recalls how Melissa Fox's words had impacted her when she first heard them. "It's like a part of me is missing." How so throughly and completely she had understood that void surreptitiously veiled in those words. So she HAD to do what she did to reunite Ned Quinn with his daughter, despite the official risks and Gibbs wrath. She doesn't regret it one little bit. At the very least, one daughter will not have to wonder who she is...where she came from.
There is this profoundly stark and troubling epiphany that has crept over her as of late...."Only flesh and blood is flesh and blood"....It's true, no, "they" are not her family, not her flesh and blood. "They" will not, cannot, ever really love and care for her. All her life she 'pretended' to be a part of someone else's family, adopting cousins and uncles and little brothers. Even convincing herself. But the painful truth is she was that tall, gangly-looking and impudent child that never quite fit in or belonged anywhere...untill Gloria, that is.
Yes, she knows her 'Daddy' left her....abandoned her, but what she remembers most about him was the wrenching pain in his eyes and the tears streaming down his face as he did so. That was where she had to go back to...to the place where he left her and retrace the tracks untill she found him dead or alive. She had to leave her beloved NCIS, her cherished job, and embark on her journey to find herself....her roots, to fill the empty void and find that "part of her that was missing". Then, perhaps, she would no longer feel so alone, so detached and so alienated inside.
Still immersed in the intensity of her painful awareness of actually being alone, she suddenly had a cheerful idea. Part of her distressing dilemma was having no one to turn to....to talk to, glaringly magnifying her lonliness. Mayby, just mayby, being around a lot of people, strangers of course, would bring her some solace. Yes, that was it, she would go home, take a long hot bath to ease the stress, reassert her Goth look one last time, and go to a crowded club, by herself, for a drink or two, perhaps even find someone who could relate. Just the thought brought a genuine smile to her lips. So evading anyone's notice she hurriedly gathered her things and left.
The next morning Tony, Ziva and McGee all walk out of the elevator together and are surprised to see Gibbs and Ducky already there, photos up on the flatscreen and discussing a new case. "Hey boss, Ducky. you're here early." Tony exclaims. "This one's a priority DiNozzo, we're gonna need all of you on this." Gibbs replies. In the wee hours of the morning they had been called out with the discovery of two young female petty officer's remains, 48 miles northwest. in Ballenger Creek Park, near Fredrick. "Both of them are down in autopsy right now and there are already some very interesting developments." Ducky informs them as he waves his hand for them to follow.
The bodies are laid out on the tables. Matching the photos upstairs, they are particularly attractive young women, but their throats have been cut in an identical manner. More pertenently, each had a number, and some sort of symbol, carved into their abdomen postmortem. The numbers were numbers 5 and 6. They all quickly look at the grotesque sight, then turn away. "I think it's obvious we've got a serial killer on our hands here." Gibbs states emphatically. "And one who is clearly escalating", Ducky adds as he continues to explicate his findings, "TOD on the first young woman here is approximately two weeks ago, and the second just a week later." Local authorities are vigorously tracking, and processing, the park, as we speak, so we may expect more bodies to arrive", Gibbs informs them and dramatically adds, "we need to get on top of this as soon as possible." "Well, I've sent what evidence I've collected to Abby's lab, but she isn't in yet." Ducky apologetically offers. "Not much more I can do untill we get some results, or more bodies."
As they all head back upstairs, Gibbs asks, "any of you heard from Abby? I've been calling her since Duck and I got back. She isn't picking up." They each shake their heads no. Once in the bullpen, McGee pulls up the petty officers records. It doesn't take him long to discover that the victims frequented the same club. As Gibbs dials Abby's number again, he orders Tony and Ziva to go check it out. Calling after them, "and stop by her place, see if she's home."
It's almost two hours later, Gibbs is extremely agitated and pacing the floor. Another body is on it's way in. Tony and Ziva stumble into his rage as they return. "Well" he snapps. "Yes, they were both regulars at the club boss," Tony hurriedly asnwers, "they were each last seen with this older-looking guy whose name no one knows. The clubowner has agreed to come in and give us a description." "And Abby?" Gibbs growls. "She wasn't home Gibbs," Ziva explains, "the landlord let us in but it didn't look like she'd slept there. Uh...I don't know any of her friends or family except the nuns, you want we should check with them?"
Gibbs looked exacerbated when....suddenly....Ducky stumbled and staggered from the elevator. He dropped to his knees and folding his arms around himself and began rocking back and forth. He was unable to speak, his eyes wide and filled with terror. Darting beside him, in a single lunge, Gibbs grabs his shoulders looking straight into his eyes "Duck what is it?" He distressingly asks. Looking back at him, Ducky's eyes brim over with gushing tears of grief, his face contorted in anguish, but still unable to utter any sound, save the choking sobs coming from his throat. Ordering one of the other agents to stay with him, they rush downstairs to autopsy.
There....just a few feet away, still in the hastily unzipped body bag, they first gasp, then stare, frozen in horror, at the intimately familar image before them. There.... are the customary dark-haired pigtails, braided with bright-colored ribbons. There....is the oh so sweet, softly-featured face. There....is the usual red dog collar, partially covering the jagged wound on her neck. The quirky spider-web tatoo is clearly visible and she is wearing the Gothic black t-shirt with the skeletal markings. Her dark lips slightly parted as her green eyes stare right past them into some blissful and rapturous beyond. There....is the Abby they knew....or thought they knew. Her fleeting life was not a charade, but there was so much more to Abby than met the eye.
Poor Tim's lips begin to quiver as his eyes fill and overflow with the grief he is feeling, "Abby, Oh Abby." He stammers as he stretches out his arms toward her. "I....I...." no longer able to contain the anguish breaking forth, he bursts out wailing, sobbing uncontrollably and runs from the room.
Ziva unexpectedly begins screaming and crying hysterically, "It...it can't be...no...." she screeches and clutches on to Tony desperately, looking up at him imploringly, "Please...no....no", as she thumps his chest with her fists.
Tony just stands there stunned and frozen, his mouth agape, but hot tears streaming down his cheeks, burning his flesh. He's barely cognizant of Ziva wildly flinging herself upon him, but he cannot hold her up and they both stumble to the floor in a dazed stupor. He desperately looks toward Gibbs.
But Gibbs has throughly collasped into a pitious puddle of overwhelming grief and anguish upon the floor. His stark blue eyes brimming over, tears of deep-felt pain flowing profusely. He is unable to speak. There are no words to express the immeasurable sorrow in his heart. Slowly, rising up from somewhere deep within his soul a resounding, ear-piercing "No!" "No!" "No!" emerges, as his world ends.
Yes, gone is the delightful, vivacious and quirky Goth girl who once permeated this place with her contagious happiness and heart-felt love. Gone is this brilliant and dazzling "paradoxical oxymoran". Both intelligent and naively childlike. Both clever and guileless. Both acutely perceptive and spontaeously impulsive. Like a gentle and pleasant breeze, she came and she went. From whence did she come and to whence does she go?
A bright light has gone out in the world.......and it is a darker place for it!